Every Now and Then
by Kinthinia
Summary: Alyssa's been on the run for a year before finding herself at the Roadhouse. Helping out seemed harmless enough until she met the man that caused her situation. Sam/OC and Dean/OC. Warning for language.
1. Somebody I Used to Know

Every Now and Then

"The new girl's back," Ash remarked as he grabbed another beer, tossing it back. Ellen looked past him and saw that he was right –that girl had shown up three days ago and Ellen had been afraid she wasn't going to make it. But apparently she was tougher than she looked, but as near as Ellen figured, she wasn't a hunter. She wasn't exactly a kid either, but she was seriously underfed and she had… there was something about her eyes. It was though she was being haunted by something, but that wasn't exactly uncommon around the Roadhouse.

Ellen paid for the meal herself and dropped it off at the girl's table. It was hardly even a second of eye contact but those big blue eyes looked at her with a certain gratefulness that Ellen wasn't accustomed to seeing. And then she was digging into her burger with such slowness that she was pretty sure the girl was near starving. On Monday when she'd shown up first, she had eaten much faster and probably gotten herself sick in the process. If she was starving, which seemed entirely possible given how those clothes hung off her body.

Ellen turned away from the girl. Ash had started up a search to see what he could find out about her, but nothing seemed to be coming up. The new girl hadn't spoken a single word since Monday when she'd shown up and that haunted look n her eyes was the main reason Ellen wanted to know about her background. That and it was simply a smart move to make. And for some searches a name wasn't really necessary, especially when so many people were using aliases. She glanced over and spotted Ash at his computer. It was always good business to know as much about the people in her saloon as possible.

A group of rowdy hunters entered and Ellen was distracted as she went to serve them and pick up on what was going on for them, keeping track of the little bits of information that she overheard here and there. When she turned back to check on the new girl, she found that she had left behind an empty plate and was gone. Again. Ellen sighed, grabbing the dishes and dropping them off. She hoped that the girl would turn up again –she couldn't have been much older than Jo and whatever had left that look in her eyes was no good.

It was around closing before she got a chance to talk to Ash, and he was thankfully sober enough to tell her what she had been waiting to hear. "I found somethin' about that girl, alright" he laughed, leaning back in his chair and shaking his head. He angled his computer a bit so that Ellen could see the profile of their new girl.

Well, it certainly wasn't what either of them had expected. But it was obvious that the girl was in trouble that was way over her head. Ellen shook her head and turned away. It seemed she had kept her head on rather firmly despite whatever was going on, having run five states away and only been sighted twice. Both of the sightings were in Arizona, but apparently after her second sighting she had literally dropped off the radar. And it looked like she had been smart enough to stay low and be a little less noticeable.

Over the next several weeks she saw the girl again, and with a little prodding and several free meals, she won her over enough to be rewarded with her name. And from then on, Alyssa showed up more and more often. But knowing that if Ellen kept giving her free meals, she'd be broke, she found herself a new waitress. The odd broken dish here and there was about worth it, to see the extra pounds return to her and the smile that she occasionally graced the odd hunter with. Ellen was glad to see that the girl's health was improving rapidly, and soon she had a healthy complexion again. At the end of the day, Alyssa blended in with the crowd at the Roadhouse and made a pretty decent waitress and she had no problem with telling Ellen if she'd overheard anything of use.

Jo and Alyssa got along well enough too, and Ellen figured it was good for both of them. Alyssa hadn't made friends with any of the patrons, which was probably a good thing and Jo was able to draw her a little more out of her shell. Most of the time. But then the blasted Winchesters happened and not even Alyssa's level headedness could keep Jo from leaving. And then, something that was pretty much inevitable happened. Alyssa met the Winchesters.

Chapter One, Somebody I Used to Know

Alyssa glanced over at the unfamiliar man as he ordered two beers before going to join a taller man who was sitting with Ash. She got the two beers as he requested and set them down, safely away from Ash's computer. At times he could be almost reckless with his computer but mostly he was rather respectful of the machine and Alyssa tried to lessen the possibility of beer spills occurring near it. The man who had ordered didn't even acknowledge her and took a long gulp from it while the taller man turned to thank her, without really seeing her. For a long moment, Alyssa was frozen still.

She came back to herself when she heard the other calls for beer, but was mostly out of it as she brought them their drinks and worked at the counter while Ellen went around to check on everyone. The numbness that she had felt for so long gave a painful jolt and the past she'd been running from stirred within her mind. She shot a glance over at Sam whenever she could, wondering what he was doing in a place like this. But perhaps it should have been less surprising to her, of all people. She couldn't break her focus from Sam, checking to make sure he was there whenever she could, to ascertain that he hadn't disappeared on her while she poured another hunter a drink.

Her thoughts whirled in her mind, chaotic and disorganized and fear bubbled up from a place she had long since forgotten. It was too much all at once, for her to deal with. It had been over a year since she had last seen Sam, the boy she had graduated high school with. And through some luck, she managed to meet him again at Stanford. He was going to be a lawyer and she was going to be a forensic psychologist. But that all changed rather abruptly…

She tightened her grasp on the glass that she was supposed to be cleaning and a startled yelp escaped her when her grip caused the glass to shatter. A few of the hunters who she had met during her first few days working a the Roadhouse chuckled, while those like Sam who didn't know her turned to look at her. She hastily pulled the glass from her hand and swept it into the garbage with the others before disappearing into the back to treat her cut. It wasn't the first time. And thankfully this time, the cut wasn't deep enough that she would need fake stitches from a hunter. The hospital was completely out of the question, for many reasons. Alyssa patiently cleaned the cut, just to be safe, and wrapped it up.

She headed back out and found that Ellen was working the counter, she shook her head and Alyssa could only offer her an apologetic shrug before heading out to check with everyone. She gave Ash's table a wide berth, and she knew that the computer genius wouldn't have missed it but she trusted that he wouldn't bring it up until the men he was with had left. A part of her desperately wanted Sam to look at her and realize who she was, but a larger part of her that was attached to self-preservation wanted him to keep his focus on whatever conversation he was currently having with Ash.

She was halfway across the room, offering a few comments to a group of hunters who were celebrating a kill when she felt eyes on her. She looked up and saw that the shorter man was turning away, back into the conversation with Ash. Recognizing when someone was looking at her like that, with suspicion, was often the difference between a successful runaway and an unsuccessful one. Arizona had taught her that. And sure, it had been a while since she was officially on the run, but some habits had stuck with her. Like that one.

She made her way over to Ash's table, aware that _he_ was there but not about to let him stop her. She gently tapped the shorter one's shoulder, offering him a sweet smile and a few conversational words to check on him before moving on to another table. She glanced at the clock and was more than excited to see that closing time was almost here, as other hunters slowly eased out of the establishment.

"You got something against them boys?" Ellen asked, glancing towards Ash's table.

"No," Alyssa retorted hastily. She knew she owed Ellen a lot, but she couldn't tell her that. It was something she had spent nearly a year thinking about and another year trying to never think of it again. And there sat Sam Winchester, the epitome of freedom himself. The one who had taken hers away. Her eyes narrowed and she turned to look towards Ash's table again, unable to help herself.

This time she met Sam's gaze. His brows furrowed and she knew that he had actually seen her this time. It was more instinctual than anything else, and it had her running out the doors of the Roadhouse and looking for a place she could disappear to before she was recognized. There was a part of her that wanted to race back inside and slap him, to shout and scream at him for everything he had cost her but she was more concerned about staying off the radar. Not making any scenes and staying low. Her hair helped with that, since she had died it black and kept doing so whenever she saw even a hint of gold peeking through. She had hoped that she could have made it through the night, but it probably would have been smarter to disappear the second she saw Sam without giving him the chance to see her.

Alyssa was racing towards her motel on foot, seeing as it was only a few blocks away. She ran heedless of the frosted ground, nearly losing her balance on several of the icier patches. What she didn't take into consideration was the possibility that upon figuring out who she was, that Sam might try to follow her. It didn't even register as a possibility, but it should have. If she had considered, she might have found a place to hide that wasn't quite so far away. But as things stood, Alyssa was trying to make it to her motel on foot in slippery conditions when Sam chased her down.

Alyssa found herself knocked down by a six foot four giant and didn't try to fight her old friend, too busy trying to regain her breath. There was a time when they had been friends, up until his disappearance and the curse he had left her with. Sam was barely even winded as he helped her up, against her wishes and held her tight. It didn't exactly make breathing any easier.

"What are you doing here Alyssa? In a place like that?" he asked, the worry in his voice poorly disguised as he let her go.

She shot him a scowl, "What am _I_ doing there? I think that's something I should be asking you!"

Guilt flashed across his face, but he didn't answer her question. "Why aren't you back in Stanford, getting your degree?"

"Why aren't you?" she snapped. "It's where you should be!" It was where he should have been more than a year ago. But instead he just up and disappeared.

Sam grimaced and shook his head, almost regretfully, or perhaps sadly. "No, no Stanford is the last place I should be right about now."

Alyssa scoffed harshly, turning away. "I don't want to talk to you Sam. Okay? Can we just… leave it at that?"

Sure, they'd been friends for a long time. They went to high school together, for about a month and became fast friends. And then they went to Stanford for four years. It wasn't as though a year and some misunderstandings between them would actually sever their relationship, but Alyssa wanted it to. Very badly. She knew what his reply would have been, if she had let him have it. He would have told her no, because they were friends. And no doubt he had the idea in his head that she was safe and sound back in Stanford, graduating next year with her degree.

A part of her wished she could go back to that, but it was because of Sam that her dreams had been crushed. And she didn't want to have to deal with it. But it was a surprise enough for her to see Sam there, in the Roadhouse. She knew what it meant. The only people who stepped through those doors knew about the supernatural. And that wasn't entirely accurate, because most of the people who walked through those doors hunted the supernatural that no one else believed in. Well, Alyssa had never hunted those evil things but she had spent a long time running from them. It was sort of a crash course in how to be a fugitive.

"I'm sorry."

She looked back at him, eyes wide and she stumbled back a step. Sorry? Sorry could never make up for what had happened because of him. The side of herself that she did everything to keep hidden and powerless was who spoke the truth to him. Alyssa was torn between wanting to rejoice at seeing her old friend, but she was angry too. And she didn't understand.

"Sorry?" She turned to him, directing a glare in his direction. "Sorry doesn't begin to cut it, Sam." She felt the tears in her eyes and took that moment to turn away and continue towards her motel.


	2. Dirty Little Secret

Sam wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to do. Seeing her again after a year, and when so much had happened since he last saw her, was more than just a shock. Alyssa was someone from a life he'd temporarily adopted and then had to abandon when Jess died. He couldn't say he regretted it, because he both missed it and longed for it again. He did however miss Alyssa, and he regretted being unable to keep in contact with her. What had led her to the Roadhouse of all places was a very good question. She shouldn't know a thing about hunting monsters or ghosts or whatever else. She was just a regular person. But then again, so was he. He had probably seemed just the same to her, so normal, because that was who he wanted to be and that was how he had presented himself. It wasn't easy to be normal, and sure sometimes he had that habit he couldn't kick about salting windows and doors but he did his best. And as far as Jess was concerned, they were just that. Quirks.

It was easier to pass off as being normal than he would have liked, but easy was good sometimes. Alyssa knew about his quirk, there was no way she couldn't have because she and Jess were best friends. And best friends talked about that sort of stuff. If Alyssa knew about his quirks and she knew about the supernatural too, then she would have been able to draw the proper conclusion. But since she had never brought anything like that up with him, it had to be safe to assume that Alyssa didn't really know what was going on. Until after. She was the first person he'd lost contact with. His other friends had been easier to communicate with, but those first few days away from Stanford had left him out of contact with her. It was strange, to think back on it, that right after he left he had lost contact with her. But it was plausible too, that she could have been mad at him. Hell, he deserved it. She had been his best friend, but she was Jess's too. And there was no excuse for not keeping in touch with her, especially considering how badly she probably wanted to talk to him.

Brady certainly wasn't the best person to have that sort of conversation with. Alyssa had been dating Brady for what felt like forever, but probably wasn't more than a year. Nowhere near as long as he and Jess had been together, but since high school Brady had been trying (and failing) to make the moves on Alyssa Jones. Up until their second year at Stanford. She wasn't exactly anyone exceptional; a rather quiet, but warm individual who spent almost as much time studying as Sam did. It was always nice to spend time with her. And aside from Jess, he probably missed Alyssa the most. Brady had been his best friend, but since he and Alyssa broke up things had been a little rocky between them and Sam was kind of glad he hadn't heard back from the guy. It was much nicer to see Alyssa. Even if she was pissed at him. But what had she meant that sorry could never cut it?

Had the yellow-eyed-demon gone after her too, once Sam left? But she wasn't anyone significant in his life. His best friend, sure, but she wasn't his girlfriend. And he was not in love with her. So what led her here, of all places? He returned to Dean and the Impala, climbing into the front seat and grabbing his laptop. He would have asked Ellen, but he was pretty sure that she was in full-on mom mode and he wouldn't get any worthwhile information from her. Besides, she was still mad enough over the whole episode with taking Jo on a hunt with them. Not their brightest idea, but thankfully Ellen had decided to forgive them. Or at least not hold it directly against them. Because they needed her help and Ash's more than either he or his brother would like to admit. Sure they could have managed well enough on their own but team work made things easier. It meant faster results while still being able to spend the appropriate time working on cases and saving people. Sam frowned to himself; how could he save Alyssa? She belonged back at Stanford far more than he did. Stanford was safe and it was where she belonged.

"Well is she alive?" Dean asked, pulling out of the parking spot.

Sam scowled, "What?"

"Well you didn't crush her right? I saw her run off –after you tackled her."

Sam cringed. "Jerk."

"Bitch," Dean retorted. "So did you get a new girlfriend?"

"She's a friend from Stanford," he bit out.

Dean glanced at him, "What the hell's she doing at the Roadhouse then?"

"That's what I want to know," he watched the scenery pass, more focused on the whirling thoughts in his head.

"And?"

"We're not exactly on the best of terms, Dean. I haven't talked to her since I left Stanford."

There was a brief silence as the Impala rumbled along down the road. "Do you want to stick around, figure out what's going on with her?"

Sam considered it for a moment. It would take time to figure out what was going on with her, especially considering how she seemed so reluctant to share any information with him. "No," he replied finally. "I mean it would be great, but I think she'll need some time to think things through."

Dean nodded, pulling out onto the highway and past a motel. He flicked the cassette on, eyes on the road as Metallica blasted through the small space. Sam shifted, finding a more comfortable position.

Chapter Two, Dirty Little Secrets

Alyssa was washing dishes in the back when the small bell rang and she glanced up to see Sam entering the saloon. She frowned. It had been several weeks since she last saw him and she'd been hopeful that he wasn't going to come back. It was irrational and highly unlikely, and her hopes were dashed. If she thought that avoidance was possible, she would have avoided him but she knew that Ellen was in the back and Ash had disappeared into his room and wouldn't be out for awhile. She dried her hands off quickly, reluctantly moving out to the front.

"Can I get you anything?" she asked flatly, avoiding eye contact as she moved to the bar. Hunters were always ordering alcohol.

"Just a beer," Sam said awkwardly, looking around. Probably for Ellen or Ash. It was good to have something to occupy her mind, however briefly as she poured him his drink and slid it over. "Is Ellen or Ash around?"

"Not right now."

Sam looked down at his glass of beer, taking a drink from it. Alyssa could remember when they were both finally old enough to go for their first drinks, a bittersweet smile played across her lips. She turned away before Sam could see it or even remark upon it because that was the last thing she needed right now.

"When… will they be back?" Sam inquired awkwardly.

Alyssa looked over the counter as she saw Ellen reenter and the older woman flashed Sam a smile. "Back already?"

"Yeah, I need some help."

Sam flashed her a dimpled smile and Ellen left to go and get Ash. It was something Alyssa was more hesitant to do, mostly because it was uncomfortable to find Ash naked and his bed rumpled. There was very little that could be any more uncomfortable than that, except for if the woman happened to answer instead. Alyssa put a clean glass away, grabbing a damp one as she started to dry it. She kept her attention focused on the dishes that she was drying, intentionally ignoring Sam. Ignoring him however was just as detrimental because she became acutely aware of him, his eyes following her every move and she knew that if she looked back he would have that hurt puppy expression and a burning curiosity in his eyes. She refused to turn around, to so much as even glance at him or speak to him as she moved onto another dish.

Ellen huffed impatiently as she took the spot next to Alyssa, working on drying the dishes as well. "Ash'll be out in a minute." Unfortunately with Ellen's presence now added, it made washing the dishes go much faster and left Alyssa with nothing to do. The Roadhouse was pretty quiet in the day, and usually plenty more active at night but there were days where it was almost empty.

It wasn't long after that Ash was coming out from the back as well, a cocky smile on his lips as he took a seat next to Sam. "Well, what can I do for you Sam?"

Sam paused, turning to look at Alyssa. Her scowl fell short when she saw the hesitance and distrust that was there and she tossed the dish towel down, fully intending to give him the privacy he was asking for. Ellen reached out, effectively blocking the way that Alyssa had been intending to go.

"I trust her as much as I trust you and your brother," she said firmly.

Alyssa looked at the older woman in surprise. She knew that over the last while she had been at the Roadhouse that Ellen had begun to trust her, but she hadn't expected her to say anything like that. Let alone to Sam. Who didn't have any reason to distrust her! She had every reason to not trust him, but why couldn't he trust her? Probably because it had been a year and also because despite everything this was a part of the other's world that neither knew about. She had only recently learned who his father was and that he had raised Sam and his brother Dean in this lifestyle.

"I don't have to stick around." It was true. And although she was furious with Sam, sharing his personal information was his own business to decide. Not Ellen's and not anyone else's.

"You… might as well," he seemed to say that with great difficulty. "I mean, with the amount of time Dean and I end up spending here…"

Alyssa nodded and stepped back, agreeing to stay. "What can I do to help ya Sam?" Ash inquired.

"I need to know about other people –psychics, like me." Sam shot Alyssa a concerned look, as though expecting her to protest or argue with him but she kept silent. "I need a nationwide search, starting with the nursery fires."

It wasn't really that much of a surprise. The last time they'd gone out drinking and Sam had gotten wasted, he had mentioned something about this dream of his, where Jess was pinned to the ceiling and lit on fire. Alyssa knew enough to know that Jess had died in that fire and while she was on the road, she figured out that whatever it was that had killed Jess wasn't normal either.

"I thought not all of them had a nursery fire like you did," Ellen interjected.

"Well no, but some had to. Might as well start there."

Ash nodded, "Well, I'll be back with results," he got up and returned to the back.

Ellen headed off to the back with a quick excuse, leaving Alyssa and Sam alone in the near-empty saloon. Sam glanced away from his glass of beer to look at Alyssa. For once she didn't look away from him, wondering what he was going to say to her.

"You don't seem that surprised," he offered, finally.

"You were pretty drunk when you told me about your nightmares. I thought it was just… drunk Sam, blabbing as usual," she sighed. "And then she died and I kind of figured a couple of things out."

"Like what?"

Alyssa shot him a patronizing glance. "Like the whole monsters are real spiel." And boy, if she hadn't learned that the hard way. "And if you're wondering Sam, no, I didn't know anything about it until after you left."

Sam shifted, glancing around the bar. There were a few hunters playing pool, a low murmur of conversation traded between the two men. He turned back to her, his green eyes focused on her. "Please, just talk to me. We used to be friends, can't we… can't we try again?"

"Last time there was no trying involved Sam," Alyssa sighed. She had to remind herself that just because he was back, didn't mean that she had forgiven him. "Tell me about what you're doing here, what's going on with you?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out," he admitted, taking a drink from his beer.

Ash came out from the back, "Got the results," he sat down beside Sam. "One Sam Winchester," he nodded at Sam, "an Andrew Gallagher, Max Miller and, uh, Scott Carey."

"You got an address?" Sam asked, sitting up.

"Kind of. The Arbor Hill cemetery in Lafayette, Indiana. Plot four eighty-six. He was killed, about a month ago."

"Killed how?" Sam pressed.

"Stabbed in a parking lot. Fuzz don't have much, no suspects."

"All right, thanks," he stood up.

For a moment, his eyes met Alyssa's and then he was headed towards the door with hardly a goodbye. A frown creased her brow, and from her peripheral vision she saw Ash reach for the rest of Sam's beer. She smacked his hand away and he shot her a hurt look as she moved it away and dumped the contents out. By the time she looked back up, Sam was already gone and Ellen stood there with a troubled expression. For just a moment, Alyssa let herself remember a time before her world came crashing down. And for that moment, she let herself hope that she would see Sam again.


	3. Call Me When You're Sober

It really shouldn't have been so surprising that Ellen knew where Jo was, but it was pleasant anyways as Alyssa got out of the car and headed into the bar. It was a long enough drive from Nebraska all the way out to Duluth, Minnesota but it was worth it to see Jo. She double checked the name of the place before she walked inside. Jo was just calling out, warning or perhaps reminding the last patrons that they were closing up soon. Alyssa still wasn't entirely sure of who's idea it was that sent her here, whether she wanted to see Jo or whether Ellen had merely sent her to check up on her daughter but either way was fine with her. Those first few weeks at the Harvelle's had gifted her with a friendship to the youngest.

"Aly!" Jo exclaimed, waving as Alyssa headed over to her. "What are you doing here?" her smile fell, "How did you even find me?"

"What, you thought you could escape Ash?" she teased. No one could disappear that well on Ash –there was always a trail or something that he could follow them with.

Jo sighed, "No, well I had hoped." She managed another smile, "Did Mom send you here to babysit me?"

"Not really sure, actually. I can't tell if it was my idea or hers that I come see you –but I'm not complaining!" She grinned at her friend.

Jo laughed, "It's good to see you too."

Chapter Three, Call Me When You're Sober

Alyssa washed her hands, glancing at her appearance as she grabbed some paper towel to dry them. The black dye was still hiding her blonde roots, but she knew it wouldn't be long before she needed to dye it again. She gingerly set a hand on her head, touching the dry strands wistfully. She missed her natural hair color and how her hair used to be so silky smooth and soft to touch, now it was practically coarse and a dried out mess. She sighed, knowing that the loss was a little one.

She moved back towards the bar area, spotting Sam and Jo. She frowned a little, noticing the way Sam was leaning closer to Jo. A pang hit her, harder than she had ever expected anything to ever really hurt again. It shouldn't have been quite so surprising that Sam was trying to move on from Jess. It had already been a year.

Sam laughed and drew back, "Boy. You're really carrying a torch for him? I'll take that as a yes. It's too bad, 'cause see Dean he likes you, sure, but not in the way you'd want. Little Kat already has that spot taken, or didn't you know?" He paused then, and Alyssa wished she had stayed in the kitchen for longer. "I'm not trying to hurt you Jo, I'm telling you because I care."

Alyssa frowned, about to take a step, determined to stop this. Whatever it was. Something in her gut told her that this wasn't the way things were supposed to be and the way Sam was looking at Jo was enough to warrant an intervening presence. But then she noticed Jo's signal. It was something she had taught Alyssa back when she first started working at the Harvelle's and they were worried about a guy getting a little carried away. There were three signs; one meant that they were fine, two meant to be watching him and three meant go get help. Jo's fingers flashed a two –don't intervene, but keep a close eye in case the other needed help. Alyssa settled back uncomfortably, not trying to focus on ignoring their conversation but watching Jo and Sam's body language to tell if her friend needed help.

Alyssa was standing in the shadowed area that led to the kitchen, not particularly concerned if Sam did happen to look over and notice her. She hadn't heard much from either him or Dean since he'd left to go to Indiana. She relaxed when Sam got up and turned to leave, watching Jo with concern. Whatever Sam had said, was more than unnecessary. Suddenly Sam turned back, crossing over to Jo in a matter of seconds and grabbing her. Alyssa froze in shock for a moment, long for Sam to have Jo pinned against the bar. Her eyes locked onto Alyssa's as she grabbed onto the beer bottle, a silent plea in them as she attempted to swing it at Sam. He easily pinned her arm, shattering the bottle harmlessly before he slammed her head against the bar.

Alyssa wasn't a hunter. Sure, she spent her fair share of time around them and they had all taught her a few tricks. More than a few. However, she was average height and Sam was a giant. And all of her tricks were for killing monsters. Sam was still Sam, still essentially human. She couldn't fight him, not without losing. So she dialed the only number she knew who could help her, a number Ellen had given her before she left, while she raced into the kitchen and grabbed the nearest container of salt.

"Sam?" the voice was familiar, and evidently very worried about his brother. If he'd bothered to check his caller ID he might have realized that it was an unknown number.

"He's here! Duluth, Minnesota, at the Duluth Bar! He got J-" Her salt line wasn't complete and Sam slammed the door open, scattering what little she had managed to make a line out of.

Sam grabbed her, shoving her against the kitchen table. Alyssa let the cell phone drop from her hands and Sam crushed it under his boot easily, scoffing. "What kind of a fight was that? Pretty pathetic I'd say."

Alyssa didn't bother to say anything, knowing it wouldn't change anything as she studied his facial expression, not fighting his bruising grip. Was Jo okay? She hoped that she would be.

"Oh sweetie, what good did you think it would do?"

"Get out of him," Alyssa growled. There were a lot of things Alyssa didn't know about, but there was one thing she had learned to recognize. Where other hunter couldn't pinpoint what was wrong with Sam, because of the many possibilities, the only monsters Alyssa _really_ knew anything about were the ones that had been chasing her for a year.

The demon blinked, eyes flashing black like they always did. "And how would you know it isn't me?" Alyssa struggled then, trying to put a little distance between the two of them as Sam moved closer towards her. "Hmm little Sammy here doesn't seem to think you're a hunter… you keeping secrets?"

"As if I'd tell you anything!" Alyssa snapped. It was more than fool hardy, the little room she'd managed to acquire was lost as the demon slammed her against the table, pinning her there without even having to use any supernatural power. Sam was strong enough on his own.

"Hmm… Alyssa, Alyssa, Aly- ohhhh." In Sam stopped to chuckle, "_The_ Alyssa Jones, right here before me. Wow, guess I can count myself lucky huh?"

She froze, staring up into Sam's green eyes. In the back of her mind that fear pounded, telling her that she should be running. She couldn't stay at the Roadhouse, it wouldn't be right if she did that.

"Oh sweetie," the nasty tone that Sam's voice had was downright chilling. "I'll be telling the boys downstairs about you."

For a moment, she was trapped right where the demon had her held. She didn't want to hurt Sam but she had to get away before this demon called back-up. Alyssa didn't know what was so special about her, but ever since the night Sam left, these things had been after her. And a part of her suspected that it was due entirely to Sam and that was not the reason she was mad at Sam. She was furious with her once-friend because he had abandoned her, and not only had he done that, he had left her with the blame for Jess's death. Not intentionally, never Sam –but the FBI were tracking her down because she was listed as a suspect. If Sam had spent even five more minutes around? Maybe things could be different. But as things currently stood, Alyssa could never be herself again. And to top everything off, the FBI agents who she had encountered in Arizona were not actually people. Well perhaps they were, but they had demons controlling them that seemed unusually interested in her.

Alyssa wasn't going to give them a chance to find out much about her. She had nearly been killed. And the only hope she had left, was that Sam would fix up the misunderstanding. But when she tried to call him, she couldn't get through and by the time she could, she discovered that the number no longer belonged to Sam Winchester. So she was a little more than pissed off at this point with Sam. Sure, he had his reasons. But she had her own too.

The next thing she knew, Sam had grabbed her a fistful of her hair and slammed her head against the table much as he had done to Jo earlier. Alyssa struggled futilely against the walls of blackness that descended, until they consumed her and left her in the confines of unconsciousness. She didn't wake up until there was a thundering groan as a car started up. There was a pulsing ache behind her eyes, a headache ready to turn into a migraine, and her hands and feet were tied. Duct tape seemed to have been plastered over her mouth and she was lying in the backseat, stretched out across the leather seats.

Where was Dean? She wondered. Where was Jo? Was Jo even alive? She shifted, testing the strength of her bonds to find that there was nothing she could do to escape them. Her encounter with the demons in Arizona was a little different, having left her close to death before she'd gotten away but here she was simply trapped. Alyssa kept still, trying to clear her thoughts and focus them so that she could think of a way out of this situation. Because that was the best hope she had right now.

The drive was long and uncomfortable. And it was almost a relief when the car finally came to a stop, as Alyssa waited for her opportunity to try and break free when the demon went to release her. Instead, she found that the demon was getting out of the car, locking the doors and leaving her behind. Knowing that it was futile but desperate to do anything, she waited until she was relatively sure that Sam wouldn't be returning anytime soon before she tried to kick the nearest window out. It didn't budge at all. And it was more exhausting than anything else. But that didn't diminish her fear or even reduce it.

Alyssa whimpered around the tape, feeling it pull uncomfortably much as the rope chafed her ankles the more she kicked at the window. She finally gave up, resting her feet against the window, panting heavily. If she had even felt the window so much as move, then the hopeless feeling she had been fighting might not have been so bad. But as it was, there was no opportunity for escape here. That was, until the car door was unlocked and then opened rather unexpectedly.

"What the hell –" Dean stopped himself, shaking his head. He yanked a knife out of his back pocket and sliced through the rope on her hands. And then he turned away and all but jogged into the house –leaving Alyssa to finish the rest of her situation on her own.

Which was perfectly fine as well, considering her hands were free. The first thing she did was try to ease the duct tape away, hoping that her perspiration would loosen the adhesive. It didn't, at least not enough to make a difference and she felt stinging tears come to her eyes. The demon was one clever bitch, since she had duct tapped across her mouth with an X shape. Not only that, but it was going to take a while to work the duct tape off considering she could barely open her mouth so that she could even try to work on the adhesive. Because that was supposed to work –she'd read more than one account about the liabilities of duct tape and the dangers it posed for an essay.

She worked on removing the knots from her ankles, sitting up and easing herself out of the car. Her whole body was stiff. She stood up, working on stretching and getting the kinks out of her body. Alyssa looked at the auto wrecker's in front of her, watching the house cautiously. Dean could probably handle Sam, but he could use a hand. However, she was likely to be more of a liability than an aide. And if he did manage to save Sam, there was the distinct possibility that he could need help after that. Never mind the fact that Alyssa was going to need help with the duct tape. So long as she had some lotion or something, it wouldn't be too bad to get the tape off.

She entered the house cautiously, following the tormented scream to see an older man pressing a hot poker to Sam's forearm. For one moment, she was left standing there in absolute horror, watching as the black smoke billowed out from Sam. Her heart pounded inside her chest and she found herself collapsing back against the floor. It had been a very long night. And it wasn't about to get any shorter, she gathered as she watched Dean throw a nasty right hook in Sam's direction before he passed out.

And then, it seemed to be a flurry of movement as the older hunter and Sam both realized she was still present. If she had been standing a mile away from Sam, she still would have been able to see the guilt. His shoulders dropped, and he had that hurt puppy-dog look on his face that made it unbearable. Alyssa may not have caused him the pain and sure he was inflicting it on himself, but she didn't need to see that. Some vengeance seeking ex-friend she was. She sat down on the chair that the older hunter –Bobby, she learned his name was –offered her. He handed her an old bottle of lotion and she started applying it.

Sam tried to divide his time between his brother and Alyssa, but he seemed to spend more time at Dean's side. Probably because he didn't feel quite so guilty over that one, and Dean was in rougher shape than she was anyways. Duct tape was nowhere near the same level as a gunshot wound and a couple of head punches. By the time she had the duct tape off, Sam and Dean were ready to go and she placed a quick phone call first to Jo and then to Ellen. And then she was ushered into the backseat of the Impala again, with both of the brothers for a long drive back to Nebraska. Most of which she wasn't going to remember later. But there was one snippet of conversation she overheard, somewhere in her exhaustion that stuck with her.

"Sam... you have to know something about her."

"I told you Dean, we haven't seen each other since college. It's not like I can just go up to her and ask -she's made that clear."

"She's just gonna keep popping up under foot -at least take the time to teach her something before she gets killed."

"Oh yeah?" Sam sneered. "Like the other hunters or Ellen haven't taught her a thing or two?"

"Well yeah, because I mean think of what Gordon could teach her. Or Jo. You teach her, you teach her right. Who knows what those assholes could teach her."

"Dean, drop it." The weariness and pain in those three words was surprising. "It's too complicated. And anyways, she's made it clear she doesn't want anything with me."

Could things be different, then? Right now, could this very conversation turn into something entirely different? It had always been too much to hope for. Sam had Jess, Alyssa had Brady. It had been impossible. Had been. But had been's didn't account for much now, when they weren't in the way. And it wasn't as though she had miraculously forgotten that Sam's negligence had caused this trouble in the beginning. It was just that, it suddenly didn't seem to matter quite so much. Because Sam probably had a reason. And he certainly wasn't forgiven -but it was past time for them to sit down and talk about it.

* * *

And just as this gets good... It's time to introduce Dean's girl next chapter. Enjoy ;)


	4. Famous Last Words

They dropped off a sleeping, exhausted Alyssa at the Roadhouse before they headed over to crash at a motel. By the next morning, they were on the road again. Alyssa didn't hear from them for several weeks, which she was beginning to think was a pretty regular thing. Except that, not too long after her final shift she got a phone call.

"Aly?"

She froze at the use of her old nickname, at the fact that it was Sam who was talking to her right now. "Sam?"

"Alyssa!" The sheer happiness in his voice was surprising, as was the slur in his voice. A sure sign that Sam Winchester was absolutely drunk. Which meant that this was probably the worst time to be talking to him.

"Yeah Sam?" she asked quietly. A part of her wanted to hear what he had to say, to listen to his words and be there for him. But she also wanted to hang up the phone on him and refuse to talk until he was sober.

"I just wanted to talk. I miss you –we were best friends. What happened to us?"

She was quiet for a long moment, listening to the sound of his breathing, the awkward fidgeting and scuffling of his feet when he shifted. "This… isn't the time to have this conversation, Sam."

"I just- don't hang up –please Aly, I-I miss you."

She sighed slightly, fighting the smile that tugged at her lips. "Yeah Sam, I miss you too."

"Would you… just talk to me? Please?"

"Fine," she sighed, caving in to his plea as he probably had expected. Despite the exhaustion trying to lull her day after a long day of work, and the fact that tomorrow would be another long day, she stayed up with him almost the whole night listening to him until finally his mumbles turned into snores. Alyssa smiled shyly.

Chapter Four, Famous Last Words

Dean woke up with a gasp, groaning as his eyes tried to focus. That was one hell of a dream. He tried to move, pain flaring through his body. How long had he been hanging here? He inhaled sharply, the pain helping him wake up more clearly. The Djinn! Memories of his attack swam past his eyes and he looked around, recognizing that he was trapped in the same run-down building as before. His breath caught as he looked at the woman hanging beside him –her chin was resting on her chest, matted red hair concealing her face. He frowned blearily; tugging at the rope experimentally, pain ripping through his arms. In his dreamland, Kat had been showing up everywhere. There was no way, but a small part of him knew that the odds weren't looking great.

"Dean!" Sam hissed, hurrying over to him a silver knife in his hands. He went to work on the rope immediately, sawing at it. He managed a weak smile, his attention on the woman next to him.

Sam pulled a needle from his neck, tossing it aside as he continued to cut at the rope. Dean saw the Djinn before his younger brother, he called out a warning but Sam wasn't fast enough and the Djinn grabbed him, forcing him to drop the knife. Dean shifted, feeling the rope give a little and with a few more tugs it gave way and he fell to his feet. Pain lanced up his arms the second he tried to move them, pins and needles biting into his hands and feet viciously.

It was over quickly as they killed the Djinn and Dean had to brace himself against the grimy floor as the room spun around him. "I-is she okay?"

Sam moved over, releasing the woman and gently lowering her to the floor as he checked on her pulse. At Sam's gasp, Dean was struggling back onto his feet and hoping that she wasn't dead. Because whoever she was, she had gotten him out of that place. He froze, seeing Sam looking up at him as he looked down at the woman he'd just been living with. At the woman who had rejected him, left him without so much as a goodbye. Katherine Calloway.

"She needs a hospital," Sam offered quietly as he felt her pulse. "I think she's lost a lot of blood Dean."

"Fine," he said stiffly.

"And you might as well get checked out while we're there Dean," Sam advised as he pulled his cell phone out, calling the emergency number.

"And what exactly are we going to say?" Dean wondered, sitting down heavily. The room was still spinning but at least not to the same degree as it had been minutes ago.

They had a story worked out by the time the emergency workers arrived, but the questions about their condition were primarily reserved for Sam seeing as he was the only uninjured one. They had agreed to say that Sam was at the motel, when Dean was mugged outside and he chased after the man who had mugged him, he'd passed out and woken in this factory. Sam had gone searching for him, using the GPS in his phone to find him and then they called for an ambulance. Dean was unable to provide them with a description of the imaginary man under the pretence of his wounds affecting him. And the next day when they came by to ask again, it was too late and Dean could barely remember anything as it all happened so fast. But thankfully the police didn't recognize their names or faces and their aliases slid by with no one the wiser.

Katherine didn't wake up until Dean was released, which was only the second day. Sam had left to go and get coffee, leaving Dean sitting on the chair beside her bed. They couldn't afford to spend anymore time in this town, but neither of the brothers were exactly willing to leave her. Sam had bought her a small bouquet of white hyacinths from the nearby flower shop, and they weren't really doing much to bring any cheer back into the room. Dean huffed out a sigh, leaning back in his chair, missing the low groan that she uttered but immediately noticing when she stirred under the blankets. Her brows furrowed and she shifted again, pushing the blanks down to her waist as she blinked blearily, wincing against the bright lights.

He watched as the panic set in, as she jerked upright and looked around the hospital room, clearly having just realized where she was. A slight smile tugged at Dean's lips as he watched her lean back, perhaps a bit dazed by her return to reality. For a moment, he wondered what she saw in her world and if she would have rather stayed there but then he reminded himself of who she was. He cleared his throat, bringing her attention to him immediately, as though she hadn't already noticed him.

She cleared her throat, "Hey Dean."

"Hey Kat," he said, his tone flat.

"Can we… let's not do this right now Dean," she sighed, laying back.

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

Her doctor came in at that moment and interviewed Kat, using her special little flashlight to make sure that she was seeing everything clearly. After a few more quick little tests, the doctor announced that she was going to be okay and she could be released whenever she wanted to. But, unsurprisingly, the doctor told her to take it easy and reminded her that the police would be contacting her to find out what had happened to her. Dean watched as Kat played it off lightly, saying that she didn't really remember much and that she just wanted to go home. Her eyes strayed to his every now and then, the pale green as familiar as ever. When the police officer finally left, leaving them alone, a heavy silence settled between them.

It had been almost two years since they'd last seen each other and Dean had been doing his best to forget about her. But there was still a pang when he met her gaze and was reminded how he had woken up alone, her empty words filling the silence of his mind. If there was anything he could ever take back, it would be those three words that night.

"So you took care of the Djinn?" she asked, not looking at him. As though it made a difference.

"Yeah, Sam and I did."

"Sam?" She looked over at him in surprise. "Wasn't he…?"

"It's been a long time Kat," he reminded her, not meeting her gaze. "Yes, he was in Stanford but he isn't now. And I don't think you have a right to really ask about that."

"Jesus Dean," she snapped, her green eyes flashing. "I'm his friend too. Or what, am I supposed to stop caring –"

"Oh sweetheart, pretty sure you stopped caring when you walked out that door."

She shot him a glower, one that would have sent many other men fleeing. Kat wasn't someone you messed with, unless your name was Dean Winchester and you had a bone to pick. Which he did, with this specific hunter.

"Oh would you take your head out of your ass for five fucking seconds Winchester!" she snapped, shooting him a dark glower. "Gah –men!"

"Well hey, no sweat off my back to save your life," he growled bitterly before leaving the room.

Sam was standing just outside, holding a two cups of coffee. Wordlessly he offered one to Dean, who took grabbed it and took off down the stairs and out to the Impala. Whether or not Sam would be coming was unimportant, he just needed a place to cool off for a bit.

* * *

Kat scowled, a torrent of emotions battering at her as Dean stormed out of the room. He had every damn reason to be pissed at her, but that didn't mean she was going to take it easily. A part of her wished that she could go back to that night and choose to do it differently, yet here she was, still suffering those well-deserved consequences. She groaned softly, glaring at the wall across from her. Dean had been the one to save her, to get her to the hospital –of course he had. And rather than try and make things up with, she just wound up picking a fight. A heavy weight settled on her shoulders and she looked at the blue sheets spread over her lap. The sooner she got out of here the better.

Sam entered the room cautiously and she glanced over at him, managing a small smile. He sure as hell looked a lot different but nearly five years could do that to a person. She hadn't seen the younger Winchester since before he'd left for Stanford. And she knew that it wasn't her right to ask why he'd left –Dean had been right about that, as much as she was reluctant to actually acknowledge that fact. He was taller than Dean now. A more genuine smile played across her lips as she had to look up at his face.

"Wow, you sure grew up!" She laughed lightly. She could still remember a time when she was looking down at him.

"I think you just got smaller," he replied with a cheeky grin as she sat down in Dean's vacated seat.

"I would hit you right now if I could," she said, mock primly, a grin on her face nonetheless. Times had certainly changed.

When they were younger, Kat's mother used to team up with John Winchester and it wasn't uncommon for Kat to spend time with them. She went on her first hunt with Dean when they were both sixteen, which is when their relationship had started, but looking back Kat knew that it was never a real relationship. Kat had never actually been in a relationship with a man before, never committed and didn't really want to either. And then she had gone to see Dean, finally escaping the controlling grasp of her mother and Dean was the only person on her mind. They had spent plenty of time together, but at twenty-two she had been terrified to hear those three words. It was definitely not the smartest thing she'd ever done, considering she missed her best friend. She missed the sex too, but it was mostly Dean that she missed.

"What happened to you guys?" Sam asked quietly.

"I screwed up," she admitted with a heavy sigh. "That's all."

"And you can't tell him that?"

Kat sat back up, fixing him with a glare. "Yeah maybe if he was interested in listening to me Sam!" It was a lot easier to say that she understood where Dean was coming, and to be nice when he wasn't around. It had been almost two years since she last saw him and she hardly knew how to react, aside from trying to deal with his apparent hatred towards her. It was mostly his wounded ego and shattered feelings that were speaking right now, but it still hurt.

"What happened?"

Kat shot him a look, "If you don't know, then there's a good reason it for it Sam. You might as well just go back to Dean; I'm fine to leave on my own."

"Did you ever think I might have been interested for different reasons Kat? You're practically my sister; I kinda wanted to catch up with you."

She cringed at his words. "Sorry." She exhaled softly, "This just isn't the time Sam."

"Okay, well… whenever the time comes? You have our numbers. I put them in your cell already."

She blinked, staring at him in surprise. "Thanks…"

Sam got up, "Let us, or at least me, know if anything happens okay?"

"Sorry Sam," she repeated as he left with a sad wave.

"Bye Kitty," he murmured softly. The pang that accompanied her nickname was nearly unbearable.

Once he was gone, she took a shuddery breath. She hadn't really expected to run into Dean ever again, and especially not Sam. Sam, who had gotten away, was tucked nice and safe in Stanford and making a real life for himself. What had happened? And god, seeing Dean right after… right after that? Kat didn't know how she could even fix everything but she knew that she wanted to. Because no matter what had happened between them, Dean was someone special to her. Those years ago she had made the biggest mistake in her life, and she wanted to right it.

She exhaled softly; glad that she had left the dream world the Djinn had created for her. It had been a surprise to wake up; when she thought she would rather stay in that happy place forever. A world where she was with Dean, where her mother wasn't a bitch and where she had retired from hunting. It was a world where she had Dean, where she got what she'd always wanted without screwing everything up. But now wasn't the time to worry about those things. Now was the time to get back out hunting and figure out if she could even earn Dean's forgiveness.


	5. Gonna Getcha Good!

With a laugh Kat followed him into his motel room, just as eager for the alone time as Dean was. He shut the door, flicking the lock into place. It wasn't like this was the first time they'd taken off after a hunt, only to rush back to their motel. If there was anything good that could be said about John leaving Dean to hunt on his own and his brother's disappearance to Stanford, it was that they didn't have to be so sneaky and cautious all the time. John wouldn't have approved; Sam probably wouldn't have either for that matter. But none of that mattered right now, as their lips joined again and their tongues soon followed.

Clothes were tossed aside carelessly as they each explored the other's body. It would never get old. She knew just what Dean liked, and she knew what he loved the most and she relished in that feeling until he had her on her back, kissing his way along her body. No man had ever known her like Dean, and she gave a happy mewl as he teased her. Breathy laughter escaped them and they kissed again, hot and hungry for more.

"Kitty," he growled playfully as he looked up at her.

She shot him a flirty smirk, leaning down to kiss him as she brought them together, their low groans filling the motel room. It didn't matter that the walls were paper thin, or that scars mottled their flesh because it was just them. And neither of them cared. It wasn't long before they were crying each other's name in ecstasy as they writhed together

"I love you," Dean moaned breathlessly, seemingly unaware that he had uttered those words because in the next moment he had tensed underneath her.

Chapter Five, Gonna Getcha Good!

Kat got her release in order and left the hospital before long, and she managed to find her way to her car in one piece to grab a change. Jeans and a t-shirt were comfortable enough for her, and practical enough for hunting too. She got in, grabbed her phone and made a call. It wasn't as though the Roadhouse was an uncommon place, and she spent the next several hours driving over and checking into one of the dingier motels long enough to take a shower. It was nice to feel clean again without feeling as though her skin had been rubbed right off in someone's attempt to keep her clean. It was a strange thought to consider, and one that she didn't spend long on.

She idly wondered if Dean ever went to the Roadhouse, but hoped that someone there knew where the Winchesters were bound. Last time she had been hanging around Dean, neither of them had known about the little place. She combed through her hair, working through the knots and tangles with practiced patience. It was getting close to needing another cut, the red strands almost grazing her shoulders. She changed into a fresh pair of jeans, tugging a plain lime-green t-shirt over her head before heading out to her car and driving over to the Roadhouse. It had been awhile since she'd last been there, as she had been occupied with several hauntings in Wisconsin before hearing about the Djinn and making a pit stop there.

It wasn't a fascinating tale to hear, about how Kat found herself involved with hunting. When she was six years old, her father had been killed by the resident ghost and she was next on the list. John Winchester was on his way to investigate and arrived shortly after, under the pretence of being a private investigator. He bustled Katherine off to stay at somewhere safe, which turned out to be with his two sons while John and her mother worked on the job together. At first John was more than irritated, but in the end Janine Calloway saved his life through what was more dumb luck than anything and he reluctantly explained everything to her. However, rather stay behind and move on with her life as she raised her daughter, Janine brought Kat along with her on hunts, much as John did with his two young sons. That was the first meeting, but not the last between the Calloways and Winchesters.

Since there wasn't much else in the world that interested Kat, she kept with hunting. She preferred working on hauntings, the simple salt and burns but it wasn't as though she hadn't run into other cases when she was older and actively working with her mother. Janine was still alive, but Kat was grateful to have escaped her mother's reaches in order to pursue her own life. And with a little more privacy. If someone asked her how her relationship with her mother was, Kat would describe it as being a good one. So long as she was several thousand miles away from the woman, but get them in the same room and all it disintegrated into fights bordering on screaming matches and slamming doors.

"Oh my god," she whispered, slamming her car into park before leaping out and running towards the wreckage. She froze a few feet from the blaze that was still smouldering, the smoke steadily rising towards the air of what had once been the Roadhouse.

Did Jo and Ellen make it out okay? What about Ash? Her hand was trembling as she pulled out her cell and dialled for the fire department. It wasn't long until sirens were filling the air and what was left of the blaze was put out. She gave them one of her less known aliases and told them what she had seen, and was left with too many unanswered questions as the fire truck pulled away. Why had no one reported the fire earlier? Whatever had happened here was no coincidence.

It wasn't even twenty minutes later when she heard the familiar roar of the Impala. She couldn't say what had made her stay, something about trying to remember those who had no doubt not made it out safely. Dean got out with another hunter she didn't recognize, an older man with a trucker's cap and a gray beard and they walked over to the remains of the building. Kat shifted nervously before walking over to them.

"Shit," Dean cursed lowly as he pulled back, knocking some of the charred wood aside.

The older hunter was standing back a ways, his eyes on her warily. She lifted a hand in greeting as she wandered over.

"What the hell are we supposed to do know?" Dean demanded crossly, turning away without even acknowledging her and stomping over to the car.

The older hunter turned away with a slight frown, following Dean. Kat didn't even hesitate in following Dean towards his car. The next thing she knew, Dean had cried out in apparent pain and was clinging to the hood of his car as he clutched his head. The older hunter looked worried too, but Kat reached Dean first, setting an uncertain steadying hand on his shoulder and ignoring the way he rolled his shoulder to try and dislodge it. His knees buckled a bit, but he caught himself on the car, gasping for a moment before raising his head.

"Are you alright?"

Kat noticed the way the older hunter seemed to also be ignoring her presence, but he was at least acknowledging her with eye contact.

"Yeah, I-I'm fine, just… a headache." Dean pulled away abruptly from her, turning to use the car to provide more distance between them. "And _you_ can get out of here."

Kat narrowed her eyes at him. "Whatever you're doing here, Winchester is my business." It was almost a bluff –it was her business because she wanted to have a chance to make things right between them, but she knew nothing about the specifics of why Dean was here. It was probably pretty big, whatever it was.

Dean scoffed and went to say something, but instead doubled over as he clutched at his head with a groan of pain, struggling against something.

"C-could've sworn I saw something," he muttered as he righted himself, rubbing at his head.

"Like… a vision?" the older man was asking, cautiously and Dean fired a glare at him.

"No, nothing like that."

"What'd you see?"

"A-a bell, a big one. With an engraving on it."

The older hunter beat her to the question this time, "An engraving? Like what?"

"A tree, like an oak tree or something, I think."

"Come on, I know where Sam is," the older man was saying as he got into the Impala.

Sam was missing? Kat maintained eye contact with Dean, refusing to break it. "Kat, I don't have time for this right now."

"Sam's in trouble," she murmured with a sigh, stepping back. She didn't want to get in Dean's way if that was what he was worried about. Sam was too important to him.

She watched as the Impala sped away before turning back to her own car. A part of her wanted to race after them, follow them to wherever they were going but she knew better than that. She wouldn't risk throwing their whole case off for her own reasons. She just hoped that if something went wrong, that maybe she could be there for Dean. She got back into her car, pulling out her cell phone and looking at the two latest contacts that had been added before glancing back at what was left of the Roadhouse. She deleted the number before driving off, in the same direction as the Impala with no intention of following the two men although she would have liked to.

It wasn't until much later that she got a phone call. She had pulled over off the road and was nearly sound asleep when her phone went off. She fumbled for a minute, not even looking at the caller ID before she answered with a groggy: "Hello?"

"Kitty?"

"Sam?" She was sitting up, muffling her yawn with her hand.

"Yeah, i-it's me."

"What is it?" So Dean had gotten to Sam in time, saved him and all. She smiled a bit at that.

"I think maybe you should come up and… see Dean."

Kat paused for a long moment. "He doesn't even know you're calling me, or that I have your numbers does he?"

"No, but listen Kat –that's, that's not important. You should really come spend some time with him."

She frowned at that, wondering what Sam was getting at. "I'd love to Sam, if it meant I could actually have a conversation with your brother but as things stand unless I'm locked in a room with him I don't think it's going to happen."

"I could arrange that."

"Sam… I'm not trying to force myself on Dean," she chuckled a bit at the thought and Sam's laughter echoed with hers for a short moment. "I just want to talk to him, and I want him to _want_ to listen."

"Katherine, I swear if you don't come you will regret it." It wasn't said threateningly, but with concern.

"Sam, what's going on?"

"I can't tell you, Kat. Just trust me, okay? We're in Colorado."

"Where?" she questioned, her exhaustion slipping away as she put her seatbelt on and started to drive in the direction Sam had sent her too.

She put her phone on the seat beside her, wondering what could possibly be going on. It was another long drive and she only made stops in order to grab another coffee, afraid that if she stopped for too long that by the time she got there something unspeakable would have happened.

What she didn't expect was for Dean to be waiting for her when she pulled up. He was leaning back against the motel wall, his eyes already on hers as she got out and hurried over to him. He looked exhausted, but despite that there was still the tension in the air between the two of them. It was thick and awkward, forcing silence between them.

He didn't say anything, turning from her and opening the door to go inside the motel room. Kat faltered for a minute, conflicted before following after him as she realized that she was alone with Dean. He shut the door behind her before moving towards the fridge, pulling out a beer.

"Want one?" he asked gruffly and she shook her head, taking a hesitant seat on one of the chairs at the table. Dean sat diagonal to her, popping the lid off the beer and taking a long swallow.

"What's going on?" she asked, afraid to let the silence simmer any longer between the two of them.

Dean looked at her, turning the bottle a little in his hands, the condensation running down the sides of it. There was a frightening emotion in his eyes, one that she couldn't quite place. "What are you doing back here, Kitty?"

She couldn't fight the smile that crossed her features at the use of her nickname. It had been such a long time since anyone had called her that. "I… things haven't been right between us Dean and I just… I would like to make them right."

He scoffed, taking another long drink from his beer. "Yeah, because you can make up for anything right?"

"No," Kat said quietly. "This… this is me trying to make it right. I can't fix what I did Dean, but I was stupid and young and I'm sorry, okay? I never wanted to hurt you."

He barked out a laugh, "It didn't hurt so much, that you didn't say those words," he looked at her then, an intense stare. "What hurt was that you snuck out, left me there thinking that _everything_ was okay, and it was going to be okay. You weren't just some one night stand –I thought I'd made that pretty clear!" He stopped himself suddenly, taking a deep breath. "But when I woke up, you weren't there. No note, no voicemail, no nothing."

Kat dropped her gaze from his. "I know, I screwed up." And she'd been living with that guilt for years now, knowing just how pissed Dean was at her was a little different and a little more painful to realize that he was doing it because his heart was still hurting. "I got… scared," she replied quietly, knowing that it wouldn't change anything.

It wasn't an excuse because she could never excuse what she had done. Dean had been her best friend for years, and for all intents and purposes he was her first boyfriend. He had been there for her through everything, through so much, whenever she needed him. And she was there for him when he needed her, when Sam left to Stanford and John left him. Kat was there for him. Until he said those three little words and she found herself more terrified than she had ever been before, that she couldn't deal with that level of affection. It wouldn't have changed anything. And Dean had been in his right to express himself. But Kat knew, she knew, that the wound she had caused wasn't a small one. And she knew that no words or explanations could make up for that.

"I miss you Dean, I've missed you and I screwed everything up. You have every right to kick me out the door but… I don't want to leave, not this time. I've grown up Dean. I'm not here… looking for, or expecting anything. I just," she frowned down at her hands, "I want to make things okay between us again."

"You really think things can be okay?" he asked dubiously, his dark green eyes on hers as he set his beer aside. There was weariness in his expression, and his eyes were guarded. Time had changed them both, she reminded herself. He wasn't the same person she knew and she certainly wasn't the same person he knew either.

"I hope so," she confessed, looking up at him.

Dean was quiet for a moment, turning away to look at something. "So what exactly were you scared of Kat?"

She frowned a bit at that. "I-I don't know exactly."

"Really?" he got out of his chair, putting some space between them. "You don't know," he mocked. "It's not like I was going to fucking leave you Kitty."

"That's not what I was afraid of," she protested, getting up as well. "Dean, please…"

"No. Tell me what you were afraid of –I need to hear it."

"Well maybe I don't want to tell you that," she bristled. Because she didn't. It was embarrassing and stupid and to this day, she couldn't understand it.

"I think you at least owe me that much!" he growled, glaring at her. "You walked out on me Kitty –you wanna walk right back in? You tell me what the hell scared you off last time. Because I sure as hell never pegged you as a coward, and while I'm being honest, I don't actually believe that you got 'scared off'."

She wasn't exactly sure when she had moved over to Dean, but she was standing in front of him before he had even finished speaking. "I'm not a coward. And you damn well know it, Winchester."

"Really?" he smirked down at her, "You said you were scared Kitty –what of? Losing me –maybe you thought I was just going to haul you around with me and you were scared of losing your independence. So which is it Kat? Huh?"

"It's nothing like that!" she snapped back.

"Well I wasn't the one who said you were scared _princess_ so what's got you so upset?" he goaded, his eyes on her as he took a step closer to her.

Kitty lashed out, her palm slapping onto his chest to keep the distance between them. "You're the one who's making me upset!" It was a weak protest, and she knew that Dean didn't even buy it, but the smirk that lit up his eyes was too infuriating to ignore. "And damn you Dean! I'm not upset –I'm mad!"

"What're you so mad about?"

"Well the fact that you're asking as though you don't care, for one! And because –Dean!" she growled in frustration as he went to turn away from her. "I just want us to be friends!"

"And I just want to know what sent you running last time so I can expect it this time! What were you so afraid of, huh?"

When she didn't answer, he made a disgusted sound, turning as though to truly leave her there. "I was afraid of losing you goddamit!" she shouted, her hands in fists at her sides as she refused to look at him. Out of her peripheral vision, she could see that he had turned to look back towards her but she couldn't make out his expression. "It's stupid and pathetic, yeah," she scoffed, looking away. "I was scared that staying with you would have destroyed us faster than me leaving. I didn't know what to do Dean! And I made a mistake, because I was some stupid idiot."

The next moment, she felt his hands on her arms, turning her back towards him. "What do you mean by that?"

She avoided looking at his eyes, instead staring at his chest. A part of her wondered how much more toned he was than when she had last been with him, and a shudder passed through her involuntarily at the memory of before this mess. "I mean we were never exactly serious. Both of our parents would have murdered us. And I know you were with other women, I didn't stop you from that and you didn't stop me from the other men. That was fine, but…" But if they had ever gotten together, tried to be serious, could they have survived it? At the time, it made sense that if she left she could return, opposed to having Dean break her heart to the point where she couldn't come back.

She was an idiot. She knew it. And her idea, naïve as it was, backfired. Unsurprisingly and rightfully. She'd done more damage. And she had done all of that, without ever knowing how they could have been if they'd been together.

He laughed, but the sound of it was flat and humourless. "That's why you left?"

She nodded silently, afraid to look at him, afraid to see the amusement and frustration and possibly hate behind his eyes. But the last thing she expected was to find his arms wrapping around her.

* * *

_I want to thank everyone so much for all the reviews you've left me! I really appreciate them. I'm just wondering what you think of Kat so far? _


	6. Smooth Criminal

That morning when Kitty woke up, she knew something was wrong. She rolled over, closer to Dean, frowning when there was nothing but a cold spot where a warm body should have been. She reached over, patting his side of the bed until her hand found the pillow he'd been using. She clenched her hand very slowly, biting her lower lip and attempting to keep her tears in check but she couldn't help the few that rolled down her cheeks in misery. She opened her mouth, shakily exhaling before getting out of the bed and dressing, feeling ashamed of herself for having hoped. Obviously, there was no making this right. Dean couldn't ever forgive her –and she didn't even know what she was supposed to do about his pigheadedness either. But she knew what she wasn't going to do.

She wasn't going to hunt him down and shoot him. She wasn't going to curl up in a ball and cry. No, it was probably time enough to move on and find a hunt to distract her. Maybe several hauntings. That sounded good. Ghosts she could deal with right now. Ghosts she knew how to handle. People were a bit more of a mystery to her, right now. Honestly, she hadn't expected to wake up alone. And it wasn't as though this was her first fight with Dean, but that damn Winchester… he sure knew how to make her hurt. She had tried to amend her mistake yesterday. Dean had actually accepted it. But now, it seemed pretty clear that he wasn't interested beyond that.

She moved over to the window, brushing the curtain aside so she could see if the Impala was still there. All she could see were red brake lights in the distance.

Chapter Six, Smooth Criminal

Alyssa wasn't sure how long it had been anymore. At one point it had just been a few hours, but now those hours were really starting to be drug out and her nerves and anxiety were sky high. That was, until, the door opened and she watched as the same agent who had apprehended her walked Sam and Dean Winchester right into the cell across from her own. She was curled up on her own cot, wrists and ankles handcuffed together as a mark of the fight she'd put up to try and escape.

"A-Alyssa?!" Sam was shuffling forward before the FBI agent had even left the room, and he nearly tripped Dean up in his haste to move closer.

"Hi," she said quietly, smiling at them from between the bars.

"You're alive!"

She frowned, "Yeah…? Generally people only live once."

"You don't know… ab-about the Roadhouse." Sam exhaled heavily, turning to look back at Dean. His brother was staring at the floor.

"What about it?"

"It burned down. Ash didn't make it –Ellen's okay though."

"It-it… Ash's dead?" That wasn't exactly the easiest news to take.

"Where've you been?" Sam urged, worry evident on his face.

Alyssa turned away from him, trying to sort out her feelings. She wondered if the demons had gone after the Roadhouse because of her connections to it. Had she led them there? Had they found her trail and wound up there? She looked back at him, the way his gaze was on her, the desperation painted on both of the Winchester's faces.

"I've been hiding."

"From what?" Dean sneered, looking over at her dubiously.

"Demons," she snapped back. "Okay? Demons. And they got me, alright."

"Listen, sweetheart," he said patronizingly, "I don't mean to break it you but these guys are just glorified cops. They aren't demons."

"Not the ones here," Alyssa agreed. "But there are some of them that are possessed. I would have thought that was something you might have been a bit more aware of."

"Alyssa," Sam said soothingly. "Aly, what do you mean? Why is the FBI after you? Why are demons after you?"

Now was not the time. Now was the worst possible time for this question to come up. But there it was. And here was the moment. "I don't know Sam, why don't you tell me?" She hated herself, a little bit, for the snarky tone that lashed out. But it felt good.

His eyes widened in surprise, "What do you mean?"

"I mean that for one, the FBI somehow seems to think that I'm behind Jess's death. And it's not exactly like you've been around to help clear up that little misunderstanding and neither are you exactly trustworthy enough to cover it up. Why the hell are demons after me, Sam? You tell me. Because they didn't show up until the night after you left, when next thing I know the FBI's showing up at my door and dragging me off in cuffs.

"Only they aren't taking me to any prison or holding facility, no, because _god_ that would be too simple wouldn't it? No, they took me out to Nevada, in the middle of nowhere to kill me! They had their guns drawn, but you know what the assholes wouldn't do?" Alyssa couldn't help the way her voice had risen to an almost shrill level, nor could she stop the tears that were in her eyes as she remembered. "They wouldn't just _kill_ me, because that would ruin the fun of the chase. So they hunted me down, every night. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even eat. I-I don't even remember how I made it to Arizona, or when I broke into that mall and dyed my hair. When I stole clothes from thrift stores so that I could disappear.

"Because the only thing they wanted was to get a few kicks out of killing me. Now I don't know why the FBI wants me, or why they're possessed by demons or why they're hunting me down. But this started when you left. And I _tried_, the minute I could, to call you, looking for some help, for you to clear this up for me –I mean goddamit Sam you were my best friend! And your number? Was disconnected." Sam had always been there the moment she needed him, but when her life was at stake and she went to call her best friend knowing that he was the only one who could help her… she had no way to get in contact with him again. He hadn't even left her a number that she could use. And sure, she knew that he had his reasons, but it didn't exactly help her feel any better.

"Alyssa…"

She turned away from his voice, staring at the wall in her cell. He could apologize, and he would mean it. She had already forgiven him. But it was so hard to not be mad at him. It was so hard to not be scared, to not relive those moments when she was in Nevada with nowhere to go and no one to help her and the authority figures she had spent her life respecting, shooting at her as though it was just a game. She figured it out in Arizona that they weren't who they seemed to be, she figured out that she needed to learn a little bit more and after a lot of digging, she found what she needed. She found her answers, learned they were demons. But it never really made sense about why.

"I'm so sorry…"

She glanced over at him, noticing the way his head was resting against the bars that separated them. Dean was sitting on the bed, his feet stretched out so that the chains connecting them didn't trip either of them up. Alyssa managed a small smile in Sam's direction.

"I know, you… you didn't know. And that's okay."

"I can… I can fix this," he protested quietly.

"No, you can't. Not anymore. Considering you're here, but thank you." A more genuine smile tugged at her lips. "We'll have to talk again Sam, about… what happens next." If there was a next. If they didn't just walk down and shoot her like a dog. She would really like to make things better between her and Sam, now that the truth was out there.

The door creaked open and Sam stepped back quickly, sitting down beside Dean. Alyssa shifted, turning away to stare into the darkness. Henriksen walked down the stairs, his smug posture enough to send a crippling fear through Alyssa. There was no way out of here. She found the irrational panic that was creeping in, taking a deep breath to try and keep it at a distance. She didn't want to die and if there was one thing she knew it was that the FBI were not trustworthy, no one was. She curled back further on her cot, in the darkest recess, keeping her eyes on Henriksen as he walked over to the Winchesters.

"Well, well, well. I've got the Winchesters and a firebug, isn't that right sweetheart," he sneered, looking at her. He positioned himself so that it was a short walk between the Winchester's cell to hers.

Alyssa focused on breathing, letting Henriksen's gloating wash over her. She couldn't afford to pay it any attention, to let it bother her. She heard him leave, heard the helicopter over head and she knew that she wouldn't be leaving this building alive. Her fears were proven right when a nother law officer arrived, baring a gun and raving. And when his eyes flashed black and he took aim, she screamed.

It took a while to sort out and Alyssa was grateful to be left alone while Henriksen demanded answers, and even when Nancy came down with a towel and Sam stole the rosary from her. She felt no safer. The night quickly proved to be a long one, but between the adrenaline and her own shock, she had little trouble remaining awake. She watched in horror as the demons parted, letting the beautiful blonde woman walk up. She watched as Sam wiped out the salt line; let her in before putting it back in place. Felt nauseous at the suggestion that they use Nancy to wipe out the demon horde outside, felt pride when they came up with an alternate plan that didn't involve killing an innocent virgin.

Even though Henriksen believed them after he himself was possessed, Alyssa was not happy to be teamed up with the FBI agent. He knew even less about her than what he knew about the Winchesters, beyond what his orders said, which were that she was to be taken in for questioning due to her connection to Jessica Moore's death. Sam had only shot the agent an almost amused smile at the absurdity of the situation and stated that Alyssa had no part to play in it, before they were being divided up and sent to defend the entry points. She wasn't totally unfamiliar with guns, having learned more than enough in order to keep herself safe and she knew enough from working with Jo and a few other hunters on the odd case here and there to be less than useless. But Henriksen's training proved to excel as he fired rock salt rounds into the possessed men and women as they walked in.

By the end of the night, Alyssa's bruised and battered body told her petulantly that she was not a hunter. She was not cut out for this lifestyle anymore than anyone else was, but this wasn't what she was supposed to be doing with her life. She looked towards the Winchester brothers, wondering what their connection with that demon was exactly. She trusted their judgement, but she didn't trust demons. No demon was trustworthy.

Alyssa was shuffled off to leave with the Winchesters, Henriksen promising to do what he could to clear her name for her. She caught Sam's gaze several times and knew that there was a long conversation ahead for her. Dean left them alone with only a crude joke before he was gone to go and get breakfast for them while the sun rose.

"I'm sorry," Sam said quietly, breaking the silence that was lingering between them.

Alyssa managed a bittersweet smile in his direction, "I know. And we can't change it, now. It's too late, but we can… I don't want to lose you again, Sam." She turned towards him, squeezing the washcloth between her hands as she washed them. "It's been a long time. Could we just… can we catch up? Be friends again?"

Sam smiled back warmly, "Of course we can."

Never mind the fact that nearly a year ago when he'd asked her this question himself, she had cut him down brutally. But there was an understanding between, like always. Sam hadn't known and Alyssa had been angry, but it was difficult to stay mad at him for long. Especially considering how things had been, before he was torn away from Stanford.

* * *

_Sorry for the shortness, but this leads directly to the next chapter which is a sequence of flashbacks between Sam and Alyssa, from when they met to how they parted. Eventually the same flashback chapter except for Kitty and Dean will arrive. Thanks so much for the reviews, you're all awesome! I wish I could find a little more time to write right now for you guys! I hope you enjoyed and let me know what you think :D_


	7. Lips of an Angel

Chapter Seven, Lips of an Angel

When they first met, it was a few weeks before graduation. Sam had seen her around before, but didn't really pay much attention. He was too focused on studying for his SATs. One particular afternoon he left Brady and his friends who were goofing off, relaxing because they still had time to get more studying in, to go to the library and get more studying done. He sat down at a vacant table, grateful to the silence of the library. His attention was drawn however to a classmate who was sitting at the table in front of him, papers spread around her as she studied them. By the variance in text books that were piled next to her, Sam knew that she wasn't just studying for some final test.

That pattern stayed the same for about a day or two and the next thing Sam knew, Brady started to tag along with him. Brady never studied until the last minute. His parents were rich enough that Brady's scores never mattered either, they could have gotten him into any school he wanted to be in. But when Brady tagged along, Sam was pretty sure it was the first time that he had ever actually seen his friend study and put effort in. And it didn't take him long to find out why, or rather for Brady to tell him why.

It was at the end of English when Brady elbowed him sharply in the side. "So you spend a lot of time in the library, yeah?"

Sam looked at him, "Why?"

Brady squirmed a bit, looking away casually. "Just wondering if you've talked to Alyssa at all."

Alyssa…? "What're you getting at Brady?" he replied, smiling at his friend. He elbowed him back lightly as he packed up his bag.

"She's my partner in chem., and I just… I couldn't take being rejected again! You know how that goes. C'mon Sam, help a guy out?"

Sam laughed, "You want me to ask her out for you?" he asked incredulously.

"No! No, just… could you make sure she's single?"

"If she's your lab partner why don't you just ask her yourself Brady?" He got up.

"Dude come on –I asked Eliza out to that party for you."

Sam rolled his eyes, "Fine. If it means that much to you…"

So that lunch break, Sam found himself sitting across from her. Brady hadn't come to the library, presumably scared off by the fear of rejection. Alyssa looked up from her books, her blue eyes wide in surprise, but she offered him a small smile, moving her books aside to give him some space. "Sorry about that, no one usually sits here," she laughed nervously.

"Its fine," Sam told her, smiling back. She was pretty cute –and that thought was a bit shocking. He was going to prom with Eliza after all, and they were practically dating even though Sam still wasn't sure if his dad was going to let him stay here long enough to actually graduate with his classmates of the month.

Alyssa turned back to her books and Sam caught sight of Brady, standing out in the hallway, looking at Sam expectantly. He rolled his eyes. "Alyssa, right?"

She looked up at him in surprise, "Yeah?"

"Are you single?"

She blinked in surprise. "W-why the sudden interest Sam?"

How did she know his name? As far as he knew they had never interacted with one another until now. He smiled gently at her, "Look, my friend Brady, you know him right?" She nodded. "Well he's too much of a coward to ask you this himself, so he got me to do it for him. And he was wondering if you were single."

Alyssa frowned but there was a smile on her lips. Hopefully a good sign for Brady. "I'm single, and I don't have a date for prom. But you can't tell him that," she looked up at him, her bright blue eyes twinkling. "If he wants to know himself, he better ask me himself."

"Cool, then I'll just let him know to ask you in chem.," Sam chuckled warmly.

Alyssa smiled softly at him before turning back to her papers. "Are you going to study with me today? I mean, it… would be beneficial to both of us, right?"

Sam blinked in surprise. "Sure, I'll study with you."

* * *

A month later, Sam was enrolled in a completely different school where he graduated with a class of strangers. He got his SAT results back and was more than grateful to realize that they were beyond his expectations (a tiny part of him was worried that he'd failed) and he got the acceptance letter to Stanford within the week. And it wasn't as though he hid the fact that he'd been accepted from Dean and his father… he was just waiting for the right moment to let them know. But that moment didn't really arrive. And Sam kind of procrastinated about it, reminding himself that he had plenty of time to let them know. However, in the middle of a fight with his father, he had shouted it out and left earlier than he intended.

The first days were a little rough and the rest of the summer was pretty difficult to adjust to. But, by the time classes had started, he'd gotten used to being on his own and more than enjoyed it. It was orientation when he saw her next, a notebook out as she looked a little lost and he went over to her.

"Hey!" he said warmly, smiling brightly at her. It was so good to see a familiar face here.

"Sam?" she asked incredulously, looking up at him. "Oh it is you!"

He beamed at her, "Yeah, I made it here! And so did you by the looks of it. What program?"

"Law, you?"

"Same!" he laughed.

Alyssa giggled and hugged him suddenly. "You just disappeared! Where've you been?"

"Around," he replied evasively. "My dad was pretty big on secrecy, never liked to stay in one place for long," he added casually. "What've you been up to since I saw you?"

"Oh well I'm here with Brady –not like that," she added hastily. "He didn't work up the nerve to talk to me until prom so we're just friends."

"Takin' it slow, right babe?" Brady laughed, sauntering over to them, a plastic plate in each hand.

Alyssa rolled her eyes, stepping back, "Honestly Brady."

Sam smiled warmly at them and it took Brady a moment to recognize him. "Sam! You made it! Wh-where have you been?" he laughed, shuffling the plates around but Alyssa saved him the dilemma by taking one of the plates and Brady pulled Sam into a hug.

"Sorry, my dad," he said by way of explanation when Brady stepped back. "I would've let you know if I could have."

"Ah, it's alright –at least you're here now."

"Full ride scholarship," he added with a smirk.

"No way," Brady groaned. "How did I get stuck with two geniuses like you guys?"

Alyssa laughed softly, "It's not a quite a full-ride for me."

Brady snorted, "Three quarters of it, they guaranteed you a dorm room if you got a little cash together."

"Yeah, unlike you who just bought you way in," she teased. "I mean honestly, some people have to work at this Brady!"

Sam laughed, sitting down on the grassy knoll with them. "What do you mean you bought you way in Brady?"

"Turns out I didn't do so hot on those tests," he chuckled. "Dad paid for me to get here, pulled a few strings, you know…"

"Why Stanford?" Sam asked. "I thought you wanted to go into business at Harvard."

"Well yeah, but…" he glanced at Alyssa and smiled charmingly, "Harvard doesn't have Alyssa Jones."

Alyssa rolled her eyes, shaking her head, "It has plenty more interesting people there Brady. And enough with your cheesy lines!"

"But you know you love them," he whined, bumping his shoulder against hers.

Sam got up abruptly, "Think I'm going to get some food." He left quickly to join the line of first years. He frowned to himself. He had certainly missed a lot, in one month and a bit. Alyssa and Brady were friends now which was a lot closer than when he'd left them but why did he even care? Alyssa was his friend and so was Brady and he was more than happy to see the two of them here.

* * *

Over summer break stayed behind in California, got a job and spent his time as a cashier at a supermarket. He saved what he could, and used the rest to pay his rent at a nearby apartment. He was grateful when school started up again, to leave the apartment and go back to his dorm room which he was now sharing with Brady. He was more than a little surprised to say the least that Brady hadn't dropped out of first year –he had struggled through a few classes, but other than that done alright. Unlike Sam and Alyssa, who were quite the pair of shining pupils in their classes.

It was a few weeks later when Alyssa showed up for the first day of classes and Brady dragged them all out to the campus bar for celebratory drinks despite Sam's protests about class being the next day. Alyssa reluctantly took a shot and Sam did as well while Brady downed about four of them, laughed as Alyssa choked and coughed on her first tequila shot. Sam had a little less difficulty, having had the occasional drink with Dean after a hunt when their dad was passed out. He scowled, ordered another drink and downed it.

He was right, by the next day he was regretting those drinks. Sam was almost late and didn't have a choice in seating, as he sat down beside a pretty blonde girl he thought he'd seen around before.

"I'm Sam," he offered softly as he sat down beside her.

"Jessica, but my friends call me Jess," she replied with a radiant smile.

* * *

Alyssa was more than a little shocked when Sam's new friend Jess started showing up to every study group and lunch date they made. She took a slow sip on her ice tea, listening to Jess talk animatedly about how Sam had managed to stop a fight between these two guys in their sociology class and how amazing he was. Sam would blush a little, and laugh it off, but there was that stupid smile on his face. After it became clear that Jess was sticking around, Alyssa made sure that she either went with Brady or didn't go at all. And it wasn't long after that Sam and Jess started dating.

Alyssa did her best to be happy for him, when she was around him, but when she wasn't, she was happy for him from afar. Sam didn't really notice either, as he and Jess were practically together all the time. After a few weeks of avoiding her best friend though, Alyssa sucked it up. Because Sam was happy with this girlfriend of his and she should be happy for him and so she tried.

"Hey, do you want to maybe come over for Christmas?" Brady asked as they sat together in the library. He didn't have to study with her, but so long as he was free at the same time as her, he was often doing the same thing she was. "I mean my family dinners _suck_. And it would be really great to have a friend with me…"

Alyssa looked up at him and smiled gently. "Sure, that sounds nice." Better than her own non-existent plans considering her parents were on holiday in Florida.

Brady beamed, "Awesome!"

When they came back from Christmas break, they were officially dating. Sam was more than a little surprised, having never really believed that Alyssa and Brady were even remotely compatible. But he congratulated his friends, and so did Jess. Jess was the first one to suggest double-dating, her eyes bright and Alyssa agreed happily. They were all friends at least, and going out to dinner was a good idea.

Jess dragged Alyssa into conversation and in moments they were like sisters who had been parted at birth. Brady was smiling, watching their girlfriends chat away as he poked at the ice in his coke. Sam listened idly, made a few comments here and there and decided that he was going to try and avoid going on double dates often unless he wanted to sit and listen his girlfriend and best friend talk about everything under the sun. But he didn't mind. He squeezes Jess's hand lightly and she giggled at something Alyssa had said, shifting to lean against Sam and idly playing with his hand.

* * *

Spring break came before long and Brady went off on a family vacation, leaving Alyssa behind. Likewise, Jess was flown home without Sam. It was the first time in quite a while that Sam and Alyssa had any time to them, and even rarer it was almost the first time they could spend with just them. Mostly they did homework.

Jess had been renting a two bedroom apartment in the city, and about two months into their relationship Sam had moved in with her, leaving Brady with a dorm room to himself. However, about a month after Sam had left and with an allowance going to waste, Brady rented out an apartment as well where he had been staying. Alyssa was the only one who still had a dorm room and was content to stay there while she spent her summers at home working to save up enough money so that upon graduation she could have a good start. By the time summer break rolled around, Sam was keeping up payments on Jess's apartment and Brady's family had paid for his apartment so it would still be there when he got back.

Alyssa went home and worked as a secretary at the SPCA. Every two weeks Brady made sure to drop by and romance her and it was amazing. Every time he dropped by to see her, it was something different. He started off with flowers and cheesy romance songs before moving to bouquets and cheesy poems. It wasn't much better, but then he started to add chocolates and romantic dinners and late nights into the mix and soon it was perfect and Alyssa couldn't wait to see him again. And she definitely couldn't wait to go back to school either.

That summer she went back a little earlier than she had to, and made sure that she went out for drinks with Sam. Just the two of them, since she had exchanged only about a hundred emails with him since April. It was good to catch up, and it was even better to watch Sam get hammered for the first time.

"J-Jess's gonna be pissed huh?" he laughed.

Alyssa giggled, "I don't know, I think she might like to see this side of you." She was certainly enjoying it.

"I love her," he confessed. "I would marry her if I could, I think. She's amazing!" He paused, looking at her as she helped walk him back to his apartment. "You're amazing too! I love you!"

That was a little strange to hear and she looked at him with a furrowed brow and awkwardly replied, "Love you too Sam…"

He laughed brightly and they stumbled back to his apartment where Jess was. She had come back a week earlier. And Alyssa was right, Jess wasn't mad but she was very amused at Sam's drunken declarations of love and awesomeness and as he sang her praises, Alyssa excused herself and went back to Brady's apartment. He'd given her a spare key the last time she had seen him and since Stanford wasn't open yet, she didn't have her dorm room set up.

* * *

Alyssa had no classes with Sam since he was going to be a lawyer and she wanted to do something more along the lines of working with the criminally insane –it seemed fascinating to her. But despite their lack of class time, it seemed like they were spending more time together. She loved Jess and was looking forward to hearing about Sam's proposal because it was obvious that it was going to happen eventually. He was head over heels in love with her and Jess loved him, despite how he never told anyone about his family and there was a lot of stuff he didn't talk about. They were just about perfect for each other, and Alyssa couldn't be happier for them. Brady however was busy with his essays and she hardly saw him unless she was spending the night at his apartment.

Everything changed after spring break though. By that time, her roommate had kicked her out of their dorm so she was living at Brady's. He had the obligatory family vacation to go to, this time somewhere down in New Orleans if she remembered right. Jess left as well, with Sam, to see her family. Alyssa spent the next several days on her own, just going to see the odd movie at the theatre before tackling her homework and getting ahead in her classes. It was boring, but all of her friends had left for spring break.

Sam and Jessica came back first, and it wasn't until a week later that Alyssa even heard back from Brady. When she got home from her night class, there was a new message on the answering machine; she hit play, setting her purse and books down.

_"Hey babe, it's me. I… I've been busy, sorry I haven't called you back. Anyways, I'll be home soon. See ya."_

Alyssa stared at the phone, as though willing it to give her the answers she wanted. He'd been busy? She had been phoning him in a panic ever since he didn't get off the plane he was supposed to have been on! She scowled. Something seemed off, this wasn't like Brady. He used to phone her every night and whenever he left a message, he was unusually sweet. Something must have happened.

Alyssa uneasily went to sleep and repeated her usual routine, heading to school. Upon returning that evening, she discovered a letter of official withdrawal addressed to Brady. None of this made any sense. It wouldn't be another three days until she saw her boyfriend, stumbling into the bedroom at three in the morning.

His fumbling movements were clumsy and his words weren't sweet or consoling. He flopped down onto the bed beside her, promptly ignored her and went to sleep. Feeling utterly disgusted, she took the spare blankets from the closet and slept on the couch that night.

"Shit," Brady swore under his breath as he stirred his coffee.

Alyssa sat up bolt upright, looking at him accusingly. "Where have you been?!"

"New Orleans, jeez, it's no big deal babe. I thought you could handle it."

"You never phoned me back!" she reminded him, distressed. "I waited for you at the airport and you never came –you could have at least called."

Brady groaned, "Do you never shut up?"

Alyssa flinched, staring at him in shock. "E-excuse me?"

"You heard me. It's been nag, nag, _nag_ ever since I got in this morning. Would it kill you to be happy to see me? We are dating right?"

Alyssa stared at him in disbelief. "A-are you drunk? Or-or stoned?! What the hell Brady!"

He groaned again, setting his coffee aside. "Just shut up," he growled quietly. "I can't even think with all your yelling."

Alyssa stared at him in disbelief and before she was really conscious of what she was doing, she was standing in front of him and trying to get him to look at her, to make eye contact, something so she could see that his eyes were clear. She didn't want to see the glassy, glazed stoned appearance in them that she knew came with drugs.

"You're high aren't you?" she asked, dismayed. "What happened in New Orleans Brady, I mean you w-wouldn't do this."

"How do you know what I would or wouldn't do?!" he snarled, shoving her back. "It's my business, not yours what the hell I do."

A small screech was all she managed to get out of her throat before he had her pinned against the couch with his hands around her neck. She struggled to inhale but he tightened his gasp and she kicked her legs in vain as he shoved them to the side, setting his knee over them to stop her movements. Her arms were trapped under her own body weight, she gasped desperately for air and suddenly his hands were gone and she inhaled deeply, gasping.

The next thing she was aware of was the door slamming shut behind him.

Alyssa didn't even bother packing up all of her belongings; she took a change of clothes and some other valuables before leaving the apartment. Feeling spiteful, she left the spare key lying right in front of their door before she headed to the only other place she knew. Self-consciously she adjusted her hair and kept her head down, trying to hide the bruises as she hurried over to Sam and Jess's apartment. Tomorrow she could figure out a better solution, but for now this was the only feasible one.

She knocked on the door, oblivious to the way her hand was shaking and the tears that had started to roll down her cheeks. She didn't care who opened the door –Sam, Jess, it didn't matter, and the instant the door opened she was hugging the first person who was there. And judging by the fact that her face was pressed against a shoulder instead of air, she knew that it was Sam. She inhaled deeply, trying to get her emotions under control, before stepping back. He was looking at her with wide eyes.

"A-are you okay?" he asked concernedly.

Alyssa shook her head, biting her trembling lip. "C-could I stay here?"

"U-uh, of course," he replied, stepping back, looking for Jess probably as she came inside.

Alyssa went straight to the living room, sitting down on the couch and curling up as she shook in fear. She didn't honestly think that Brady would have ever done something like that. But that… that wasn't Brady. Since spring break, since he hadn't taken the flight back… It wasn't Brady anymore. He had clearly changed into someone a lot less sweet and romantic and Alyssa wanted nothing to do with him.

She glanced over, spotting Sam talking to Jess. Her friend was already in her pajamas; an old Smurfette shirt with white shorts. She caught Jess's worried look and suddenly her best friend was moving towards her, hugging her and Sam was sent out to the kitchen probably to get chocolate or ice cream or something.

"Aly, what's going on?" Jess asked concernedly. "Did you and Brady break up? Is he back?"

Alyssa nodded awkwardly, "He-he um, got in la-last night b-but he's not the Brady we knew anymore," she mumbled, feeling the tears escape. She blinked rapidly, taking a deep breath, trying to get them to stop but she was just so scared.

"What do you mean?" Jess asked, moving over and gently rubbing her back.

Unable to explain it despite the few tries she took, Alyssa just moved her hair aside to show Jess the bruises that she knew were forming. Her throat felt hoarse and she could swear she could still feel his hands cutting her oxygen off. She burst into tears and Jess wrapped her arms around her, holding her close as she cried. It was the scariest feeling she had ever felt. That man in her apartment wasn't someone she knew –he was a complete stranger. Because the man she had been falling in love with, would never do that.

Sam re-entered the room awkwardly, a bowl of ice cream in one hand. Jess made a gesture –Alyssa couldn't see what it was –and Sam sat down beside her. It took about fifteen minutes for her to settle down and two bowls of ice cream before they could get the full story out of her. Sam agreed that something had to be done and he decided that tomorrow he would go and talk to Brady, see if he could figure out what was wrong while Alyssa and Jess went and filed charges.

An hour later, Jess was apologizing and calling it a night because she had an exam first thing the next morning and she left to go to sleep. Sam however stayed right beside Alyssa.

"D-don't you have an early class tomorrow?" Alyssa asked her breathing back to normal. Her body had finally stopped shaking and she felt exhausted.

"Yeah, but it's nothing important. I want to make sure you're okay –besides I can nap later but I can't make up this time with you right now. You need someone," he added gently.

Alyssa nodded, hugging him tightly. Sam wrapped his arms around her, holding her close and she was surprised by how _safe_ she felt. How… right this felt, being held by Sam. She inhaled gently, catching his familiar scent with just a light minty undertone.

Sam pulled back gently and Alyssa reluctantly let go of him, looking at him. At his green eyes, at his lips and the way he was smiling warmly at her. And she realized that there was something different the moment she felt herself lean in towards, the moment that that movement seemed natural and right. She pressed her face against his shoulder, her heart pounding. Sam would never cheat; she would never do something like that to Jessica. She was… She was just upset. About Brady, that was all it was. Sam kissed her temple gently, seemingly oblivious to his action.

Suddenly, everything seemed so different.

* * *

Sam watched as Alyssa slept, the small cushion on his lap apparently enough of a pillow for his friend. He brushed her hair back gently, frowning as the bruises came into sight again. Brady… He didn't really want to think about what he was going to do to his friend. Partly because he wasn't entirely sure what he was going to do. Obviously Brady needed some help, but Sam really wanted to hurt him. Alyssa didn't deserve that –she deserved a hell of a lot more than what Brady could ever give her. She deserved to be cherished and loved by a man; she deserved a man who could give her the family she always wanted, someone who wouldn't mind having four or five kids. She wanted a big family, she always used to say. Her heart held so much love –it couldn't take the beating and the shattering that Brady had done to it. Alyssa deserved someone better.

A quiet voice spoke up, somewhere in the recesses of his mind. _But you could._ Sam shoved the thought aside, reminding himself that he had Jess and he loved her more than anyone. Even more than Alyssa. He frowned a little, and glanced at the clock. It was half past two –he was tired and his exhaustion was starting to talk to him. That was all.

* * *

Alyssa saw more of Sam that week than she ever expected to. He didn't talk about Brady at all and the file was going through the courts, but there wasn't much point. His father paid if off. Jess mentioned on occasion, with plenty of caution, that Sam and Brady hadn't really spent a lot of time together but from the last time the two had met, Brady seemed to be improving. Alyssa didn't really care.

A week after that, Alyssa was still crashing on Sam and Jess's couch. Neither of them seemed to mind, but she was still determined to find another place to stay. The tension, or whatever it was, that she felt between her and Sam was still there. She wanted to kiss him, wanted to hold his hand and do everything that Jess could do with him. But she knew Sam was happy with Jess and Jess was happy with him. There was no room for her to step between them and she couldn't bear to break them up anyways.

But it was bizarre to realize, as the school year passed by in a blur, that falling in love with oblivious Sam was really quite easy. She traded so many emails and phone calls with him over that summer, that she couldn't keep track of them all. When school started up again, they were both getting ready for their internships at different departments. She heard from Jess that Sam's brother had come into town –and like Jess, she didn't really know anything about Dean aside from his name. Despite her feelings, Jess was still her best friend and Alyssa steadfastly refused to do anything with her feelings.

And then, suddenly, their apartment burned up. Jess was killed. And Sam was nowhere to be found. But because some of her belongings were still hanging around and apparently fingerprints were tying her to their place, the FBI wanted her for questioning. When she managed to get a phone, dialed the number that she had memorized, it didn't even go to voicemail.

_"The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected."_

Sam was gone, just like Jess was gone and like Brady before them. Alyssa was alone, very alone.

* * *

_**Author's Notes**: I really hope you like this chapter, I've had it planned out since the beginning. I hope the length makes up some for the delay in getting this finished. Please let me know what you think!_


	8. Chasing Cars Gives You Hell

Alyssa and Sam met for coffee within a week, tucked away in a corner. Dean had practically shoved them out of their room, promising to research what he could in order to break the deal. Alyssa still didn't know that part. But for now at least, she was going to stay behind in this little hick town in the middle of nowhere. She and Sam exchanged numbers as they spent their 'date' catching up with one another. Sam told her more than he'd ever told anyone else. About his life and Dean's, about their father and for once, it was a little easier to talk about Jess. Alyssa knew Jess, knew how they'd been. Likewise, she told him everything. Unfortunately there wasn't much he could do. Especially with how close time was getting. Dean didn't have long left. They parted with a sweet kiss and the next morning and Sam left with Dean to go and find some way to save his soul.

Chasing Cars Gives You Hell

Kitty was on the run when her phone rang. To say it was inconvenient would be a huge understatement. Because first of all, she had bigger things to be worried about than answering her phone. Like the fact that someone had reported her for breaking and entering in an abandoned property. Then again, it was about to be sold. But the soon-to-be-residents owed her a huge thank you. She had just burned the locket and hair that kept one nasty ghost tied down. She hopped into her car, throwing it into drive and speeding off. Even as _Another One Bites the Dust _rocked out on her cell, she kept driving. Glancing in her rear view mirror, keeping an eye out for flashing lights she answered with an annoyed, "What?!"

"I need your help."

Those four words were enough to send her speeding off in another direction entirely.

"What's going on?"

"It's-it's pretty bad."

"Bad how, Sam? What did you do?"

"Look, I… it's hard to explain. But Dean, he, he didn't listen and I didn't stop him in time and now I just, don't know what to do. Bobby's looking into it, but I could really use your help."

"Tell me everything. Now."

"It's not that easy, Kitty. I swear. I was trying to find an answer, someway to save him. And I found this article that mentioned this rift between the living and the dead. I-I thought and everything seemed to say that it was feasible. A witch created it, during all the havoc and chaos going on during the witch hunts at Salem, in order to hide with the dead so that when everyone blew over she could come out safely. Dean's got… Dean's only got a few weeks left, Kat. I thought it was the best option we had, and-"

Kitty closed her eyes, "Please don't tell me what I think you're going to…"

"He went inside the rift."

"Idiots," she breathed softly.

"Good news is, we found the witch… bad news is… Dean's going to be out of commission."

"Why would you mess with this Sam?" she demanded. "The both of you know better!"

"Because she pulled Dean in. It was just… it was just an option. God Kat, I don't know what to do right now, I can't find any mention of how to get him out. I don't even know how the witch got out…"

"Do you have her there? The witch?"

"She's tied up at the moment, and nearly dead, but yeah she's here."

"Good, you're three quarters of the way done. Now…"

It wasn't the first time Kitty had encountered this kind of a mess. She was pretty well-known for being the one to call to fix these messes. Ghosts and witches never did get along. This witch in particular had made her plans further than the one from a few years ago, who'd only been planning on doing it. The witch in Salem had probably used all of her energy in order to create a tear where she could slip through, on occasion no doubt some unwary individuals had wound up there too. But by slipping through the witch was little more than a ghost, trapped within that pocket and unable to get out unless she fed off enough people. By the sounds of Sam's description, she had been feeding from those unwary individuals, enough to make a balanced change, her life for Dean's. She pulled him in and took herself out, keeping the stupid hoodoo mix aligned. Dean wouldn't be able to get out unless they got the witch back in. But if the witch died, then that rift would break apart. Either killing Dean or freeing him and no one really wanted to take that risk.

The witch she'd met a few years back had been planning to do this spell, to throw herself into the rift in order to avoid the hunters that were on her tail. It didn't work out too great for her, since she didn't have enough juice or balance. Instead, half of her was a ghost and unable to leave the rift. Killing her was probably a mercy. But before she burned all of her books, Kitty had taken a glance over her notes. It wasn't a spell she'd heard of before, and it stood out. It was probably a grimoire that had been passed down in her family. She burned it, along with the house.

That witch had done everything she could to get Kitty to release her, made promises for love spells and riches beyond her imagination. Getting free from the rift wasn't all that difficult, but Kitty stabbed the bitch before she burned her. She hung up with Sam and phoned Bobby, to fill him in with the information she had and together they came up with a solution. It had been a long time since Kitty pulled an all-nighter, spending it driving down the highway to Salem once she gathered the necessary ingredients.

Despite how she asked, neither Bobby nor Sam would tell why they had been looking into the rift in the first place. In the end, it wasn't even dawn when she pulled into town and handed everything over to Sam. The witch was awake, but barely functioning when they arrived. And desperately confused. It was remarkably easy to trick her into thinking that they were there for her benefit before they swapped her life for Dean's once more.

Dean was weak, and a little out of it when they got him out. Between the two of them, they managed to get to a motel and sign in, explaining Dean's loopy behavior by saying that someone at a bar had spiked it with something. Sam helped his brother onto the bed, throwing the blankets over him while Kitty got his shoes off. Dean was out cold within seconds. For a moment, Kitty was back in that motel room, watching the brake lights as they disappeared and hatred filled her. But then it was gone just as quickly, as she sat on the bed next to him.

She knew why he had done it, but the worst thing was how surprised she had been by it. The only reason Dean had abandoned her there was because she had left him first, that first time. This time around he was protecting his heart, his soul and probably his whole being. She was aware of Sam sitting down on the other bed, heaving a great sigh. Honestly, she wondered at why she had done what she could to save Dean. Months ago she had been furious and hurt. Days ago she had been more remorseful about that night a few years ago than she thought possible, before she drowned her problems in a random at a bar and a few shots of tequila. She woke up with Dean on her mind and the world's worst migraine. Also some unexplainable bruises and questionable damage to the motel room that she preferred to not think about.

"What happened to you two?" Sam asked quietly, watching them. "You still love him, Kitty. I can see that."

But no mention of how Dean felt towards her, she noticed. "I told you Sam, I screwed up. He told me he loved me and I fucked off the next morning."

"H-he what? That would… explain a lot."

"We're not going to be anything unless he wants it, and it's not like I'm going to sit around waiting for him. Now tell me, what were you doing today? What's going on?"

"Dean's dying."

And just like that, the world shifted. Sam told her everything, about the psychic kids and about John's deal and Dean's deal. For the first time, Kitty didn't know what she was supposed to do. When Dean left her in the motel, she knew exactly what she had to do. She had to ignore him, forget about him, and move on. Because Dean wasn't interested, not anymore, not like he used to be. It was a burned bridge between them and she only had herself to blame. If Dean didn't want to accept her apology, her explanation, then it was with reluctance that she admitted it was his right to do so. But she hated it. And now, Dean didn't even have a month left to live. What was she supposed to do? Maybe it was because she realized that she didn't have a lot of time left with him, if there was anything she wanted, then she had to get her peace before the end. As much as Sam was fighting to be optimistic, fighting to find the cure, the solution, Kitty didn't have the same disillusionment. Dean was going to die. But he wasn't going to go down without a fight, and Kitty would help. Because _maybe_ there was something, and that was all that mattered.

She looked back at Dean. He looked so at peace, compared to how haggard and exhausted he was the last time she had seen him. Had that been the last of her that he wanted to see, or had he been trying to make a clean break for her benefit? It would be just like him to do something so stupid, the ass. But if there was one thing Kitty was going to do, it would be to earn his forgiveness no matter what it took. She wasn't holding out hope that he would live -this was a big deal and demons were a bitch to deal with. She was accustomed to dealing with the undead. She kept her talents honed for dealing with ghosts, partly in memory father and to save others from that, but also because her mother had picked up John's lost cause. In the end it would take all three of these boys to their graves. John was dead, Sam had technically died and now Dean was going to go as well. Was it the Winchester curse?

"I don't have the cash to get another room," Sam confessed. "Haven't gone hustling in awhile, been busy…"

"I don't have enough either, but it's fine, I can take the floor or sleep in my car."

"Kitty…"

"Don't. It's fine Sam, I'm used to it remember?" she flashed him a weak grin.

"That doesn't make it okay."

She laughed, "What, you don't remember all those fights for the bed when we were kids? You know my mom used to get a room for herself so that she and John could spend some adult time together. And that left us three on our own, under Mr. Bossy's supervision," she patted Dean's leg at that. "Who got stuck with the floor more often than not?"

"We were kids," Sam protested.

"And you think much has changed since now? I think I've spent more time in my car than I've spent anywhere else -and I've only owned a car for the last four years! Dealing with rundown haunted shit all day long, I find so much that would be worth unbelievable amounts to some people but it's always haunted. Or cursed. The curses suck worse than hauntings, honestly."

Sam sighed, "I'm not going to be able to change your mind am I?"

"Nope. And besides, he won't want me here when he wakes up, I'm sure."

"But you'll still be here?"

"'Course I will," she admitted, covering a yawn. "I've got to help the two of you out first. See if he can ever forgive me, or anything."

"Kitty… thank you, so much."

"Don't worry about it."

* * *

_I have not forgotten this story ^^; I had some crazy homework _(like 77 journal entries totaling over 14,000 words)_ and have been spending my winter break recovering enough energy to be able to function without crashing on nervous energy after my school kicked me out because of a secretarial mistake_ (which thankfully was sorted out)_. Additionally, I've been busy jumping back and forth between college and university since neither are on the same page and it's a lot of _college says I need this, University says I need That_ and who do I listen to? On top of that a whopping 9 assignments due in twelve days with six classes in five days, a family wedding to deal with and a lot of drama. Overall, I've been busy, totally drained and scrounging to find something to dig up and write. _

_I'm gonna predict that this semester is going to be similarly busy, but I have a looser schedule. I'm going to try and get another chapter out during the first few weeks of school, but considering my spring break is stupid and happens sometime next month for five days and I've learned from my mistakes, I'm going to try and get my homework done ahead of time in order to get some stuff out earlier. Gah, last year was so much easier. Kind of._

_**Anyways**__, __**please let me know what you think of Kitty/Kat.**__ I'm going to do a lot more with her, since this is her time to shine. Also I couldn't tell which song was more suited for this chapter, so I settled with both of them._

_Alyssa will be back, but later on. _**If there's anything you want to see happen, please let me know. I love to know what my readers want to see happen.**

_Hope you're all still with me, less stressed and enjoying the story! _


	9. Mad World

_Okay so I apologize for this, but I always think of Kat as Kitty. I'm not sure if you guys have a preference, but I would assume you'd like me to stick with a name for her and I'll stick with whatever you guys want me to, so if I get two reviews and each mentions an opposite preferential, I'll probably keep writing as I am. I'm not sure if it's distracting or not..._

* * *

When Dean woke up, it was to a very interesting headache and confusion. The last thing he remembered was being pulled into that rift and surrounded by… cold, moving things. Something told him that for as strange and shiver-inducing as that was, that Hell was going to make it look like a walk in the park. He hadn't died. He had been there, alive, but able to feel the dead around him. Writhing together, ghostly touches to him like silken fabric pressing against him and for awhile he thought they were suffocating him. There was no… movement, no physicality there. He closed his eyes again, pressing his fingers into the mattress before sitting up. Aside from that crushing asphyxia, there had been distant voices and what felt like powders shoved down his throat before someone was… there. Another physical presence. There was no vision in the void, nothing beyond the single solid sense of existing. There was nothing to touch, nothing to taste, smell, hear or see.

He heaved a sigh of relief, looking around the motel room. The peeling wallpaper was as close to a homely feeling he knew, other than that of the worn leather seats of the Impala. He glanced over, spotting Sam crashed out on the other bed. He looked physically well, at least, he could still see his brother's steady breathing. Everything was… okay.

And did that have more to do with Sam or someone/thing entirely? He could only hope it wasn't Ruby. He got to his feet slowly, working the kinks from his shoulders. How long had he been out? He looked around, spotting his duffle, he started rooting through it for a clean set of clothes when the motel door creaked open softly. Instinct had him turning warily, reaching for the knife he carried in his duffle only to see Kat standing there, shutting the door behind her. She didn't seem to have seen him just yet.

The pre-dawn light disappeared behind the door, barely peeking through the curtains as she stretched and moved towards him. She jerked suddenly, her eyes flying to his the moment he reluctantly put his knife away. A slow smirked curved its way across her face and her eyes lit up as she checked him out.

"You always look better on your feet Winchester," she grinned.

"And you always look better on a bed," he retorted. "What are you even doing here?"

"Saving your ass."

"Saving -how do you figure that?" He pulled out his fresh clothes out from the bottom of his bag, tossing them on his bed.

"Well that depends on if you're giving me a show now or later," she teased.

"I think I'd need a few more layers to make it worthwhile."

"Oh no, the layers don't matter," she laughed softly.

From the other bed came a low groan. "Seriously guys? Get a room," Sam grumbled.

"Rise and shine Sammy," Dean called, throwing a shoe at the lump before he walked into the bathroom. He was going to have to reconsider a few things if Kat was here. And have a serious talk with Sam.

Mad World

To say it was awkward was an understatement, as the three of them sat down for breakfast three hours from Salem. Kat could practically see the tension rolling from Dean and just as apparent was Sam's guilt. No doubt during the drive here, Dean had some choice words to say. But, despite Sam's guilt he was probably feeling rather smug with himself considering that she was still here. Their waitress made her way over, and Kat bristled as she caught Dean's wandering gaze.

"Another cup of coffee?" the waitress offered, smiling brightly.

"No thanks," Kat interjected, coolly cutting across whatever Dean had been about to say.

Dean turned to her, his eyes flashing in irritation. Sam hid a grin behind his coffee cup. The waitress hesitated for a moment, looking between the three of them before quickly walking off. At least the chit had some brains in her head. Kat offered Dean a smirk in response, stabbing a fluffy piece of pancake and tearing into it.

"You know I'm dying, the least you could do is let me fool around a bit," he retorted.

"Or I could save you from getting any kind of rashes or other unpleasant things, considering you can never really know what you're getting."

"You don't have _any_ right," he growled.

"I don't have to sit here and watch you ogle her either," she snapped.

"Then you're welcome to leave, Kat. Walk on out that door."

Sam cast a glance between the two of them, uncertain. Kitty scowled at him. "No. I don't care how hard you push, Winchester, I'm not leaving. You don't get to choose whether or not you protect me -that's my choice, and I'm choosing to be here and to help you."

"I don't want your help."

"You need all the help you can get, Dean," she offered sympathetically.

Sam left the two of them alone in order to contact his -girlfriend? Friend who happened to be a girl? -Kitty wasn't sure who she was, but all she knew was that she was really important to Sam. Unfortunately, Sam's absence meant that she was alone with Dean. They had one lead from John's journal, talking about some psycho scientist who was carving people up. Tomorrow they would be dealing with all of that, but for today, there was nothing they could do but wait.

Kitty sat on the end of Sam's bed, watching Dean idly. It was so obvious that he was trying to push her away so that she would get fed up and leave. And to be honest, she was getting close to that point. But she was determined to help him. She had to try, at the very least. She owed him more than that. He was her best friend, and he had been her lover. They never dated, they were casual, but they had known each other for years long before it ever happened. She had probably broken his heart, which might as well have been an understatement, and in retaliation he had left her similar to how she left him. Which according to Sam, was around the time that he had learned of the deal. Was that what his intention was -to settle any issues between them, so that she might never come back looking for him?

He was a selfish idiot. She had every right to know if she wanted to. And she did. It would never matter how angry she was at him, how frustrated. She would always want to know, always want to be there for him. At the end of the day, she was on Dean's side. He could be the worlds biggest jackass but he was her friend. And he was a good friend. Hurt feelings didn't change that she considered the Winchesters like family. As a matter of fact she liked them more than she liked her own mother. John she had her moments of doubt with him, but neither he nor her mother would ever win parent of the year award. They had taught their children how to survive though. But everything came with a price. At least, she hadn't been stuck alone with her mother. Both the Winchesters were important to her, and it hurt that she had been so out of touch with them the last few years, but she didn't blame Dean for it either. She had her own responsibility to why that had happened, and she could have tried to keep in contact with Sam regardless.

But that didn't matter now.

"Dean…" He glanced back at her. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I don't care what you do. I'm with you."

"And I don't want you here," he growled.

"What -you gonna tell me I can't take it?" she bit back. "You know I can handle demons, Dean. I choose not to. I want to be there, I have that right."

"My opinion means nothing to you, does it?" he sneered. "I _don't want you there_."

"Dean… I don't care what you want. I have to be there."

"Why? To see me die -I hadn't realized you hated me that much."

"I don't hate you."

Silence hung between them, thick and heavy in the cold motel room. Dean set down the shirt he was in the process of folding, turning towards her.

"I don't," Kat repeated honestly. "I was mad. I haven't forgiven you because you're dying, but because I… I know I didn't handle that night the way I should have. But that doesn't mean I don't care about you. You're still my friend. My best friend -that hasn't changed. I miss having sex with you -I miss those times we used to sneak out or fake our injuries just a bit more in order to get five minutes alone for a kiss or something. You're… You mean a lot to me, Dean. Whether we're fighting or not, even if I'm angry with you, I need you here." Unexpectedly her voice broke, and for a moment Kat was so caught off-guard, she was completely frozen.

Even Dean seemed shocked by it, whether it was her near-tears or what she had just said, she couldn't tell and it fizzled in a flash of smoke when Sam opened the door. He looked appropriately chastised the second he opened the door and was met with a flurry of activity: Dean turned back away, shoving the rest of his clothes into his duffle while Kat took her phone out and started to look at it, as though they'd been doing anything other than talking.

"Bobby thinks he's found something on Bela," Sam offered.

"Where?"

And that was the end of that conversation, she realized with a pang of regret. If it had been seconds later… What would Dean have said? Would he have said anything? She couldn't tell and she was even less certain if it was relevant. It probably wouldn't change anything. But this time, when Kat got in her car to follow them, Dean didn't make a fuss about it. She could only hope that he understood what she'd been trying to say.

In the end, they were staring down a wall of dead-ends and one suicide mission. With less than twenty-four hours left, Kat went with them to help Bobby out doing whatever she could do. Dean had been avoiding her, for the most part, but he had stopped trying to push her away to a certain extent. He let her come with them, he stopped flaunting the women and as his deal came closer she watched him throw himself into every possible hope he could find. There was a palpable anxiety hovering over their heads. Today was no exception to that either, as they advanced on the small house where Lilith was.

She knew, deep down, that they wouldn't all leave the house. She hated that feeling more than anything. This pervasive sense of certainty that Dean was going to die and they couldn't stop it. Bobby helped the family out and Kat lingered behind with Sam, Ruby and Dean. As reluctant as she was to have any dealings with a demon, the Winchester's conviction was more than enough to convince her. They weren't stupid by any means.

It was with crushing despair that washed over them, that their plan would never work. Kitty was locked out of the room, no doubt one of their hair-brained schemes to try and spare her to some extent. It would be years later before she could ever accept that what Sam had done, had actually saved her life. A blinding white light shot out, and when Kat came to, she was halfway across the living room and she could see Sam cradling Dean's still body, broken sobs shaking his form. Ruby's body was splayed across the floor, eyes open and lifeless as they stared up at the ceiling.

Kat dragged herself over, dazed still from whatever that was. She gently placed a hand on Sam's shoulder and felt him jump at her touch. He didn't look at her though, blinking hard as his body start to shake. Feeling tears well in her own eyes, she wrapped her arms around Sam and angled it so that she couldn't see Dean. She didn't want to remember him… ripped to pieces. But the sounds were something that would linger, the screams and snarls that lingered somewhere in the back of her mind.

Eventually, Sam turned to her, clinging to her for comfort. The guilt… must have been overwhelming. She cried onto his shoulder as he wept for his brother, the tranquil peace and serenity of the house and neighbourhood seemed so unsuited to such grief. But this had been a battlefield, for Dean's soul, his life, and they were the sore losers. It didn't matter that Sam had physically locked her from the room; she didn't care for anything beyond the simple comfort of being with another person, of having that experience as things currently were between them.

By the time Bobby came back around, Kat had managed to move into some automatic functioning and was working on getting Sam to some point of bare functioning. At least he was compliant. Bobby took over when he arrived, but no matter their arguments, Sam wouldn't them burn his brother. And Kat didn't have the heart to try and fight him over it.

And as suddenly as Sam had appeared back into her life, was about as quickly as she slapped him within the week and walked right on back out. Vowing that the next she saw the younger Winchester, she would have a gun in hand.

It was a lie. But it didn't matter at the time.

Nothing really did. There was a hollowness in her chest that she had never felt before. There weren't words for it.


	10. I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)

1995

Kat bit her lip as her mother worked on stitching her up, her eyes glued to the ceiling as she focused on anything other than the sensation what was going on to her shoulder.

"What did I tell you?" Janine growled, ruthlessly continuing. "You know to watch your back -how many times do I have to tell you that!"

"Few more apparently," she ground out.

"You're so useless!"

Her whole body tensed, she shut her eyes, fighting to not clench her fingers and biting her lip to keep from this turning into a screaming match. She knew the Winchesters were next door and at this point a screaming match would only make things worse. She'd probably end up over there for Dean to patch up her mother's handiwork while their parents went off for a drink. John was pretty good at playing oblivious when shit was going on that he didn't want to know about.

"There," she growled. "Done."

Janine packed up the supplies, moving away. "You'd better go thank Dean -he saved your ass in there."

"Yeah, I know," Kat growled back. Her mother was pretty good at failing to notice Dean's flaws -or at least she never criticized him for them. Because Dean had been injured too, but not quite as badly.

"You've been doing hunts with me longer than he has -how is it that you're such a useless kid?" Janine shook her head disappointedly. "Get out."

Kat didn't wait to be told twice, darting out of the hotel room, fighting back her impulse to cry. It wouldn't make things any better. She dug in her pocket for some change, wandering over to the vending machine and out of her mother's way. She grabbed a pop, leaning back against the wall as she took a long drain from it. Alcohol could always be a little more soothing, but being surrounded by adults didn't make it easy to access. Dean probably had a bottle tucked away somewhere, he usually nabbed one when his father was out -physically or mentally -never really made a difference.

It wasn't very long until Janine stormed out of their motel room and walked over to the Winchesters' room. She gave an impatient rap on the door and Kat shifted so there was no way her mother could see her from where she was standing. A moment passed and then she heard the door open, and then two pairs of boots walking down the gravel parking lot to where the Impala was no doubt parked. She heard the familiar rumble of the old car as it started up, and waited until she couldn't hear it anymore before she relaxed.

She took another long, refreshing drink from her cola, blocking out the pain in her arm. Her mom was definitely not the best when it came to stitching up wounds. John wasn't a gentle soul either, but he did a much better job at it than her mother. Sam was by far the best though. Kat sighed in frustration, finishing off her sugary beverage. She was stuck with Janine for a few more years at least, but as soon as she could, she was going to go off on her own. It was better to be a legal adult when that happened, than to live off of fake IDs and to try and pass older. It wouldn't exactly be hard either, it was sort of what they were already doing -and Kat was prepared for that too. If she got sick and tired of it, she had hustled some money and tucked it away with enough fake IDs to get her thirty states away in the opposite direction. It was an eventuality that she was prepared for, to say the least.

She heard one of the motel doors creak open, someone heaved a sigh and a few shuffling steps later Dean was standing before her. His arm was in a sling and he shot her a lop-sided grin, holding a beer out to her. Kat smiled back tiredly, setting the bottle down by the vending machine before throwing her arms around him.

"You okay?" he asked a bit gruffly, shifting to rest his good arm around her back.

"When aren't I?" she retorted. With a sigh she admitted, "A bit sore, but I'm fine."

"Good."

Kat reluctantly pulled away and eyed his arm, "Are you okay?"

"This?" Dean asked with a grin, indicating his sling. "Totally fine. I've had worse."

"Who hasn't?" she teased, accepting the bottle of beer he held towards her. She twisted the cap off easily, taking a long drink from it. Her mother, unlike many hunters was very strict on alcohol. She would only have some if she was at a bar, after a successful case. Or if she was going out with John. She never kept any around, unlike John who always seemed to have a few tucked away that Dean had no problem with getting into when his dad wasn't looking.

She leaned against his good arm lightly, and felt him smile against her hair where he pressed a light kiss. Dean was the only consistent guy around her age that she spent time with and it was the same for him. Between having to make sure that Sam was looked after and out of trouble, as well as having to be on guard for their parents, it did sometimes make things tricky. Not every time they ran into each other guaranteed anything, but the rare moments when it was like this, meant a lot. And the times when Sam wasn't a problem, were arguably the best times. Granted, that first time had been more than awkward for the both of them and she had feared things between them would never be the same. But in the end they wound up with the Impala in a 'date spot' where they were able to work past it. And things just got better from there.

* * *

I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)

After a while, Sam stopped calling. Alyssa couldn't really figure out what was going on but it turned out Jo was more connected than she was and gave her the news. Dean Winchester was dead. No one really seemed to know more than that. Sam was AWOL and no one had heard from him since before the end of May and now it was the beginning of June. Jo at least kept in contact with her, so did Ellen to an extent.. They would drop by every now and then to the little bar she worked at, earning just enough to afford a motel room and enough to scrape by for meals. She looked at her phone, brushing her finger across the screen, wishing Sam would call. She'd been leaving messages since about the middle of May, when he hadn't called her like he usually did. Alyssa had been hoping for the best, but this was probably closer to a worst case scenario. Reluctantly, she decided to give him some time to himself to work out his issues. To work out his grief. It would have been nice to hear it from Sam rather than Jo or Ellen, but she knew that with the pain he was buried under it was probably better she didn't hear from him.

Three days later she woke up at 3am to her phone's chirpy ringtone. She grabbed it, fumbling to answer it, barely awake as she had hardly just fallen asleep. By the time she had it up to her ear, it had gone to voicemail. After beating in the password, Sam's voice slurred out.

"Heeeey, haven't called you in ages… probly not gonna do it 'gain either," he barked what was supposed to be a laugh, but it was so devoid of humor Alyssa wasn't even sure he meant it as a laugh. "Listen… I got your messages like… all fifty of them? And I just want you to know… That I'm okay. I've got everything under control a-and I'm gonna find a way to bring him back. So… don't worry 'bout it. And uh, I don't think I'll be calling again…" Beep.

Alyssa stared in shock at her cell phone. No. That was not the ending. Not at all. No way -Sam didn't get to just… decide that on his own. What did he mean by it anyway -would bringing Dean back cost him his life -would that be why he wouldn't phone her? What…. was he planning? More annoyed than before, and feeling the hurt ache in her chest, she dialed his number back.

He didn't answer.

She tried six more times. On the sixth try he hung up on her. She had worked herself to the point of near tears, and he wasn't going to explain more to her. So she sent him one last text. _Be safe._ And then she was out of bed, getting dressed and grabbing what very little cash she had managed to save up. She sent a call to Jo, telling her where she would be and that she might be needing a ride back from the place. She walked to the nearest bus depot and had to wait two hours before she was heading off to South Dakota. She really didn't know what else to do.

It was a very long ride, and although she went without any food, a few kind mothers had shared some of their lunches with her. Many transfers and over twelve hours later, an exhausted half-asleep Alyssa was getting off at the bus depot in Sioux Falls. She grabbed a map, looking up the direction she had to go to get to Singer's Salvage Yard. The woman at the counter directed her in the right way, and Alyssa was able to sneakily take a picture of the map with her cell phone camera before she set out. It was late evening, the sun just starting to descend towards the mountains as Alyssa walked down the streets for what seemed like forever and a day before she could even start to see that Bobby lived a lot further out than she thought. Sam had told her once, that if she ever got into trouble she could come to this man -Bobby Singer, and he would help her however he could. Well, the same applied for Sam then.

It had to be almost ten o'clock at night by the time Alyssa arrived at the wrecker's and knocked wearily on the door. An old man with graying hair tucked underneath a blue and white trucker's cap opened the door, eyeing her suspiciously.

"I'm here about Sam?" she offered uncertainly.

"Who are you?"

"His… friend," she replied weakly. "Please."

"I haven't heard from Sam in weeks," he replied gruffly, opening the door to let her in.

Relieved, Alyssa entered the building. "He just phoned me. And I-I think he might be in trouble."

"Well why don't you sit down and we'll talk? How do you know Sam anyways?" he questioned, leading her out to the small kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, offering it -Alyssa nodded gratefully and Bobby poured her a glass.

"We went to Stanford together. But more than just that, we were like best friends until demons killed Jess right? And then I was on the run," she laughed nervously, taking a sip from the glass Bobby had handed to her. "Well anyways, I learned the hard way about all this Supernatural stuff. I worked at the Roadhouse for awhile and ran into Sam again. He, uhm, left this message last night." Nervously she typed in her password, letting the sound of a drunken Sam practically breaking up with her play through the room.

Bobby listened closer, a dark frown creasing his face. "Sam tell you to come here?"

"Only if I was ever in trouble," Alyssa replied meekly.

Bobby nodded as though it was the answer he expected. Alyssa jumped when she heard the stairs above them creak as someone wandered down. A young woman wandered into the kitchen, one arm extended above her head as she stretched. She had short red hair that just grazed the back of her shoulders, but the cut itself kept her hair from getting in her face. She blinked in shock.

"Oh sorry, didn't know you had company Bobby."

She was wearing black skinny jeans with a fitted white sweater that had emerald green designs woven along the front of it. She had very fair skin and wasn't afraid of showing it off either.

"Hey Kat, this is…" he glanced at Alyssa.

"I'm Alyssa Jones," she replied, holding her hand out toward the other woman.

Kat offered her a smile, "Kat Calloway," she said, shaking her hand. "You look kind of familiar."

"I worked at the Roadhouse for a bit."

"Huh. Probably saw you around," Kat responded.

"Alyssa, would you mind sharing your message with Kat? She's a good friend to th- to Sam."

Alyssa glanced at Kat, and was surprised to see her green eyes lit with concern and surprise. "How-how do you know Sam?"

"I'm a friend of his, from Stanford, who wound up involved in all of this. Anyways he called me last night and left this message," with a soft sigh she replayed the message once more. The ache in her chest wasn't going away either.

Kat and Bobby both exchanged a knowing look, and by their grim expressions Alyssa decided she would rather stay out of it. They would find Sam and they would save him from whatever he was about to do. And that was that. Sam was insisting that he was fine and would be fine. And honestly, believing was easier right now. But other problems faced her. Such as whether Jo would be able to come and get her or not. She could probably stay with her for a bit, no doubt Ellen hot on their heels, but at the very least she would be more involved.

Hunting was not what Alyssa Jones wanted to do with the rest of her life. She wanted to work -and had long since accepted that she wouldn't be able to ignore the supernatural since it roamed around just about everywhere -she wanted to get married, and she wanted to have a family. That was it. Just a nice big family. Her dream that she could ever return home and see her parents had gone up in smoke when she 'died'. Currently she had new records and IDs courtesy of Sam and Dean, everything she would need to pass off as someone she wasn't. But she did miss her family.

"I'll leave you guys to… do whatever you have to," she told them. "I think I'd rather stay out of this though." Last time she hadn't had a choice. This time, she just… Whatever was going on with Sam, she was better off not being involved. It would be for the best.

Instead of Jo, Ellen had arrived and within minutes she was leaving, laying in the back of her van and practically passing out after she filled her in on what information she had.

* * *

Kat watched the other woman as she left. "So how are we even going to find him? If he doesn't want to be found, it isn't going to be easy Bobby."

"We'll find him. Before he does something stupid," he sighed, taking a long swig from his flask.

"I wish he could have... just walked out and never got involved in this stupid shit," Kat growled. "What's he got left? He's got you and me -and that's it. Goddammit," she exhaled, tapping her fingers against the counter. "He wasn't supposed to be sucked back down here." How she wished she hadn't screwed up things between her and Dean.

If things were different... she might have known what was going on with Sam, with everything, so much sooner. As much as Dean was angry that Sam left, Kat had been proud of him. For being able to leave. She had stayed with her mother until she was eighteen and left her within the same hour. She had endured the name calling and the botched stitches for all of her life -she still had the jagged ugly scars to prove it too. There were so many times she was just ready to leave. But, somehow, she always ended up staying with her insane mother. Janine was more than just obsessed. She had made the Hunt into her life somewhere along the way.

Sam was stuck with John and Dean, and even so, he got away from his father. It was something to be proud of, that she could respect. But it would make things tricky. Sam might not know they were coming, and by the sound of how drunk he was on that message, he might be getting sloppy enough that they could do something about it. Stop him from selling his soul. Kat was mad at Sam, for keeping her out of that room. She still believed that she could have done something -at least tried something -but Sam was adamant. Bobby had told them both to shut up several times, but Kat was so mad at Sam for it when he explained everything to Bobby. And then he said one of the few things she could forgive. She was mad at him, but Sam was like family to her. And Dean would've wanted her to look after him, to make sure that he was okay. Bobby knew it too. Kat hadn't expected him to disappear as quickly as he had, but it wasn't entirely surprising either. She sighed and turned away from the window.

"I'll start trying to track him down," she admitted, walking back out of the kitchen to find her laptop. There was an order to things in life generally. John sacrificing himself for Dean was probably one of the most shining moments of how much his sons mattered to him. He saved Dean. But then Sam died. And now it was just this ugly snake devouring itself. Sam would end up next. Most likely, if he couldn't save Dean, he would die trying. He was too far down that road already. The guilt from knowing why Dean had done it in the first place, and then being unable to save him... It wasn't his fault. John made the decision for Dean, much as Dean made his decision for Sam. Neither of them consented to the pain and agony they endured.

Kat searched online for their usual aliases. Her mom was pretty fond of using the same methods. She paused to consider which music legends Sam enjoyed, desperately hoping some hotel chain somewhere might have an idea. Unfortunately, one of them seemed to think it was some great joke and replied that Mr. Jovi wasn't interested in speaking to anyone. Kat spent the whole day with Bobby trying down every hotel and motel within a fifty mile radius of a crossroads. It wasn't until nearly three hours later that Kat realized the motel woman joking with her, might not have been. Because Bon Jovi was off in England on tour -nowhere near the States. Especially nowhere near some dumpy little town in Montana of all places.

They were on the road in under ten minutes, speeding towards the small town of Hazel, Montana and their most expensive motel. Sam was covering his tracks pretty well, granted. The alias turned out to be a little too easy by the time they got there, but a few circles around the dumpy town showed them where the Impala was parked. Sam wouldn't leave her behind. It was his last connection to his father, but more importantly, to his brother. Kat threw her car into park, jumping out of it and running inside. Bobby wasn't very far behind her either. Kat didn't waste time, sweet talking the clerk effortlessly with batting her eyelashes and flaunting her breasts a little more than necessary and he so very "accidentally" let her see the names of residents.

"Mr. Johnny Electric" was in the room at the end of the hall. A honeymoon suite, interestingly enough. Kat raced straight down to it, pounding her fist against the door.

When a woman with obvious sex hair answered the door, Kat was more than just a little stunned. Until Sam walked over, opening the door wider. Likewise, his hair was a mess and he just had that small dimpled smile. For the most part, he looked okay.

"...Kitty?"


	11. White Sparrows

1985

Katherine was confused, when they took her father away and had him buried. She also missed him. A lot. Especially since her mother kept forgetting her; she would wander off sometimes and just cry, or forget about making dinner. Some days she didn't even want to get out of bed. But Kat was also scared. Not because of her mother. Her mother was sad because daddy was gone; she understood that much. She was scared because she kept seeing this thing, just a flicker from the corner of her eye but she could never quite see it. And it had pushed her down the stairs just yesterday. She'd been lucky, her aunt had been there to catch her before she tumbled down them. And the day before that, she could have sworn that the whatever-it-was was in her room. It was really scary. But no one was listening to her.

Her father had passed away suddenly, and the police were calling it a suicide since they found a gun outside of his study and blood splatter. Kat didn't really understand what that meant, even though Auntie Caroline had tried to sit her down.

"It means… sometimes, when a person is really sad, they decide that they… want to go somewhere else. So they do the only thing they can think of, which is what your father did."

"Why'd he leave me? And Mommy? We don't want him to go."

Her aunt had gotten this funny look on her face, and that was the last time they spoke of it. Her cousins had been mean about it, saying that it was her fault her daddy had left and when she went running to her mother the woman had been inconsolable and didn't give Katherine the time of day. So Kat learned pretty quickly to fight her own battles. The next time someone said that to her, she kicked him in the balls. And then no one talked about it.

A month or two after the death, one of their friends suffered an awful accident in the house and was hospitalized. People came over less, but the police started to be around their house all the time. Kat would see them when she walked herself to school. She'd started doing that more recently, since her aunt had stopped staying with them in hopes that it might make things easier for her mother. It didn't. But Kat didn't phone Aunt Caroline back either and ask her to help out. She couldn't reach the phone, and she was sure that things would get better. Until her mom's friend was in the hospital and people were around, and Katherine was walking to school with bruises under her clothes from all the falls and pushes and sudden trips. Kat had never been that clumsy in all of her short life.

And then a few days later, there was a police car and this cool shiny black car with an older man sitting there, talking to the officer. Kat walked home a little quicker that day. By dinnertime, that same man knocked on the door and Janine answered it. Somebody had said at the funeral that Janine was functioning on fumes, sugar and just running on autopilot which she couldn't do forever. Later on, Katherine would wonder at her mother's hopelessness. She tried to never think of how different things could have been.

Her mother invited him in for dinner, leftover casseroles and pie from the funeral. Kat made the coffee like she'd been doing for the last week and a half while her mother served up dinner with watery eyes and a weak smile. The man introduced himself as John Winchester, a private investigator. It was after dinner when Janine sent Katherine to bed -it was the first time in weeks that her mother had actually said something like that. Kat was all too eager to listen and went skipping off when someone shoved her hard enough that she bashed her chin onto the floor and was bleeding all over. Janine was too shocked to do much, but John lifted her up, told her some story and stuck cleaned the cut all before Janine was even reaching for her daughter.

And then in whispered conversation, John was carrying Katherine out to the really cool car she'd seen earlier. Janine seemed to think it was fine, so Kat sat there and looked around as John drove them over to a motel. He explained to her that he had to go talk to Janine and that everything would be better when she came home, but for the meantime he wanted her to stay with his sons. Kat was okay with that, so long as her mother got back to be the woman she had been before. So that was when Katherine Calloway met the Winchesters. Seven year old Dean watching cartoons with his baby brother, under the supervision of a young teenager who was staying one room over and working for two bucks an hour. Kat sat herself down beside Dean without a care in the world.

"Hi," he said, glancing at her warily.

"Hi," she agreed. "I'm Kat."

"I'm Dean, and that's my baby brother Sammy," he said.

Katherine smiled warmly and Dean smiled back. It wasn't twenty minutes later when they were fighting over who was cooler; Fred or Daphne. By the end of the episode and the start of the next one, Kat and Dean were singing along to the theme songs. (And they never could agree on who was cooler).

White Sparrows

"Hey Sam," she said casually, looking at him.

Sam appeared to be fine, better off than she expected, actually. "What're you doing here Kitty?" he asked, glancing down the hall to see Bobby standing there.

"Well your girlfriend called." At this, the dark haired woman looked up at Sam, something akin to shock and righteousness flashing across her features. Poor girl didn't even know. "She seemed pretty worried about you."

"Girlfri- Alyssa? What-how does she even know you? Why did she phone you?"

"Oh," Kat said with practiced indifference. "So then you _don't_ remember your drunken call to her last night?"

Sam looked more than a little confused, shaking his head.

"Well I can tell you, she's not the happiest girl out there. I can't blame her either. I mean all that bogus about how fine you are, that you're gonna bring Dean back problem free and that you won't be calling her again?" Kat flashed him a cutting smile. "I would say she's hiding her hurt pretty well."

Sam blinked slowly. "How did she find you -and how did you find me?"

"Luck. What's going on Sam? You know you can't…" at this, Kat turned to the dark haired woman who was still standing there.

Awkwardly the woman raised her hands, "I guess I'm not _needed_. I'll, uh, get out of your way…" she hurried past them, down the hall, and out of the building.

Sam groaned, holding the door open for them. "I'm not doing anything Kat. Jesus. I don't know what I was thinking when I called her, but really it's not a big deal."

"So you aren't trying to make a deal?" Bobby asked, following Kat into the room.

The room was an absolute mess. More than a healthy amount of alcohol bottles lingered around the room, some teetering on edges and a great deal of clothing was strewn about. This wasn't how the Winchesters lived -no Hunter lived like this. They were always on the edge, ready to move at the barest notice.

Sam's expression darkened at that, as he slowly sat down. "No. No deals."

"The last thing you said was that you were going to bring Dean back," Kat offered gently. "Please Sam, we're just worried about you."

"There's nothing to worry about," he replied smoothly.

"If there wasn't then we wouldn't be here."

"I was drunk, I'll apologize to her."

"Will it mean anything?" Kat demanded. "Because I know I'm not the only you've been ignoring Sam."

"You aren't… You aren't _him_. You don't get to walk in and say whatever the hell you want Katherine," Sam growled.

"That doesn't mean I won't worry!"

"But there's nothing to worry about!"

"Then let me in Sam! Let me know there's nothing to worry about -you dodge Bobby's calls, and mine when I started. Probably your girlfriend's. And here I find you sleeping it up with some other woman? That's not _you_ Sam."

Sam scoffed, shaking his head. He was about to say something when Bobby cut in. "Would you idjits shut up for a few seconds?" he shook his head. "Sam, if you get in any kind of trouble, you know you can phone either of us. And Kat, you won't go stalking him. We're here for you, and now we're going."

Kat would have loved to fight with Bobby on his decision but she didn't have the energy to. And ultimately, she respected him. If not his decision. Leaving Sam to be… it didn't feel like it was the right thing. But then again, Bobby knew so much more than anyone could guess at. Two days later, Sam started phoning and checking in. About a week after that, a woman named Ellen Harvelle called at the Singers to say that Sam was doing okay and visiting Alyssa.

Things stayed that way, for about a week or two, and suddenly the calls for updates vanished. No one had seen Sam in awhile. Kat reluctantly listened to Bobby's advice, giving Sam some breathing room. Some room where he could find a new niche for himself in this world without his brother. In the meantime, Kat went back to hunting like nothing had changed. But so many things had. She didn't frequent the bars as much, instead spending her time researching. She didn't really know what she was looking for either, but she just kept on collecting what information she could find. The biggest change was that she didn't go out actively looking for a man either. She just couldn't do it.

One lazy day in July, when she was out looking for her next job Kat found herself driving through Iowa when she thought of Dean. It hit her so hard and fast, that there was no preparation for it and in seconds she had to pull over because she was crying so hard she couldn't see. Her best friend was gone. And no had heard from Sam in three weeks -and their friendship could very easily be destroyed. Any number of things could do it. Respecting Bobby's advice Kat did her best to give Sam as much space as she could give him. She didn't call him.

There were days where she woke up in the middle of the night, and the only thing on her mind was Dean. Sometimes she woke up and just cried. She pretended she didn't. By the time August came around, she was back to frequenting the bars and trying to move on with her life. Kat entertained herself by teasing the men there, taking all the free drinks they offered and winning the pool games they were betting she'd lose. And then, she would walk out the doors, awkwardly alone. It wasn't as though she left with men so frequently, but it had been a long time since she last left with anyone. A long time since she had someone she could even call a friend. Other than Dean and his brother. The last few years where she'd had no contact with them, well, she hadn't really thought much of it since she had made that mess all on her own.

And she didn't want the same thing to happen this time. She was mad at Sam, and having a tough time letting things be when she just wanted to make sure she still had a friend at the end of the day. She wanted to make sure the kid was okay. Dean had always looked after Sam, and it wasn't as though Sam was unable to look after himself, but Winchesters always wound up doing stupid things when they went off on their own. So she packed up what little she had set up and spent the night driving over to Nebraska. That was where Alyssa Jones was staying, and she was probably the last person to have any contact with Sam.

What Kat was not expecting to see, was that the place Alyssa was staying was so expensive looking. It was almost midmorning by the time Kat got to the other woman's house and gave a polite knock. Alyssa answered the door, her blondish-brown hair tied back with a few restless curls tucked out of her way. Her blue-green eyes widened in confusion and she stepped aside.

"I-is everything okay?"

"It's fine, that I know of Sam's fine," Kat informed her reassuringly. "I actually came here to see if you knew where he might be?"

Alyssa closed her eyes, sighing softly. "I have no idea. He was acting really weird when he stayed here too," she shut the door behind Kat. "I don't know how much help I can be…"

Kat smiled slightly at the woman. Alyssa had her arms folded across her chest, while exhaustion weighed heavily on her shoulders and was hinted at around her eyes. The interior of her house was a lot more modest than the outside would lead one to believe. Had Sam helped her get this place? Kat wouldn't have been surprised if Sam did have something to do with this either, everything about it was so homely and plain and normal. It was refreshing and just a little unnerving at the same time.

"Whatever you can tell me will get me a little closer to tracking him down."

Alyssa nodded, "Uh do you want a cup of coffee or anything?"

"No thanks, I probably drank like eight cups on my way here."

Alyssa blinked. "Can I get you anything to eat or drink o-or something? Driving that long can't be healthy."

"It's par for the job, but I would love a glass of water." Kat grinned a little at the other woman's shocked gaze.

"You have to have something to eat -did you even eat? How long were you driving?"

Kat laughed a little. "Enough with the interrogation Mother Theresa, seriously a glass of water is just fine." From the set of her chin, Kat could tell that Alyssa didn't really believe her but she nonetheless got the requested water. "You've spent way too much time as a waitress."

"Probably," she agreed. "It doesn't mean that I'm offering it out of duty though. You're friends with Sam. And besides that, a hunter, who from my understanding is pretty well respected. I do the same thing to Jo and Ellen when they stop by -you guys need some pampering."

Kat smiled a little into her glass before looking back at Alyssa. "I can see why Sam likes you."

"Well… we are friends," Alyssa stated awkwardly, blushing lightly.

"Aren't you dating?"

"Ah, no…"

Oh. "Why the hell not?"

"Long story, honestly. Starting with Stanford and being best friends with both him and his girlfriend."

The one who died. Yeah, that would make things complicated, Kat thought, almost regretting her question. What did the two of them do while he stayed here? she wondered. "The way he talked to you every night… I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Alyssa smiled softly, sitting down at the small kitchen table. "You wanted to know about where he went?"

"Yes. Whatever you know."

"Well he didn't say a lot. I wasn't -I don't think he slept. He was really antsy and he wouldn't talk about it. It was like he had all this energy, but nothing to do with it. He tried to help fix the place up," Alyssa smiled slightly at that, turning to gesture at the unfinished cupboards. "I think he thought that he should try, y'know? Like… he _had_ to try and stay with me or something. After everything between us. It wasn't because he really wanted to.

"It was mostly awkward. And he was angry, and apologetic, and miserable. He started calling someone, I don't know who, about three days before he left. I tried to not listen in, or he would leave the room. But I think that person had something to do with it, telling him about some hunt he could be on and so he just… left." She smiled a little wistfully at that. "He didn't sleep very well, I woke up when I heard him thrashing and-and yelling. Something about someone named Lilith." Alyssa hesitated, brushing her fingers against the table. "And he was calling for Ruby, to-to help him. He left the next day. That's all I really know."

Ruby? But Ruby was dead. Unless she had come back. What was Sam doing hanging around a demon? And Lilith… Was he trying to get himself killed? And then suddenly it all made sense. He wasn't necessarily trying to kill himself. But he was willing to go on a vengeance quest that _would_ get him killed. He was going to hunt Lilith down until one of them was dead. What else would he do with himself? Dean was gone. He had Alyssa, but compared to Dean… she wasn't enough to anchor him in any sort of reality. There was another world out there and he had to be part of it, he had to try and bring Dean back and he had to kill Lilith. Those damn Winchesters.

"Thank you, for the water and everything," Kat said absently as she got to her feet. "I think I know where I can find him."

Honestly, she had no idea.

Alyssa nodded, smiling warmly, and handed her a bag that she had tucked away in a cabinet. Inside was an assortment of filling snacks, energy drinks and a few bottles of water.

"Look, I can't -"

"Just find him, make sure he's safe. And… keep safe, okay?" Alyssa smiled. "I'll still be here. I'm not -I'm not in any immediate danger."

Numbly, Kat nodded and gave the other woman an awkward hug before she hurried out to her car. She wouldn't be able to drive for much longer without taking a break. As she drove off, she made the decision to not call Bobby. Sam needed his space. Kat needed to make sure he wasn't doing anything stupid. For one second, she thought about why she had that feeling and realized that it was kind of her own way in keeping close to Dean. In remembering him. The only thing Dean would want would be for Sam to be safe. And then she dismissed it, pressed the gas pedal and flew off down the highway. Sam could be anywhere.

* * *

_I realize some of you would be hoping for a Kat vs Ruby showdown but seeing as right now Kat doesn't know Ruby's new body, that would be really hard to work around. Also I would like your input on this:_

_Next chapter I can either include another flashback and then jump in time to when Dean's back and sees Kat, or I can do a couple of flash backs and a scene between Sam and Kat if she were to find him._

_I really like being able to incorporate what my readers want to see, I love that especially. It won't change any major plot points I have or anything, but I'll do what I can. Anyways, hope you like. And I should hopefully get another chapter out before I'm swamped with homework and whatnot._


	12. Shadow of the Day

1993

They didn't exactly celebrate the holiday seasons, either of their families. Kat had gotten used to it, that it wasn't something she should be expecting from a young age. For Dean it was a little different; John at least tried. Or he did for a while at the very least. Long enough for Sam to have an aching taste of normalcy, to look forward to Christmas for at least having some time to spend with his father. Kat missed the big affairs with family she didn't really know sitting down to eat a turkey dinner, and afterwards she got to sit under the tree with the adults watching her on as she ripped into the presents.

Janine never put another tree up again. The most Christmas-y it got was driving down the highway with the radio softly playing a Christmas song or two before it turned off. Sometimes it was those happy cartoons where they enjoyed the festivities. Kat wasn't even nine years old when she stopped watching. By the time she was almost fifteen years old, she was a little out of touch with the Winchesters before they bumped into each other again about a week before Christmas in South Dakota.

John was working what was supposed to be a simple salt and burn, but was really turning into something more complicated. John had pulled Dean out of class -something he was usually reluctant to do -and had him helping out. He'd put a call into Bobby, giving him some details of what was going on since there was no paper trail about what had happened to this house before. Janine was pretty used to dealing with situations like this and she was called in to help John out. It was debatable over whether or not he knew it, but her help was welcome in the end.

Until the part came where the poltergeist got one up on the two of them and Janine wound up in the hospital for the next month to recover. She didn't want to stay, but she did respect the doctors and nurses and so she charged John with looking after Kat until she was well enough. To say it was awkward was an understatement, with John passing off as her mother's boyfriend.

By the time Christmas was approaching, John drove them out to Bobby Singer's place and dropped them off before leaving. He said he'd be gone for just a few days, long enough to check on Janine and some quick research. Sam just shook his head, trying to hide his disappointment while Dean nodded along. Kat was just glad to be out of the car. She liked John well enough, she really did, but spending that much time in the confined space of the car was just a little unbearable.

Bobby was more than happy to see them all and look after them. That was the first Christmas in years that dinner actually resembled a real meal. Ham and potatoes with apple pie for dessert. It was so good. It wasn't a feast, by any means, but it was different and nice. Dean dove right into the pie, Sam chattered about school and Kat felt like a bit of an outsider. She didn't really spend that much time with Bobby, he was an acquaintance of her mother's, no doubt someone she had met through John, and there was a connection that both Sam and Dean shared with him. And Kat was sitting here while her mother was in the hospital. It wasn't that she missed her mother, she was glad to be away from the woman and grateful to be with Sam and Dean. But she felt like she was intruding on their home -and she knew damn well that they didn't get to do this very often.

She didn't finish her piece of pie, instead pretending to head off towards the bathroom before slipping out the back door and wandering out-of-sight to an old rusty blue car. It was mostly taken apart, the mangled seats arranged nearby. She crawled through the wreckage, finding the perfect spot. She wandered back, grabbing the seat and hauling it back over behind the pick-up truck. Judging by the condition of the seat, she was pretty sure it was going to be scrapped. There wasn't much salvageable from it -a handful of fabric and leather maybe and some stuffing. She settled down on the torn thing, wrapping her arms around her legs as she looked out across the wreckage yard. Kat felt alone and it was altogether unfamiliar and too familiar. School after school, wave after wave of people she knew nothing about and didn't care to know about and inside that building behind her were two people that she really did care about but never had any way of keeping in touch with.

"You forgot this."

Kat jumped, turning to look back at Dean too quickly and cracked her head against the side of the truck. She moaned in pain as he laughed, walking around to sit beside her, carrying her unfinished piece of pie.

"You klutz," he joked. "I don't know if you should eat this -you might choke on it."

"Oh ha-ha Dean, I'm glad you're enjoying my pain," she sneered, rubbing the back of her head. "Why didn't you just eat it anyways, isn't that your thing? You love pie."

"Does it really matter?"

"Uh yeah, just bit because I swear if you came out here to make me hit my head only to eat that in front of me, I am so going to take you down a peg or two."

Dean snorted, "Is that a challenge?"

"No. Now give me my pie." She didn't wait for him to do it either, snatching it from him before he could change his mind. Dean wasn't that courteous.

As she worked on finishing off her pie, mostly just so that Dean wouldn't get it, he moved to sit down beside her and she shuffled over. There was barely enough room on the seat, and it was so worn that the coldness from the ground was starting to seep through. It wasn't the most comfortable place either. She licked the last bit of whip cream from her lip, setting her plate and fork aside to take back in for Bobby later.

"So what, you think you think you got good enough to beat me in the last few years?" she asked, smirking at him.

"Oh pfft, you don't even stand a chance."

"Really?" she dared, smirking at him. "Prove it Winchester."

It wasn't unusual for them to practice either. And every time they saw each other since their parents had started training them, Kat had beat Dean's ass physically. He was a better shot, but she'd been literally kicking his ass for the last seven years. They hadn't seen each other since they were twelve. Kat realized with shock as they moved towards a more cleared space, that Dean was taller than her. They sparred off, watching each other warily before they moved in. He wasn't just taller, but leaner and he knew how to fake which way he was going better than he ever did before. He caught her off surprise, when she was watching his chest for his usual giveaway and he dragged her down to the ground.

But Kat was nothing if not a fighter, and even as Dean was moving to pin her, she was moving her body to counter it. Her first attempt was met with a surprising resistance as she realized that he had become more muscular during their time apart.

"If you wanted to feel me up, there are better ways," he laughed.

"In your dreams," she grunted, blushing as she threw him off of her.

Dean laughed, shifting easily on the balls of his feet. "Aw look at you Kitty, all dusty and defeated."

"In your dreams!" she growled, launching herself at him good-naturedly.

They tussled for a good ten minutes, and in the first five she wound up sitting on Dean but in the next five she found herself pinned under him again. This time it was different than it had ever been as she stared into his eyes -_had they always been that green_? She could feel his breath, and the way his body felt against hers. With a jolt she realized that he was looking at her the same way she was looking at him, and he shifted slightly, almost closer to her but that wasn't -

Slowly she shifted, leaning up towards him, as curious as she had ever been when she felt his lips meld to hers. Nervously she pulled away, staring at him in surprise and seeing it mirrored back in his gorgeous eyes. It was a moment of silence, full of energy and apprehension, and the very air seemed to be settling over them like static when that cocky grin of his made its way onto his face.

"Feeling better?"

"You-you asshole!" she growled, pushing back against him.

"You know you can't win," he taunted.

"Watch me." And then she kissed him.

It was as though a switch had gone off. The hesitancy and curiosity that had been there seconds ago was gone and replaced with something akin to urgency. Chaste kisses quickly turned to hot, open-mouthed kisses and roaming hands that were so eager to learn more of the other's body that it was impossible to deny. It didn't feel as cold outside as it was, with Dean right over her as she worked her hands under his shirt. Kat marveled as she felt him shudder under her cool touch, ghosting along his back to feel the firm muscles there. She could feel his hands gliding up her sides even as his tongue brushed against her lip.

"Ew, guys. Um Bobby wants to see you," Sam all but yelled from the other side of the truck, his hand firmly planted over his eyes.

2001

Kat was enjoying spending time by herself, tossing back a few drinks as she worked the pool table with poor and clumsy hits. The men who were playing with her all wore identical cocky grins, thinking that she was going to blow all of her money pretty quickly. A few of them kept giving her lessons and correcting her stance -it was actually hard to keep her position incorrect as she prodded the cue ball right into the eight ball, sinking it and losing the game once again. She took a break to back up to the bar and grab another beer, pouting all the way and mourning her intentional loss.

She was sitting down at the counter, sipping on her beer. It was the fourth of July and this bar wasn't quite packed, but it was busy enough. Most people were out with their families, watching the fireworks and preparing dinner. Kat liked spending her fourth of Julys in the bars, making a fortune in hustling the idiots she played with. She played up the clueless girl act, tossing in some booze to truly appear to be the worst pool player anyone had ever seen. Or close to it, at least. Sometimes people caught on to her act, because to be such a bad player required a certain degree of skill. She never dropped the cue ball off the table, for example, whereas many inexperienced player would do it. Giving money to the owner for those costly shots didn't guarantee that she'd win it back.

The bell sounded as another customer walked in. Kat took her beer over to the table, watching the guys as they worked the table. They were average, decent enough, but she had been doing this since Dean had first taught her how to play. She smiled a bit, it would be great to try and hustle him at a game. They didn't usually spend their time together in bars, let alone playing pool, when they ran into each other or met up. It was easier to keep track of him, considering they both had phones of their own. And their own vehicles. She hadn't seen Janine or John in a few years, and was actually quite glad for it. Living on her own was working out great. Even if some of the cases were a bitch, she did just fine on her own.

They dragged out their game long enough that Kat was drinking a fresh bottle of beer. She was getting close to her limit, so most of it was pretend with some exaggeration. She would need to get the hell out of here pretty soon, once she wiped the table with them. Happily she went over to them, dropping the last of her cash and challenging them to a match. And they all accepted, even going so far as to let her break while they hid their snickers. Kat flashed them a winning, charming smile, and sent the cue ball straight to the center cluster, scattering the balls and pocketing a solid. Silence suddenly fell around the table as she took her next shot, pocketing one after the other until it was only the eight ball and she missed the pocket she was aiming for. By the time it was back to her, there were only four balls left and she took down the eight ball on her second shot.

"Hey babe, I think you've had enough," husked a very familiar voice in her ear as his arms wrapped around her waist. "One lucky round is enough for you."

"Oh but hunny," she whined, leaning back against him as she pouted up at Dean Winchester.

"We have to get home now," he said firmly, looking over at the angry pool players. "She is such a horrible player, and then she gets these streaks of luck guys. What can I say?"

"Get the hell out of here," growled one of them, grabbing the money that had been placed down. "She don't play fair, she don't get no money."

"What?!" she shouted, glaring at him. "I earned that!"

"Screw you, ya little bitch," he snarled. "You played us -you don't get anything."

"She's just lucky," Dean said, his stance moving into one that was ready if anyone started swinging.

Kat performed a well-timed and not all intended stagger, bumping into Dean and having him support her as she gazed "drunkenly" up at him. He wasn't the most smooth guy around, but with a few threats and gruff demands of talking to the bar owner, he managed to get the money Kat had bet back for her. And then he paid his money off, grabbed her by her arm and hauled her out of the building without waiting for her to say anything.

"Hey," she tried to protest, frowning, her lips pursed.

"I thought you were in Texas," Dean murmured, kissing her cheek softly.

"California was just screaming that she's the place to be," Kat slurred, leaning against him comfortably.

Dean sighed softly, "You're pissed."

"No I'm not. I know my limit," she growled softly, nuzzling him. She could feel his arms wrap around her body, holding her to him.

"You're still drunk."

"What do you care Dean?" she murmured, slipping her hand under his shirt. "It's not like… like I'm different when I'm drunk."

She felt him chuckle more than she heard him. "You get all cuddly and lovey, then you say things that you won't remember. And you just-"

Kat kissed him. She wasn't concerned with what he had to say. He kissed her back indulgently, and she pressed more firmly against him, smirking when she felt him half fall against the Impala, the soft slap of his hot hands against the cool metal. She wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss hungrily as she tickled the fine hairs on the back of his neck. With a low groan Dean pulled away from her, his lips against her temple.

"Where are you staying at Kitty?" he murmured, rubbing her ass.

"Mmm nowhere," she slurred contently, resting against him.

"I've got a better idea…"

Kat hummed her agreement, nuzzling him affectionately. She didn't really care what he was saying. He smelled so good, like leather and gun powder -it was so familiar and so _Dean_. She had missed him more than she had thought she would. He helped her get into the passenger seat of the Impala and they were off down the road. Unfortunately for Dean, Kat had misjudged the amount of alcohol she had indulged in, getting a little ahead of herself in her confidence to win the pool game. By the time they pulled up to the motel, Kat was sound asleep, her fingers curled around his leather jacket and a tiny smile on her face. It wasn't the first time. Dean shook his head, getting out and carefully lifting her out from the Impala. For a minute he contemplated hitting her head on the side of the door "accidentally" and only enough to wake her up before he decided that he didn't really care. Above them, the first firework cracked through the night sky and exploded in a brilliant shimmer of white-gold.

Shadow of the Day

It was beginning to feel like more than a coincidence when Kat was driving through Michigan, having just finished off one hell of a ghost. She'd broken another of her fingers, which was making driving a real pain in the ass. Not only had she broken two of her left fingers, but there was an untold amount of bruising along her back from where she had been thrown against a table by the pesky thing. There were a lot of hauntings recently, so it felt that had taken her from Wisconsin to Georgia and now back up to Michigan before cutting back through to Missouri. But ghosts didn't wait for anyone and the sooner she could interfere in whatever the hell was going on, the more people would be leaving houses alive. She didn't want another family ending up like hers.

She was going to cut through Indiana and Kentucky in order to reach Missouri and she was halfway through with her plan when she spotted an eerily familiar car. A cursory glance at the license plate was enough to have her abruptly pulling off the highway and into the gravel driveway. What was Sam doing in Kentucky? Probably working on another case. She hadn't spent much time thinking of him or what Alyssa had said, but she had checked with Ellen and some other hunter acquaintances to see if anyone had heard from Sam recently. No one had. It was nearing the end of August now, the temperature drooping as the rain storms started to move in -and she was proven right as it started to drizzle down.

Kat got out, grabbing her bag as she hurried inside and locking her car without looking back. She was about to give her name and information when she realized that if she did that, she would have to essentially try and stake Sam out but there was another way that she could try and find him. Having spent so much time on the road, she was not the best looking woman in the world and besides that good looks weren't exactly beneficial when dealing with a female clerk. But there were delicious lies that could get her exactly what she wanted. Kat dropped her bags at the front of the counter, leaning over, she checked the hallways to see if anyone was around.

"Can I help you?" drawled the woman, glancing at her uninterestedly.

"I'm looking for my husband," Kat growled softly. "The cheating son-of-a-bitch took off without a word of explanation, and his secretary came around callin' and she 'fessed up that they'd been fucking. Now he won't stay still long enough to sign the divorce papers and I've got a baby on the way! Now I was drivin' by following his credit card trail and I saw his car parked out front… can ya help me out?"

"I'm not supposed to give out that information," she replied, obviously torn as she looked at Kat sympathetically.

"Please. I don't know what I'll do if he don't sign those papers. I'm tryin' here, and there ain't no way I'd hurt this precious thing," she rubbed her stomach. "He's a lawyer, see? I need some help bad and I swear I won't let him do nothin' to you."

The woman looked so sympathetic and understanding. "Which car was his?"

"That big black one out there," Kat said, shuffling over to point. "Stands out a bit don't it?"

"Oh yes ma'am." She looked through her records, which Kat was grateful for because otherwise the younger woman would have seen her cringe. "Ah, John Sambora?"

"That's him!" Of course Sam would use that kind of an alias. He was such a Bon Jovi fan.

The younger woman paused. "I.. I think I saw a woman go in with him," she glanced at Kat, obviously worried as she slid a key over.

It wasn't entirely fake when anger flashed across her face and she nodded, snatching the key up and storming down to the room. She only hoped that whoever she found in there was a decent human being.

The hopes she had hardly let foster suddenly flickered to death when a familiar looking dark haired woman answered the door, her hair messy and her clothes rumpled.

"Can I help you?" she asked arrogantly, adjusting her stance surprisingly familiarly.

"I'm looking for Sam," Kat deadpanned. "Seen him around?"

"He's out at the moment."

"Well I'll just wait for him, then, if you don't mind." She said it to be polite, but there was no politeness behind her firm words as she took a step towards the shorter woman. Kat was a few inches taller than her, and a fair bit more muscular than this scrawny thing.

"Actually I do," she growled, blocking Kat.

She was a lot stronger than she looked. "I'm practically his sister," Kat hissed. "He'd want to see me."

"I don't think so. He hasn't called anyone -no one's called him. And he said he's an orphan now, no family, no ties. So nice try _sweetie_, but next time you come looking for your boyfriend-replacement -this one's taken."

"Excuse me?!"

"What? Do I need to repeat it? Sam told me who you are. You keep following after him, trying to cling onto some memory of Dean or something but he's gone and Sam isn't going to be yours."

"How do you know who-? Ew, I so don't want Sam in that way -who the hell are you?"

"_I'm_ his girlfriend. I thought I made that pretty clear. So get the hell out of here, because I'm pretty sure that if you cared about him beyond his dead brother you would've called before and Sam might have answered. He doesn't want any ties from his old life -so fuck off already."

"How about you fuck off?" Kat growled. "You're just a booty call if you think you can get away with this -Sam's not interested in someone like you-"

The slap across her face sent her reeling. The shock of it was one thing, but the realization that she was staring into a pair of coal black eyes was another entirely. Kat didn't have enough time to react before there was a boot in her gut and the demon hauled her into Sam's room. Too late Kat realized that perhaps this wasn't Sam's room at all, with the unusual disorganization and maps that lined the room. She tried to fight back, but she was used to being the fast and light runner with stamina that never ran out. Her best chance at a physical fight was her endurance and skill at evading capture. It was a little late for that though, as the demon proceeded to kick the shit out of her.

From what little she could keep track of, it seemed that this demon had been aware that she was the one who managed to get Sam to go back to Alyssa. Also that she had been doing what she could to keep an eye on Sam and his whereabouts. Which was making this bitch's plans a lot harder to follow through with apparently. Kat smiled dazedly, blood running down the corner of her mouth. If she had inconvenienced this demonic spawn so much, it was completely worth it. She was vaguely aware of being dragged around, hardly able to catch her breath as each intake and exhale was agonizing. Her eyes were open but vision was fading quickly and she tried to blink it away, only to have the darkness slump over her eyes. The last thing she could remember was something hard and heavy being thrown on top of her and a sadistic laugh that echoed in her ears.


	13. Just Breathe

2002

They met up for coffee as planned at the little café in New Orleans. Kat flashed him a winning smile when he walked through the door, stirring the extra sugar into her espresso. She needed all the energy she could get -it was just one of those days. Dean slid into the booth opposite her, leaning across to kiss her cheek tenderly.

"You finally got away from him, huh?" Kat teased.

Dean grinned, "Yeah he let me do this one on my own. Got a call down in Washington, I guess. Still avoiding your mother I hear?"

Kat groaned. "She phoned him?"

"Again, yeah."

"What'd she want?"

"To know how you were doing. Where you were. The usual."

"What'd John say?"

"That you were fine and no he didn't know where you were."

"He didn't ask you?"

"I just told him you were fine."

"So… he doesn't know?"

Dean shrugged. "I don't care if he does."

Kat smiled adoringly, giving him a quick peck. "Well I've missed you."

The waiter dropped by to get their orders, looking a little disappointed when he saw Dean sitting there. Dean ordered a black coffee, a cheeseburger and some fries and Kat reassured the waiter that she was still quite happy with her espresso.

"What, making plans in case I didn't show?" Dean joked, watching the waiter walk away.

"Maybe," Kat joked. At Dean's look she innocently added, "Babe, he isn't half as interesting as you."

"And espresso?"

"Today's one of those days."

Dean leaned over, kissing her. Kat was quite happy to kiss him back. Unaware that the waiter had been eyeing her up whereas Dean was not so oblivious. They pulled away, a little breathless and uncaring of anyone who was around them. Kat listened to Dean tell her about his solo hunt and how he had managed to impress his father for once with some fast thinking. Of course it was short lived when it turned out there was the monster had a back-up with him. Kat laughed along with Dean and the waiter dropped off their meal without a second glance at either of them.

Dean was about to take a bite from his burger when his cell phone rang out. Kat took the opportunity as soon as it presented itself to her. In an attempt to hear his caller, Dean turned away and Kat reached over, taking his burger and helping herself to a nice bite. It wasn't that she wasn't hungry; she was. But stealing food from Dean had to be the best game there was to play. He hung up, turning back towards her and Kat innocently nibbled on a fry.

Dean took one glance at his burger and shot her a dirty look. "Can't you order your own food?"

Kat pretended to consider as she reached over and stole another fry. "Nah. Yours tastes better."

"It's the same food."

"No," Kat corrected, smirking. "It's _your_ food."

Just Breathe

(March 2009)

Alyssa's in the middle of a regular day sometime in March when everything changes.

Again.

In a matter of seconds she's gone, out the back and shirking her clothes into the nearest dumpster before hopping into her recently overhauled car and speeding all the way out of Minnesota, a pair of looming black eyes haunting her in the rear view mirror. She does her best to be kept in the hunter's loop, but tries to keep herself relatively scarce for the most part.

It's obvious something is going on, but it isn't something she can pinpoint. Recently demons had been crawling around everywhere and she was starting to feel like a hunted rabbit chased from one den to the next. Ellen had called in a few favors to get her this car, and maybe it was just her paranoia, but Alyssa was starting to think _they_ were beginning to recognize it. It was a plain old white car; it blended in everywhere and nearly so often that when she went grocery shopping she usually had to wander around the parking lot a good ten minutes before figuring out which car was hers. On top of it, she was making it a habit to change her license plate in every state she passed through to try and reduce her chances of being noticed.

Something big was going on, that was for sure. She wondered how Sam was doing, where he was and if he was somehow involved with whatever was going on. Because if he was in trouble, then it definitely meant that Alyssa was in trouble. Or at least that seemed to be a quickly forming pattern. It never meant anything good either. She spent the next several days driving, spending the warmer nights tucked in safely within her car.

Last time she had spoken to Ellen, she and Jo were back together and covering some of the possessions that seemed to be going on continually. Alyssa was grateful to phone and let her know that there was another one back in Minnesota. As she pulled into a small town in Wyoming nearly a week later, the hairs on the back of her neck started to rise. She changed her mind and decided that it was a better idea to simply keep driving. So she did.

She was barely outside of the town outskirts, headed to the nearest rest stop for a much needed break, when there a soft fluttering sound. From the corner of her eye she spot movement and glanced over, screaming and slamming on the breaks when she realized there was a man sitting in her passenger seat. The force of her sudden stop drove her chest into the steering wheel -enough force to bruise but not enough to do any other damage. The man sitting beside her however… she pulled back with a grunt, expecting to see that he had been thrown from the vehicle but he was still sitting there undisturbed.

"I apologize for startling you," he said, tilting his head to the side. His words were oddly formal. "You are Alyssa Jones, yes?"

Alyssa could only stare at the stranger, unsure of what answer to give. "Depends," she finally hedged, undoing her seatbelt. If the force of gravity couldn't do anything to him, she doubted she would have a better chance. Running wasn't much of an option, but it was better than driving with this guy.

"You are the only one who can save him."

"Save who?"

"He needs you."

"Look, I don't care who needs me! I don't care who I can save. I don't know you -and I sure as hell don't trust you. Now get out of my car!" she hit her seatbelt, ready to flee when he calmly opened his door and stepped out. She could only stare in shock.

"You need to come with me."

"Excuse me?"

"There is no time if you are to save him."

"Save who?!"

"Sam."

Sam? That didn't make any sense. He was certainly better off on his own than anything else. "Who are you?" she demanded instead. Suddenly, she regretted having denied Ellen's offer of putting a secure weapons stash in the vehicle. If she had a gun… it was unlikely to have made a difference, but she might have felt a little safer. Until of course it didn't work and then she would probably be more panicked than she already was.

"Who are you?" she repeated dimly, staring at him.

"I am Castiel, Angel of the Lord."

She couldn't help the laugh that bubbled from her lips as she stared at the man in a trench coat with his neat and tidy hair. He didn't look like any angel. "What kind of a joke is this?"

"It is not a joke," he repeated sternly, frowning at her.

Alyssa stared at him in shock before getting out of her car and walking around to stand a little closer to him. It was a good thing this was late at night and this highway was practically deserted or there would have been several accidents already.

"You're a real angel?" she inquired, looking at him curiously.

"Yes."

He looked so plain…

"Is this… a host?" she asked, gesturing at him vaguely.

"A vessel, yes." He was watching her curiously, his deep blue eyes seeming to pierce her very soul.

Alyssa had a million and one questions to ask, one in particular that started with why. It was probably something everyone had wondered at some point, to some extent. But she didn't ask it. "Sam needs me?"

Castiel paused, a smile edging onto his face. "You believe," he murmured, intrigued.

Alyssa blushed. "What's going on?"

Castiel didn't waste time, instead simply reaching over and placing his fingers on her forehead. It was a peculiar sensation, with no beginning and no end. The next time Alyssa opened her eyes, she was standing in front of a motel in the middle of Castiel-knows-where. She staggered with the sudden shift, trying to regain her balance from the sudden shift. She stumbled inside, seeking shelter from the drizzle that was slowly soaking through her clothes.

She didn't talk about it much, or really share that she had a religious background. She had stopped believing a long time ago, around the time that Jess had died. But really, it did make sense considering that demons existed. Curious, she made her way down the hall. She hadn't seen the Impala outside. What had that angel meant about being the only one who could save him? Was Sam okay -was he even here?

She stopped, realizing there was no way for her to know if Sam was here when one of the doors swung open. Alyssa watched as a short woman made her way out, laughing softly at something someone else said. The next second there was a taller man at the doorway, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her neck. It felt like a ton of bricks had been dropped on, one of those hilarious moments from a child's cartoon that wasn't such a great feeling, when she realized. It was _Sam_. The shorter woman pulled back with another laugh, touching his face tenderly before turning and walking down the hall. Briefly, they made eye contact, she and the other woman, and Alyssa was rewarded with a sneer as the woman kept on down the hall.

She looked at the door, where Sam was standing, his eyes wide with surprise as he stared at her. "A-Alyssa."

It wasn't as though they were dating or anything, she reminded herself stubbornly. They were just… friends. A part of her felt like falling apart and crying at the stupid luck of the world -that the man she was -that the man she adored was always with someone else and never her. _Always the bridesmaid, never the bride_.

She offered a fleeting, strained smile in response. "So, who was that?"

"She's… no one. Look, what are you even doing here? How'd you find me?"

"Well certainly not by looking!" Alyssa snapped, harsher than she intended. She had to stop and swallow back whatever pained responses she had. She threw her arms around him instead. Thank god he was okay.

"Aly…"

She pulled back quickly. "You're okay right?" she asked, casting a concerned look up into his eyes. He looked okay.

"I'm okay," he said softly, smiling almost uncomfortably. "How did you find me here, anyways?"

"Coincidence," she replied before she could stop herself.

Sam paused, "Do you… want to come in for a bit?"

Alyssa nodded and he led her inside. She wasn't quite prepared for the mess of the room and belatedly realized that the bed was in more of a mess than just that of a person sleeping. Pointedly, she looked away and sat down on the chair closest to the door.

"How've you been?"

"Worried," she told him honestly. "I thought… something might have happened to you."

A scowl flashed across Sam's face and was so shortly there that Alyssa wondered whether she had imagined it or not. "Well you were the one who called Kat on me, aren't you?"

"Wha-what? I -I was just worried."

"You're the only one who could have called them," Sam persisted, sitting down in the other armchair, facing her. There was a hardness in his eyes that she wasn't accustomed to seeing, and it was a little bit scary when he was looking at her this way. As though… as though they were strangers. "Well thanks for that, because Katherine tailed me all over the country for the rest of the summer."

"I was worried!" Alyssa protested numbly. "I didn't want you to-to die doing something stupid!"

"Something stupid like bringing my brother back?!" Sam shouted.

Alyssa fell silent, drawing back against her chair. She had never seen Sam like this before.

"Which I couldn't do by the way, but Kat got in her head that it was her responsibility or something -as though _she_ owed any_thing_ to Dean! He never wanted her with us, that day, but I thought she was good back up." Sam shook his head. "She got careless, Alyssa. She was following me for weeks, and I went out on this hunt and… it got her before I did."

"What?" she gasped, staring at him as he turned away from her. "What do you mean Sam? I didn't send Kat to hunt you or anything -I was worried after that message. So worried, for you." Hesitantly she reached towards him.

"Kat's dead because of you," he growled.

She felt as though she had been slapped. "It was… her choice," she replied numbly.

"If you hadn't told her anything she wouldn't have been following me!"

"Sam," she pleaded softly, gazing at him pleadingly.

It wasn't her fault. It didn't make her feel any better that the kind woman she had met over the summer was dead, but it wasn't her fault. She had only shared her concerns. If Kat had been concerned enough to continue following Sam, then that was Kat's choice. And it was a red flag that something was wrong with Sam. But there were so many things that were screaming that something was wrong with him, from the way he avoided talking about the woman, the way he seemed so on edge… the way he had yelled at her.

"I'm sorry, okay?" she whispered, taking a deep breath, reaching towards him. "I didn't know. I was scared, Sam. You took off, you left that really strange message. If I had known…"

Sam pulled away from her entirely, the tenseness washing from his body. "Dean doesn't know. And you can't tell him."

Alyssa looked at Sam in alarm. "What?"

"Dean; he doesn't know about Kat. You can't tell him."

"What do you mean -Sam, he's _dead_."

"No. He came back."

"B-but… how?"

"Angels," he sighed, turning back towards her and sagging into his chair. He smiled apologetically at her. "I'm sorry Alyssa, everything's so screwed up right now…"

"It-it's okay…" she agreed tentatively, watching him closely.

"Dean came back in September. We've been kind of keeping it low. But thing's have been crazy. I'm sorry for… I'm sorry," he murmured, leaning forward. "Kat was like a sister to me. I-I don't know if you knew that and sometimes… Sometimes Dean calls her and he thinks I don't know, but I do, and he can't get a hold of her and…" Sam sighed heavily.

"Crazy how?" she whispered, staring at him.

So Sam told her everything. And Alyssa wished he hadn't. What had Castiel wanted her to do? Save Sam? Save him from what, exactly? Hell? He was a little busy with saving the world, or trying to. Alyssa did the only thing she could think of, with a lot of hesitancy, wrapping her arms around him. She had missed him. Even if he… He was still her friend. And she had no doubt that she would hear more about Kat, later. Hopefully, later. She didn't even know what to do with those feelings or anything. So for now, she wasn't going to worry about them.

* * *

_Happy Valentine's Day everyone, hope it's been good for you. :) _


	14. Whataya Want From Me?

Dean walked into the small cafe, wondering what was going on with Sam and his persistent need to be alone lately. The smell of freshly brewing coffee was certainly welcoming enough. He got in line and glanced through the menu, ordering a plain black coffee when the background noise slowly caught up to him with one familiar name. Katherine Calloway. He handed the change off to the cashier, turning to look back at the small tv where they had a picture of her posted up and a police number flashing along the bottom of it.

Dean watched the repeated information pass by, an old photo of Kitty with the caption requesting the public's health in any information regarding her suspicious death. There were no suspects or anything. Apparently she had been beaten up pretty badly and someone had thrown her into the trunk of a car before driving out and ditching her body. The car was found a few days later, clean of fingerprints and reported stolen two weeks before then. It was hard enough to stay standing as the news feed finished it's broadcast. Kat was… dead?

Had Sam known? Did it matter at this point? No, no it didn't.

Within a few steps Dean was at the nearest computer, typing out Katherine Calloway and finding where she had been buried. Kentucky. A weak smile tugged at his lips; she was buried in the shadow of a church. Literally. She was probably rolling in her grave.

What the hell had happened? Kat worked with hauntings, not possessions. She never got into enough trouble in a bar and could handle herself just fine. The only way someone could've got the jump on her was if they caught her off guard or were just that much stronger than her. But even in that case, she was smart enough to try and run for her life especially if the situation looked that grim. She was stubborn, but even she knew when she was outmatched and to back off. There were so many things they had been taught together. Dean had died, sure, but that wasn't from someone actually killing him. Or beating him to death. Although with Alistair it had been close...

"_Police have just gotten a report in confirming that the motel manager at Shake n' Shimmy remembers seeing the young woman come in sometime in August asking after a customer and that there was something of a commotion going on. When the manager, Ms. Kealy, went to investigate the noise she could only find a ruffled bed and an abandoned room. Police are going through security footage now. Please, if anyone has any information on the death of Miss Calloway call this number_..."

Reeling in shock Dean grabbed his coat and walked back out to his baby, turning the key he sped out of the parking lot and down the highway towards Kentucky. The Apocalypse and their damn angels could wait five fucking hours. He _needed_ to know. Sam had to have known. There was no way that Janine or Bobby or even Ellen wouldn't have called him to tell him.

Did he think that Dean needed protection or something? Goddammit. Kat, what the hell happened? The use of a car negated it being anything other than demons or some stupid humans. She was beaten to death. What if… no. He refused to let his mind wander to _that_ particular possibility. Just because he was rotting in hell and torturing other bastards… No. He pressed down a little harder on the gas, eyes staring down the highway. He was going to get answers that Sam had probably never even bothered to get.

Had Bobby and the others just assumed Sam would have told him or were they all supportive of that decision? He might not have always been Kat's biggest fan, but she was still his best friend and a little more than that. Kat was supposed to have been living up here, having a blast as usual and screwing around with some guys in the back of a bar. She was supposed to see Janine once more, to shove every piece of garbage that she was carrying with her right down the hag's mouth. Janine was supposed to smarten up and accept Kat as the amazing individual she was, and not some shadow of a star pupil. Kat was a damn good hunter, always had been but for some reason it was just never quite good enough for Janine Calloway.

Kitty was supposed to be alive long enough to say "I love you, and I'm sorry."

Whataya Want From Me?

Alyssa sat curled up in the chair for the whole night, wearing one of Sam's shirts and unable to sleep. She could hear his deep, even breathing and knew that he was soundly asleep. Unlike him, she could not put her fears aside quite so easily. _What was going on with him in the first place?_ she mused. The soft flutter of wings, the barest of shadows flickering across the dark room illuminated by just a crack of moonlight alerted her to his presence but she still jumped when she saw him standing in front of her. She glanced back over her shoulder to see if Sam had woken up, knowing how hunters were sensitive to the slightest changes in their atmosphere.

"He won't wake up," Castiel told her soothingly. "You don't have to worry."

"What's wrong with him?" she pressed, turning towards him. "Sam isn't… Sam's never been like this before."

"He is sick, tainted, by a demon."

"W-what do you mean? He's not possessed…"

"There are other ways in which someone can be affected. You should not worry about how he is sick. Just know that he is, and be there for him."

"What am I supposed to do, follow him across the country?"

"Yes."

Alyssa blinked in surprise. "I don't have a possible way to follow him at the moment."

"Make sure he takes you with him."

"And if he won't?" she countered. "I'm only his friend -I'm not someone invaluable to him, like Dean or Jess."

"Dean will be glad to have you along as well, for Sam's benefit."

"What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing you need to worry about. Now, sleep. It will be a busy year for you."

"What do you-?" Alyssa didn't have time to finish her question before Castiel had crossed the distance between them, placing his fingers on her forehead.

When Alyssa woke up in the morning, it was to the sound of the door slowly easing shut behind one Sam Winchester. Sleepily, and without thinking she called his name, watching the door bleary-eyed. It slowly opened and Sam stepped back in, his duffle slung over his shoulder and looking like he was about to leave for a war mission. That hardness was back in his gaze as he looked at her.

"I want to go with you," she pressed, sitting up slowly.

"No, it's too dangerous for you," Sam countered.

"Too dangerous?" she repeated numbly. "Too dangerous -Sam where the hell is there no danger?! The seals are breaking right -we're all in great danger no matter where we are." Especially if… she didn't want to finish that thought.

"Yes. But it's more dangerous with us, with me," he tried to soothe her.

"I don't care."

"Well I do."

"I want to go with you."

"You can't," a frown crossed his features. "Alyssa it's way too dangerous, you don't even know how to defend yourself or anything. You'd just slow us down."

"I learned!" she argued vehemently. "Ellen and Jo both taught me -"

"Oh Jo, teaching you? That's just great. One rookie teaching another," he scoffed.

"You doubt that Ellen could teach either of us something?"

"Ellen's more of a scary mom that a monster hunter. I don't think she could have taught you anything practical."

"At least give me a chance Sam," she pleaded. "I can't know about this whole fiasco and do nothing. It's not like you can't use the help, and it's a little much to have the whole fate of the world resting on your shoulders alone."

"Why does it matter so much? You never cared about any of this before."

"I learned it all as life skills, but that doesn't mean I didn't care. I may not be hunter material, but I do have experience and training behind me Sam. I can still help. Isn't that what this is all about at the end of the day anyways?"

"This is a bit bigger than all of this. No, Alyssa. You can't help. Dean… Dean can't even handle what's going on! It's bad enough I have to carry him, but I'm not going to be carrying your deadweight around either."

Alyssa stared in shock, pulling back closer to her chair. Was she supposed to save Sam from his self or from his stupidity?

"Dean… went to Hell. He came back different. He can't do this, Aly. I'm the only one who can do this and this? This is just too big to let it all go."

Numbly, she watched as he walked out of the motel room and left her behind. She was still sitting on the chair, wearing his shirt while her clothes were hanging in the bathroom to dry. Had losing Dean really changed Sam this much? How could she even save him when he didn't know and didn't care about who he was? Or who he had been.

She had just finished changing into her clothes, folding Sam's shirt up and setting it on the bed when the motel door opened again and Sam wandered in, looking quite confused. He glanced at her, and then to his shirt before sitting down on the arm chair she had previously been sitting on.

"Dean's… not answering his phone."

"You don't have the car?"

"I stole one, dropped it off five miles from here. Dean was supposed to be here by now -he, uh, had to go back and see his doctor for something."

"Doctor?"

"He got his ass kicked by a demon." Sam frowned. "We agreed to meet here, there's pissed off ghost in the city by the sounds of things."

"Maybe he got some bad news?"

Sam sat bolt upright. "Oh shit," he breathed out. "He knows."

"Knows…?"

Sam grabbed the remote, turning the volume on the television up. Alyssa recognized the picture of the woman there, a younger version of the Kat that she had met over the summer. The police were asking for information regarding her death considering that they had just gotten a big tip from a motel owner in Kentucky who said that he had seen her that morning going to see a friend but the owner was a little sketchy on the details and the police didn't offer much clarity.

"It's the only explanation for why he's not here, unless Cas whisked him away somewhere but I doubt that's it. He's trying to find answers…"

"Are there any?"

Sam shook his head, staring forlornly at the tv. "I have no idea… He's gonna be pissed."

"Tell him the truth," she urged. "It can't do any harm can it?"

Sam sighed, shaking his head. "That's not the point."

"Well go see him, you know where she was, er put to rest right? Would he go there or is he going to go looking to find what happened to her?"

"He'll be on the hunt for answers…"

They hammered out a plan on what to do, what they were going to do and with great reluctance, Sam agreed to let Alyssa come along this once. Inside she was ecstatic. There were only going to be a few problems on the way, such as her missing car and the lack of clothing she currently didn't own. Because what she had owned was nice and safe in her car which was several states out of the way.

Sam went out and stole another car, an indistinct black Honda or something and she carried their stuff out and got in and off they drove towards Kentucky. She turned the radio on when the silence between them started to weight heavily on the mood, and almost regretted it when heavy metal started playing. It took her a couple of tries before she settled on a modern station that wasn't overly pretentious in how it pretended that everyone liked the music.

It was late in the evening when they pulled into the small Kentucky city, close to where Kat's body had been found and near to where she was buried. Sam drove around, checking out the motels in the area, looking for the Impala. Alyssa felt the tension in the car hike several levels when they had driven all over the town and seen no sign of the Impala. What did it mean? Had Dean not come here? Sam checked for his brother's GPS once more, but there was nothing conclusive since it seemed he had removed the battery from his phones. And as irrational as it was, Dean had done it with _every_ one of his phones.

It was obvious that he didn't want to be found. Sam resigned parked in the nearest motel parking lot, it's blue sign flickering and on the verge of dying. They went inside the building and Alyssa was actually surprised by the warm and clean interior. She had been expecting more peeling wallpaper and water stains. Instead there was none of that and it was a pleasant change from the other motels she was familiar with. Sam checked them in under his alias of Hetfield and the clerk welcomed Mr. and Mrs. Hetfield with a great big smile and sent them down to their two-bed room. Sam went back out to the car to grab their belongings and the clerk called Alyssa over to tell her a few creative things that Alyssa was sure she could have done without hearing.

When Sam came back in, Alyssa had the keys in her hand and was pretty sure her face had turned six shades of red in the last minute and a half. She was pretty sure that she had never had another woman sit her down and tell in great detail just how lucky she was to have such a handsome man and some of the special offers that the motel offered. Alyssa was reconsidering her initial appraisement of the place. Blue Heaven certainly had some interesting variables placed in rooms. And Alyssa would keep in mind that avoiding the honeymoon suite was in the best interest for herself. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to stand up there and listen to all of that, knowing that Sam was hers. Here? Here they were friends pretending to be more.

She let them into their room, also neat and tidy and trimmed in a pleasant blue. Alyssa sat down on the nearest bed, curling up. She watched as Sam deposited his bag on his bed, sitting down beside it as well. He glanced at her, and there was almost a spark of the old Sam there, vulnerable and sweet and tender... and then it was gone and he was moving around and rearranging his bag before heading off for a shower and Alyssa was left alone.

How different would it be, if they were here as a couple? She sighed softly.

* * *

Dean was holed up in the traditional old fashioned inn, now more of a remodeled bed and breakfast as he sorted through police files, desperate to find some clue that would tell him who had done this to Kat. He had left the Impala parked safely within the garage of the building, to help keep some distance between him and Sam. He needed to figure this out, and then he would decide what part Sam had to play in this whole thing. But right now, he didn't want a lot to do with his brother. Sam was safe and fine and if there was any immediate danger Cas wouldn't be wasting time in collecting them all.

Interestingly there was no record of her autopsy if one had even been performed, at least not that he could find. He skimmed through the papers quickly finding nothing but a note from the coroner, Margaret Hyra, stating that the results had been inconclusive but that it appeared blunt force trauma was the cause of death. Dean skimmed through the motel manager's statement, frowning as he read her recalled story of Kat explaining about her cheating husband and wanting the father to step up to the plate of looking after her baby. The manager remembered that because she had been in a situation similar to Kat when she was younger, so she had agreed to help and was now regretting it.

They were looking for her husband, who had used the name John Sambora. But there was no one with that name out there, no records, nothing. Dean sat back, frowning at what had to be an alias and one which was pretty similar to some of the stuff they used. The guy was obviously a Bon Jovi fan to use that kind of a name, although god only knew why. Bon Jovi was just not that great as far as Dean was concerned.

He tapped his foot, taking a good long drink from his whiskey. Now would have been a good time to have Sam here. There _had_ to be something that Dean was missing here. No autopsy records, no pictures... not that he was sure he even wanted to see those pictures. What the hell happened? Kitty had been in Kentucky, a more populated town at the Shake n' Shimmy motel and several hours later she was found just a little out of this town and taken to the hospital. They had tried to revive her but had been unsuccessful. Her name was down as Jane Doe and that was the end of the trail, just about. There were no clues or hints or anything about her.

Nothing to suggest that something supernatural was at play either, and that was a little disconcerting. According to the autopsy report done by Hyra, it seemed that there was validity to Kitty's claim that she was pregnant. Four months pregnant actually. But that wasn't possible. Dean had been with her all of May just about, unless after he died she jumped Sam's bones -he shuddered at that, no way that happened -or she'd grabbed the next guy she met. He flicked to the end of the report, pulling out the autopsy pictures he had skimmed over. Inside, was a woman with long reddish hair and a delicate face not too different from Kat, but there was something about her features that seemed... wrong.

On her exposed shoulder, there was a butterfly tattoo. Katherine hated butterflies and the usual girly crap, especially the color pink. Her favorite color was red, had always been. She wouldn't be caught dead with something like that permanently inked onto her body. Even drunk, no one could talk Kat into doing something like that. If anyone could have, Dean would have stood the best chance. And still drunk, he'd taken a right hook to the face that he wasn't going to forget about anytime soon. This... this couldn't be Kat. There was no way.


	15. Better Than I Know Myself

In Kentucky, tucked away unnoticed in a quaint cemetery was a grave. It was poor and freshly done, the name roughly carved into its stone flesh. What no one knew however, was that the grave itself was empty beneath the tombstone. And that the individual sitting before it, had come once again, tracing the name with her fingertips, crutches at her side. She had traced it so many times she had memorized it.

_Here lies Katherine Calloway. May you rest in peace. June 8, 1979 - August 24, 2008._ There was an urn resting on the base of the grave, a very ugly one. Brown and plain, no designs. No name. And filled with ash and probably some bits of charcoal leftover from the fire they had been gathered from. No one ever visited this grave, other than her. There had been no funeral given for the young woman when she passed away, and no pictures provided or even so much as an obituary.

Which was probably just as well, considering that Kat Calloway was still alive. Only, no one knew it. Other than her perhaps. She sighed softly, tracing the letters once more as she tried to recall what had happened nearly seven months ago. Gingerly, she touched her injured leg. She couldn't remember everything that had happened, just that when she woke up she was in some state hospital and the name she was going by wasn't one of her usual aliases. And the weirdest thing of all? A woman by the name of Margaret Hyra had dropped her off and had the medical insurance billed to her. The weird thing about that was that Margaret Hyra was the birth name of actress Meg Ryan and Kat knew that Meg Ryan was her mother's favorite actress. Considering that, it seemed likely that Janine had been behind saving her.

But how had her mother even known what was going on? Kat reluctantly decided that it didn't matter. She had bigger things to worry about, such as whether she would ever be able to walk again without a limp. She got back up on her feet, relying on her crutches. Her name wasn't Kat anymore. It was April May, and she was looking forward to April with more passion than she could explain. She was stuck in this town without a car, renting a motel room and paying for it with the part-time work she got at the cemetery. In addition to that were the medical bills that "Margaret Hyra" was still paying for. And the drugs. Both of which were invaluable considering that Kat had no way of paying for them. She was in physical therapy, stubbornly trying to make her leg work again and to make sure that it worked right under a physician's close eye. She couldn't overdo it, or she would risk making everything worse.

There was nothing she wanted more than to leave this town. But with no car, no money and no way to drive or work properly, she couldn't. She was stuck in this small Kentucky town, acting like some shy school girl because suddenly everyone knew her name and could only stop by a million and one times to make sure she was okay. Kat hated it more than she could ever say. She wanted everyone to mind their own business. She was fine on her own. But there was value in acting differently.

Since her stay in the hospital, she had chopped her too-long hair off and it was only just starting to get back to the length it was before. She also had more time that she was used to having, to spend on her hair and found herself keeping it more orderly than she had ever done. The exception being working any cases where she needed to seduce the man or look professional. Usually tying her hair back worked just fine, but now she found that it was part of her new identity. April May was a very quiet individual. Even if on the inside she was burning with a half a dozen insults and the impatience of a fiery, somewhat violent woman.

She was just hobbling away when she heard the gate creak open. She kept hobbling, out from the little churchyard cemetery. What a weird place for someone to bury her in the first place. Kat was by far very distant from religion. Being buried in the shadow of a church was just about the last place she wanted her body to be. Which, considering the fact that she wasn't dead, was probably a very good thing.

Better Than I Know Myself

It was early morning when Alyssa woke up to the sound of a hushed conversation. Sleepily she rolled over, just able to make out the outline of Sam's figure crouched over as he hissed back a response to his cell phone. The fact that there was no light seeping in through the blinds was enough to tell her that it was unusually early for this sort of thing to be happening.

"Look I don't care-" Sam hissed back.

Blearily Alyssa mumbled out, "Sam?"

"Call you later," he hung up abruptly. "Go back to bed Aly."

"No," she argued, sitting up. "I'm your friend Sam, you can't just order me around. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" she repeated disbelievingly. "Who were you on the phone with? Why are you even keeping secrets from Dean?"

Sam scowled. "You're my friend Alyssa, I don't owe you any explanations."

"I'm worried about you, Goddammit!"

"No you're not," came his harsh response. "You're just jealous! I don't love you Alyssa, not romantically at least. I never have and I never will and _you_ need to get over it already! I've moved on with someone else and she is nothing like you. Your little crush has been cute and all, but get over it already. If you want to stick around, you can stay out of my business."

Numbly, Alyssa stared at the ceiling as the ache in her heart spread and tears swelled to her eyes. She rolled out of bed quicker than she knew she could, grabbing her jacket, throwing her shoes on and walking out of the building. She had no idea how long she walked, or where she walked to, but all of a sudden she was aware that she couldn't breathe and there were harsh sobs trying to tear themselves free as the tears seemed to roll endlessly down her cheeks. She couldn't have said what hurt more. The stinging, brutal rejection of her feelings or that the Sam she was trying to save wasn't the same man she had ever loved or been friends with. He had the name and the walk, the same face and everything, but… losing Dean had a done a number on him.

By the time the sun was rising, Alyssa had gathered herself well enough to walk back towards her motel room. She didn't want to see Sam, or have anything to do with him. Even if she was supposed to be the only one who could save him, she didn't really believe that she would be able to do anything productive in that regard. Sam was… gone. But gone in what sense? Had he really changed into this unrecognizable person who was so ruthless and mean? If she was supposed to save him, then what did that mean? Was she supposed to save him from his own self or from something else? That angel hadn't been very specific.

A small part of her grabbed onto that desperate, last shred of hope. That there was something else going on, because the man she loved, wasn't such a tyrant as he had been this morning. She swallowed tightly. What if he was? If he was… then she had nothing left to do with her life except… move on. She had been trying, but it was impossible when demons were on her tail all the time. If she disappeared entirely, and lost all contact with Sam, then maybe they wouldn't be interested in her anymore. But for now, she had to try and do something at the very least.

She was halfway back to the motel when she glanced over to admire the small church. It was classical and cute, a little piece of enduring time and in the shadow of the steeple there was a small graveyard. As the sun was making its way higher in the sky, from the corner of her eye she caught a metallic glint. She glanced over, stunned to see that there was a young woman kneeling in front of a grave, her brilliant red hair cut neat and short with a silver hairpiece keeping it from her face. She noticed the crutches beside the woman and entered the small graveyard, wondering about the woman. Injured people didn't usually spend their time in cemeteries; the loss must still be quite recent for her.

"Hey," she said softly, as she moved towards the woman.

Shock stabbed deep into Alyssa when the other woman turned to look back at her. It was… Kat. But that wasn't… Kat was supposed to be dead. Clearly, there was a nasty misunderstanding with that. But then why hadn't she stepped forward to clarify that she was alive? Would that just make everything more convoluted and unnecessary or what, exactly?

"You can't tell anyone!" she hissed. "How'd you even…?"

"I-I didn't. I just… thought you needed help."

"I don't. I'm fine, I'm alive. Sam's on his own, healthy, good as can be. Thank you, goodbye."

"But Ka-"

"It's April," she corrected tersely. "That woman is dead." She touched the grave once more, indicating the name.

"Okay… April. Why do you have crutches?"

"It's none of your business, okay? And it's… it's better if you just go."

Alyssa faltered. "Dean's alive. And Sam isn't… something's up with Sam."

Kat barked a laugh. "Yeah, he's screwing a fucking demon and who-knows-what-else. Good for him, he can take a nice little trip to Hell. Sure, Dean's back, what'd he do? Walk out of Hell's Gate 'cos if he did, he ain't one of us."

"Angels," Alyssa blurted it out. "The angels saved him."

Kat laughed, turning to look at her. "Seriously? What are you -high? Angels don't exist."

"They do," Alyssa insisted. "And Dean really is back. Sam knows it's him and so does Bobby. So if you want any proof, you can ask them."

"Ask them?" she snorted. "Yeah right. I'm dead as far as anyone's concerned. Let me guess; Sam never told Dean, so Dean thinks I just ran off with the next basket case I meant and said screw you Winchesters? Or is he walking around thinking that I totally screwed him over when I abandoned Sam?"

"What happened to you?" Alyssa asked softly, looking at Kat pityingly. She wasn't the same woman she had been seven months ago, that was for sure.

"I got my ass handed to me! I fucking died! I don't know if I'll -look, it doesn't matter. I can't help. You looking for me to help you? Because I can't even help myself. Don't tell either of them. Sure, they deserve to know, but not while I'm like this. And you want help with Sam, right? Get him away from that demon bitch of his. And stay out of her way -she'll tear you to pieces."

Kat got to her feet, mindful of her foot, using her crutches to assist her. "Don't tell them. Good luck." And she limped away.

Alyssa watched her walk away before glancing at what would have been her grave. She frowned and then followed after Kat. She had a few more questions, and then she would leave the other woman alone as she wanted but this… she had to know.

"K-April!" she called, as she caught up to her.

Kat shot her a dirty look. "Did you miss the part of leave me alone?"

"I must have," Alyssa replied cheerily. "Can you tell me what happened? How do you know that that's what Sam's up to?"

"Because I met the bitch? All high and mighty, acting like she was Sam's girlfriend and then she beat the shit out of me, alright? I don't know what all happened, it doesn't really matter anyways. I'm dead and she isn't and I can't help you with Sam."

"You have to know more about this stuff than I do. I heard that you grew up in this life as much as the Winchesters did."

"What's your point?"

"Help me. Train me, teach me… whatever you can. Ellen and Jo have been helping me, but I mean… there has to be something I can do to save Sam right?"

Kat smirked bitterly. "Loving those boys from the sidelines doesn't help anyone, does it? Least of all them." She sighed. "I'm not in any condition to teach you. Ellen's probably done enough of a job to keep you alive. You know a lot about demons?"

"A bit. They've only been chasing me for the last four years."

"Hm. Give me your number." She stopped awkwardly, fishing out her cell phone and putting Alyssa's number in it. "I'll send you a few tips. Feel free to call once you have my number. Ellen isn't incompetent. Neither is Jo, but she's a rookie. You probably have the basic survival skills…" Kat paused, surveying Alyssa. "But a demon like the one hanging around Sam? For someone like you, you need to catch her by surprise. And that won't be easy. But it's your best chance. Don't let Sam out of your sight for ten minutes. I don't know what he was up to, but… what he could be up to… but he's working with that demon."

"Didn't you work with one before? I remember hearing about her, ah, Ruby wasn't it?"

"No choice. Devil's deal to save Dean, right? I listened because there was a chance. I don't know what happened to her, I don't know if she's the one stalking Sam or not. It doesn't matter. No demon is a good demon, even Ruby. Exorcise her and your problem will be dealt with, alright?"

Alyssa nodded, taking Katherine's number down under the alias of April. "You should know… Dean's looking for you. Or, well, to find out what happened to you."

"He won't find me," Kat responded, smiling sadly. "I covered my tracks. I don't want him to know, okay? It's… It's gotta be better like this."

Alyssa reluctantly nodded, agreeing to Kat's unusual request before she started back to the motel. A part of her was honestly surprised to see that Sam was still there, looking worried and apologetic. He even gave her a hug. But it didn't make things any better between the two of them. Especially considering the fact that when he went for a shower, she snuck a look at his phone to see who he had been calling. There was no name listed, but Alyssa typed it out in her phone and passed it onto Kat. Maybe they could figure out who it was, it might help.

It was two in the morning when she got Kat's reply. Her phone gave a rumble from under her pillow and with exhaustion, she pulled it out to look. _Jane Doe, the bitch who killed me. _

Apparently, Kat wasn't a wordy person. But that was okay. The text told her what she needed to know and she deleted their conversation. So the person Sam kept calling for so incessantly… was a demon. Everything he'd said earlier was a lie. And if that was a lie, then what else had he been lying about? She wasn't so sure that she wanted to know. But a part of her had to know. She had no reason to not believe the angel Castiel, when he told her that she was the only one who could save Sam. If she was… then she was going to do her best. And not only because that was just what the angel had said, but because she could even see that there was something wrong with Sam.

* * *

Dean stopped at the edge of the cemetery, watching as the red-haired woman limped away on her crutches. If she thought he couldn't find her, then she was sorely mistaken. He looked down at the slip of paper with Katherine Calloway's plot number and walked over to the grave that she had just left. He crouched down.

_Here lies Katherine Calloway. May you rest in peace. June 8, 1979 - August 24, 2008_

She wasn't dead. As far as he could tell, anyways. He looked up at the figure moving away. Someone had died, but the coroner and maybe a police officer or two had falsified some reports to make it seem like she really was dead. But what was the point of that? It didn't look like Kat was out hunting. What was the significance of playing dead, unless someone was out to get her of course? It was mostly for that reason that Dean didn't follow her. It was mostly because he didn't want to screw things up for her, considering that she thought he was dead. It was probably better that way, that he died and she would never know that he was alive. She wouldn't have to worry about a million things and she would never have to deal with someone like him again.

After what he had done... forty years in Hell had really changed the way he saw the world. Had seven months of physical rehabilitation done the same for her? He set the yellow rose down on the grave, a little card tucked under the bud. Cheesy and pathetic. "Get well soon!" Useless. But, maybe she would see it. And then what? Probably take off running in the other direction. All the better, since if Dean knew Sam could figure it out. And if they knew, demons could find her. And angels. God, hopefully the sons of bitches kept out of her life and her head.

If this was what she wanted, then Dean was willing to let her have it. Freedom, normalcy... Things hunters never got. But this wasn't Kat Calloway. Katherine Calloway was cremated. Nothing left of her. No. April May was the one left walking topside. And honestly, she really could have thought of a better name. But creativity had never Kat's forte. Maybe April would find some it, bring it bursting to the top. The most creative Kat ever got was when she took a gun out and fired enough bullet holes into the target that it could have been a flower. And then she shot that until there was nothing tangible left.

Kat wasn't creative. But she was resourceful and she was a survivor. At least she was still alive. But with that sprain... there was a possibility that complications could arise. She needed to stay here and recover and not push too hard for anything and risk re-injuring it. Dean looked at the grave once more before turning away and walking back to the Impala. It was time to get back to saving the world. Sam was probably going to be pissed but Dean didn't care. Sam had no right to try and hide something like this from him.

What did he think it would do? Send him crashing into despair? Or distract him? Because it hadn't. He felt more focused than he had in awhile. They had to stop the Apocalypse. He closed his eyes, sighing as he snapped his cell phone battery back into place. The world just couldn't wait. There were five messages, four from Sam with either pleads or threats, and one really strange call from Cas. He phoned Sam back, telling him he'd pick him up and they'd be off to go and find Cas since something weird was going on with the angel.


	16. Devil in a Midnight Mass

Dean and Sam reunited after that. Alyssa went with both of them, as uncomfortable and intrusive as she felt sitting in the backseat of the Impala. What she wouldn't have done to have her own car back again. She had been avoiding talking to Sam as much as she could but he didn't seem to have the same problems with it as she did. It really was like he had forgotten all about it. And Dean tried to be nice to her, she could really see him putting a lot of effort into it. But despite how unusual it seemed to be, based on the obvious strain Dean was in about it, Sam never commented on it.

It was a few days after that when Dean woke up abruptly and pounded on her door. She was out of bed in minutes and he stopped only long enough to tell her that a friend of theirs was in an emergency and they didn't have time. She was in the back of the Impala as they headed down to a meeting spot of sorts. And there, she met the man who had been an angel -Jimmy Novak.

It was a horrific battle, when they were all gathered in that one building. With Jimmy dying and his little girl finishing off the demons and then Sam drinking the blood of one of the demons in order to use his powers. This was no doubt linked to the Jane Doe that had killed Kat. And like Dean, Alyssa had thought that Sam's powers as she had witnessed earlier that day were part of his psychic connection. Unlike the older Winchester, she had not realized that his power had grown so exceptionally. They were sending Claire and her mother Amelia off, before Castiel came to stand beside her. It was oddly easy to recognize this suddenly staunch and upright man as the angel that she had met not long ago.

"You could have prevented this," Cas informed her nonchalantly. "It is why I contacted you the first time."

Sam and Dean were already heading back out to the Impala, seemingly unaware that Cas was remaining to speak with her. "I didn't know what to do," she protested. "I didn't know that's what he was doing, least of all how to stop it from happening."

"You could have tried harder. Instead, you have pushed him away."

This… somehow, seemed a lot different than her first encounter with the angel. But perhaps that was on her, for having failed to save Sam.

"I'm… sorry."

"Tell that to the Winchesters."

With a soft feathery rustle, he was gone. Confused, and a little ashamed, she made her way back out to the Impala where they were waiting for her. It was almost enough to make her smile, but between Dean's tight, impatient smile and Sam's lack of eye contact, she knew that her travels wouldn't last much longer.

Devil In A Midnight Mass

Alyssa sank bonelessly onto Bobby's worn couch. It felt like she would never stop hearing Sam's screams; they seemed to echo inside her mind. Dean threw back a bottle of whisky faster than she had seen anyone else -while still remaining standing. It shouldn't have surprised her as much as it did. Hunters could usually drink anyone else under the table. Bobby drank his almost as quickly, it not faster than Dean. They had offered her some liquor and she was glad to have declined the offer. She felt sick enough without needing to add the burning queasiness from alcohol. She liked drinking well enough, but she liked to keep it celebratory and positive. This was borderline destructive if not outright destruction -but she wouldn't begrudge it of them.

What were they supposed to do?

Between Sam's fits of screaming and raging, Bobby and Dean bickered about what they were supposed to do about Sam. At this point, Alyssa almost regretted that he was locked up. Dean was nearly treating him as though he were a monster, and although Alyssa almost felt that way after seeing him drink the blood of a demon -it was still Sam. And Sam wasn't a monster. He wasn't someone they would kill. Because it was Sam, inside there was Sam; good, old, sweet Sam Winchester. But she didn't agree with Bobby entirely either. Letting him out wouldn't be any better than leaving him locked up. But there wasn't exactly anything in between that they could do either.

She put her hands over her face, Cas' words ringing in her head. She had failed. Both herself, Cas and most of all Sam. She pulled her phone out, texting an update to Kat on what was going on. On what Sam and Jane Doe had been doing. On why Sam was doing it. To kill Lilith and avenge Dean's death. Even though his brother was back, Sam didn't seem to care. Kat's response came almost immediately. _The big idiot. Dean okay?_

Alyssa glanced at Dean's worn and worried face, at the stubborn and defiant creases as he argued with Bobby. She replied _Define okay._ He was up and moving, functioning, arguing rationally and passionately -but that didn't mean he was okay if okay was defined as being emotionally well. Kat's response came back quickly _Okay means he's drinking easy, gentle, just a knocking a glass or two back. It means he's listening with both ears and not one. It means he's not pacing like a caged animal. _Alyssa looked over at Dean again as he walked around the room again.

_Well between him and Bobby they're down a bottle of whisky, he's arguing with Bobby over what's best for Sam and he's pacing the room like a hungry tiger watching the lion tamer. _Which would mean, by Kat's definition, that Dean was very far from being okay. Not the biggest surprise in the world, but from his facial expressions and body language all she could see was the worry and confusion. And maybe just a little bit of despair, as he shook his head and walked outside to get some air.

Bobby looked over at her, smiled forcefully and raised his glass to down it all in one swallow. Sam's screams were still lingering in the air and Alyssa curled up on the couch. There had to be some other way to do this.

_Thank you, for telling me_ came Kat's response. _I'll try and make it there in time, I think I have an idea._

Alyssa frowned curiously and typed back _In time for what?_

Kat's response was almost immediate. _In time to stop Dean from being an idiot as usual, and maybe to save Sam. _

Whatever that meant, exactly. Alyssa glanced at the time -they had been here for some hours already and Sam's bellows still echoed through the house. They would be lucky if the sheriff didn't show up wanting explanations. Anyone who came over and the door opened, they'd probably be able to hear. It was good Bobby lived so far away from most people in that case. With her mind busy and whirling out possibilities, Alyssa fell into an exhausted sleep. Bobby, too, was dozing at his desk. Neither of them noticed when Dean came back in, shortly after sunrise, to settle back into an armchair.

When Alyssa woke up, it was to a hushed conversation abruptly cut short as the two men raced down the stairs. Belatedly she realized the house was absolutely silent. The day passed similar to that, slightly quieter than the day before. Alyssa made the three of them dinner, throwing her focus into the simplicity of cooking. She did her best to not listen in to their conversation, about whether this was what was best for Sam. She was on Bobby's side, that what they were doing wasn't helping but she could understand Dean's point too. She said none of this to either of them, as she served them steaks and pasta. From the way they devoured the food, she thought maybe it had been a long time since either man had eaten real food but she found that difficult to believe of Bobby.

Bobby's words rang out over the clatter of her washing the dishes.

"We're killing him! He ain't gonna last much longer."

The silence was nearly deafening after Dean vowed that he would rather Sam die a human than something else. It was a restless, ill at ease night that awaited them all. Alyssa was plagued with nightmares and when she woke up in the morning to find Bobby holding an ice patch to his head and Dean packing his belongings up that she knew something had gone very wrong last night.

"Sam got out," Bobby told her gruffly. "Dean'll find him."

Of course he would. Alyssa blinked blearily, looking down at her cell. Yesterday Kat was supposed to be on her way. Was it too late now? Hopefully not. Dean didn't offer to take her with him and Alyssa made no effort to try and go with him either. Whatever this was, it was better to have Sam and Dean sort it out on their own. If they could. Kat didn't show up at all that day, as Alyssa spent her time at Bobby's cleaning and cooking for the older man. She didn't touch any books or papers, having a sense that he knew where everything was in the chaotic mess it was and that if she moved anything out of place it would be on her head.

She didn't even hear from Kat, but Dean phoned Bobby several times to update him. Alyssa brokenheartedly wondered what it was that she was supposed to do with her life now. Being on the constant run from demons wasn't exactly fun. And with the way things were standing, with the Apocalypse breathing down their necks, there wasn't exactly a lot that she could do. If the Winchesters failed… she didn't want to think about it. Dean phoned when he found Sam in the motel, assuring them that he would be fine as he crept into the building and chatted his way past the clerk.

Outside, Kat pulled up in a bright yellow sports car that was all her. Red hair fanning out behind her, she got out and headed up to the house. There was no trace of a limp in her walk, and there were no crutches at her side. Apparently she had healed well.

* * *

"Kat?" Bobby asked, incredulously. "I got your death certificate here, girl."

"Mother took care of it," she replied, taking her sunglasses off as she looked around. Alyssa was standing next to Bobby, dark circles under her eyes and her stance looked downright pathetic. Hanging around with the Winchesters hadn't done much to help her out, evidently. "I'm alive and well Bobby, short of a rolled ankle which is taken care of now."

"What're you doing here, then?"

"I told her what was going on," Alyssa said quietly. She met the old hunter's gaze squarely and honestly, not as timidly as Kat expected. "She offered to come and help."

Bobby sighed. "Any help is better than no help."

"Where's Dean gone? I have to tell him something."

"He went after Sam. They're somewhere in Coldspring right now -he just found Sam and Ruby, actually."

That wasn't all that surprising. "Good. And he's gone to kill her right? Because that bitch is the one that had me get a new name." Kat grimaced. "I'd like to fucking kill her, but Dean can have his first shot."

"He's going to kill her and hopefully bring Sam back," Alyssa replied carefully.

"If he kills her, it might save Sam," Kat offered helpfully. "No there are no demon detoxes Bobby, but there are a few things to be said about vampires and their slaves."

"Spit it out," he told her gruffly.

"Well think about it. What was it that old Elkins would say? He used to kill the slaves with the vampires because they were so desperate for a bit of blood they were as good as dead anyways. So he wiped them out. But one time he got to the nest first, 'cos they kept their slaved penned up and wild as cannibalistic pigs with no space -and when he wiped out the vamps, what happened to those slaves? Elkins saw the change in them, the sanity return to their eyes and he didn't trust them as far as he could throw them but by the time he had burned all the vampires up, they were talking like real people again.

"What if it's the same with Ruby? You kill her, the blood loses its power over Sam. It could work. He might have a craving for it, but he's smart enough to know better than to let it get control over him. So if we kill that demon bitch, he's saved. Maybe. I mean it can't be that different between vampires and demons -I don't even want to know what makes the difference between human blood and demon blood."

Alyssa smiled brightly. "I hope it works."

Bobby sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. "Elkins was never the most reliable source out there, Kat. He went a little nutty at the end there. I've got his journals, what Dean and Sam managed to save anyways."

"He was a damn fine hunter, Bobby. And he did this earlier on anyways."

"Well you can try and catch up with Dean, if you want. He's in Coldspring, a few hours away."

"We'll get him and Sam," Kat declared, grinning as she glanced at Alyssa. "You're coming too, aren't you?"

"Of course," Alyssa replied, almost stunned.

"Good, well nice seeing you Bobby. Let's keep my survival on the down-low. See you around!" she flashed him a warm smile, heading back out to the sports car she had "borrowed" from a friend.

Alyssa followed her out to the car, getting into the passenger seat almost reverently. Kat laughed, starting the vehicle up before flying out of the automobile yard. They stayed in comfortable silence for awhile, just the sound of obnoxiously happy pop music playing quietly. It was a matter of hours when they saw the Impala drive by, Dean the only one inside the car. Kat considered pulling a U-turn and following him until he stopped, but she figured there wasn't much point. If Sam wasn't with him then Ruby wasn't dead. She owed the bitch a few beatings, for herself and for Sam. Dean too, really.

If Alyssa had noticed the Impala drive past, she didn't say anything about it. Kat almost felt for her. Alyssa was obviously exhausted, but by the determination flashing grimly in her eyes there was something she was going to fight for. Alyssa had told her a little of the fight between her and Sam a few weeks back, but she had been tiptoeing the subject before changing it back around. She wasn't as closemouthed as Dean could be, but if there was something she knew and Dean wanted to know, she would hate to see the two of them go back at it. There was a certain elegance to how she skipped around a subject opposed to Dean's aggressive defenses that flew up.

It was nice to be back on the road, on another hunt. They drove to Coldspring, and rather than stop and phone Bobby or Dean, Kat simply wandered into the motel with Alyssa on her heels and flirted her way through the desk clerk to see the cameras outside the building. She watched as Ruby ran off and how Sam left in the ugliest orange car Kat had ever seen, and how Dean wandered out looking the worst of a fight. Kat thanked the clerk pleasantly before heading back out to the yellow sports car. It stood out, yes, but it was neither stolen nor missing and it was a hell of a lot faster than most other cars were. She sped out of the parking lot with Alyssa and down the highway. There were a million different places Sam could have gone, but it would be harder if she reported the car as stolen and accused that Jane Doe was the woman behind Katherine Calloway's sudden disappearance and subsequent death.

She phoned in with an anonymous tip, giving a detailed description of Ruby and her accomplice Sam Winchester. Kat made sure to play it on thick of how villainous Ruby was and how she wasn't sure what Sam had done exactly, but she thought he might be involved. It would be enough to derail the two of them for at least some time, as she added in the description of their car and where she had last seen them before hanging up. When she got back to the car, Alyssa was sound asleep, the open bag of chips in her hand and a bottle of pop cradled in her arm. Kat shook her head, smiling, before turning the scanner back on and heading out to track Sam Winchester and his demon succubus down.

* * *

_This is something of a filler chapter, the less interesting travel from place to place that is necessary to advance the plot. I'm going to start writing the following chapter to this right now, and hopefully I'll have it up later this afternoon or evening. Here is where things start to slightly deviate from the show... I hope you like. :)_


	17. House of Wolves

They made it to the convent, having followed the rumors and the whispers and the police sightings as well as having a few phone calls with Bobby. Dean had vanished; the angels had him who-knows-where. Kat wasn't going to let that stop her as she pulled up beside the orange vehicle. Alyssa was resigned to whatever happened here, whether the Apocalypse was unleashed or not. The goal right now was to save Sam. He was just walking through the doors as Kat hopped out of the car.

"Hey Ruby, you little skank!" she shouted, drawing her gun and firing. One of the bullets pierced her shoulder and the woman whirled with a hiss, eyes flashing black.

Sam turned towards them, shock evident on his face as Alyssa raced towards him. Kat fired another bullet at her, smirking as it left a smoking patch in Ruby's jacket. They had been dipped in holy water and then covered in salt. It would be painful, but not unbearable and certainly distracting. Alyssa yelped as she ran into solid doors, the whole set of them closing as Ruby locked them shut. This would have to be a good old fashioned exorcism between the two of them, Kat knew, watching Ruby suspiciously. Alyssa had the passage memorized, and stored in hand -just in case. If that didn't work, they had enough salt in the back to trap her if their timing was absolutely perfect.

"Well, well, well," she sneered. "I suppose I'm supposed to feel honored, Kat. You came back to let me finish you off like last time."

"Oh you wish bitch," Kat snapped. "You caught me by surprise last summer. If you think I'm that easy you're sorely mistaken."

"Ha! Considering I did kill you, I would say you're that easy. And from what I've heard, I think most of the hunters would agree with me."

Kat fired another bullet at her, this time aiming for her head. Her target hit right on the dot. Ruby's head leaned back for an eerie moment before she straightened, the wound healing, leaving a little smoke floating. Her eyes black and murderous, she advanced on Kat. She waited for the right moment before she attacked, managing to get her arms around the other woman while Alyssa started to recite the exorcism. Ruby howled and fought like mad, breaking away from Kat's hold even as Alyssa finished it.

"You think," Ruby laughed, barely winded, "that something like that would work on me? I took preparations for that eventuality _long_ ago sweetheart."

And just like that, she whirled and turned on Alyssa. But the other woman was prepared as well, her knife flying to her defense just as she had been drilled. Kat hated having to do it, to turn her back on Alyssa and run to the car to grab the bag of rock salt they had bought on the journey over but it was necessary. She returned to find the two of them battling; other than the few rips and tears in Ruby's clothing it was hard to tell if the other woman had even wounded her. By the cuts and tears that Alyssa wore, it was a pretty safe bet that she was just barely able to hold her own.

Kat cut a hole through the bag, spreading a large circle around them. It would have to do, for now. It wouldn't hold Ruby forever, and although she could clearly see what Katherine was doing, she was unable to leave her back exposed to Alyssa. She was pretty decent with the knife. But Ruby was slowly and surely working her way towards the salt edge. Kat dropped down once the circle was made, grabbing chalk and starting to draw the pentagram of the Devil's Trap. Alyssa leapt back from Ruby's sudden sideswipe, a crimson stain spreading over her arm. She fumbled, moving back, careful to make sure no blood ruined the delicate work that Kat had been doing.

Ruby scoffed. "You really think this will hold me?"

"I don't see any rescue on your way," Kat sneered as she pulled back from the trap.

"Oh kitty cat, you gotta learn how to bite. Because Sam's opening the final seal as we speak. _He's coming_," she crooned. "Oh he's going to be here, and I'm the one who brought him." She laughed and Kat could feel her hairs stand on end.

From within the convent, she could see a bright light that kept on expanding. Somewhere in there, was Sam. And unknown to her, was that Dean had just broken through the inner doors to come and stand beside his brother who had learned from Zachariah just what he had done. Ruby's laugh seemed to echo endlessly around them. The windows blew out, showering them in a rainfall of glass. She could see Dean and Sam leap out, staggering towards them. Although the light was blinding them, even this far away from the altar room, Dean caught sight of Ruby first. He raced over, the knife in his hand as he stabbed her clean through her heart.

Kat smiled softly. It was good to see Dean back in action. Alyssa was clutching her arm, her jacket wrapped around it as Sam hesitated, waiting back. Suddenly the light got brighter and the ear-splitting beep intensified. Kat nearly crumpled, her hands flying to cover her ears -

House of Wolves

When Kat came to, she was at Bobby's with no recollection of how she got there. Bobby seemed just as surprised to see her. What had happened to the others? And what was that bright light? She looked around, stumbling onto the couch when she realized that neither Alyssa nor the Winchesters were with her.

"What happened?"

"I have no idea," she whispered, wrapping her arms around her. Whatever it was, wasn't good. "I don't think they stopped the seal from breaking, though."

Bobby looked as grim as she felt, turning away. He turned the radio on and the news slowly started to trickle in, about the suspected but unconfirmed terrorist workings in Ilchester, Maryland. And then the environmental anomalies started happening. They heard from Dean first, and Sam was okay and with him. Bobby left in a hurry, leaving Kat to manage the place. She sent Alyssa a few messages, but the woman never messaged her back. Something must have gone wrong with her cell phone during… during whatever it was that had happened to them.

When she got the call, from the hospital, her knees buckled and she felt _fear_. A fear far deeper than she had known she could feel. Kat didn't work with people. The last time she was this scared, was with Dean when he was dying. And she knew she could do nothing for him. This time though, it was Bobby, in the hospital and going for surgery and the way Dean's voice shook. It was _Bobby_. She dropped everything she was doing, locking the place and hotwiring one of the old Junkers, taking off to St. Martin's Hospital.

Kat was the one who took Bobby home, in his wheelchair and helped him sort out enough of a path to function. She also gave him all the space he needed, which it turned out was a lot. But she didn't mind. She was half waiting to hear from Dean, or Sam or even Alyssa. Bobby said the boys were on their way to River Pass, Colorado to help Rufus out. She didn't press him for more information, instead sticking around to make him eat and stop him from living in a drunken stupor much as he seemed prone to do.

* * *

Alyssa found herself in River Pass when she came to, in the back seat of a flipped over car. It took her some time to kick her way out, but she managed it. After a day spent wandering around, trying to get cell service, she was attacked. Jo tackled her to the ground, pinning her there before splashing a bottle of what had to be holy water onto her face.

"Oh thank god, it's really you," Jo whispered, hugging her tightly.

What was going on? A day ago she had been in Maryland and now she was somewhere else entirely. But Jo's face was a friendly one, and that was more than she had even expected. She wrapped her arms around her friend and the two of them caught each other up with the current situation as they returned to what Jo called "base camp" and someone named Rufus, who was the head honcho of this non-possessed posse.

Rufus went through the same process with her before he recapped on everything Jo had just said. From the sounds of it, things were getting to be quite ugly around here and Alyssa had been very lucky that the demons hadn't taken her. She rubbed her arms, trying to disspell the fear that was creeping up on her. She wasn't going to let it control her. She was left to look after the townspeople that were left, a ragtag bunch of armed innocents. But she did her part, even as she and the others could hear the scuffle that was going on outside the building.

And then, the two hunters returned, dragging an unconscious Sam between the two of them. "He's a demon," Jo said firmly, as they hauled him upstairs.

Alyssa leapt from her chair, rushing upstairs after them. She paused at the entry, watching as they bound Sam up. Some part of her wanted to tell them to stop, but the memory of his recent vampirism sprang to mind. It was going to take a lot of work to get past that, if it was something Sam had moved past. What happened inside the church? There were over a million questions she wanted to ask him. Had his blood drinking turned him into a monster -a demon? What was Dean going to do? Or Kat? How could they kill Sam -especially if that was the situation.

When he woke up, Alyssa was downstairs helping ration servings of food out to the ragtag group of people. Dimly she could hear Sam's cries and pleas for Jo and Rufus to stop and listen to him. And then it was silent again. Her hands shook as she finished serving the food and she took as little as she could, sitting down by herself as she ate. Jo and Rufus emerged, settling themselves among the survivors. As the night wore on everyone went to bed; Jo assigned Alyssa to guard Sam, since she and Rufus were needed to monitor the sentries. Apparently they had caught them falling asleep far more often than was prudent.

Sam was just beginning to wake up when Roger came to relieve her. She went back to the small cot she had claimed for herself and sleep came easily that night. However, the next day was spent on watchful alert. Fear and tension was easily felt between all of them as the demons raced towards the house, taking cover behind the Impala. She heard the pipe bombs go off and she lined up her shot, shooting and aiming to kill. Until the gun was knocked from her hands by Jo.

"It's War," Jo said softly, looking out the window. "He's making us hallucinate that we're all demons when we're not. Sam and Dean are going to stop him."

"It's… It's really the Apocalypse, then," she whispered, following Jo's stare.

"You didn't know?"

Alyssa shook her head. "I was with Sam and Dean, they wound up somewhere else, I guess and I appeared here." She smiled bitterly.

"Well, I've got your car back in Conneticut, if you want to drive it again. What'd you ditch it for, exactly?"

"I didn't. I didn't leave it…willingly. I can't really explain." How was she supposed to explain angels? Jo didn't need to know everything. Anyways, it was unlikely enough that Dean had stopped to explain everything. Because they had failed to stop it. What a mess.

"Well that's good to know. You should've phoned though, we were thinking the demons had got you." Jo turned to her, "I was really worried," she added with a scowl.

"I'm so sorry. I've been... I was busy, caught up with the Winchesters and everything. It's no excuse, I know. I didn't even think of it."

Jo sighed softly, hugging her. "Mom will be so glad to see you too."

Alyssa hugged her friend back. She could just imagine Ellen's joy once she had thoroughly scolded Alyssa. Not that she didn't deserve it, after everything they had helped her with and her carelessness. But that was okay. It was nice to be surrounded by these two women who she considered to be her family. Since her old one would never see her again... this was okay.

Sure, she wished she could have gone home and escaped the demons hunting her and the angels invading her personal space but she didn't see it happening anytime soon. Home was a word she didn't really know, as much as she kept trying to build one. Her fate was something to be understood, considering all she wanted to do was live a normal life. Perhaps it wasn't in her cards, but that didn't mean she would stop trying. For now, sticking around with Jo and Ellen would probably be the best choice she could make.

She would have a way to keep in contact with the Winchesters and how Sam was doing without interfering with their business. For now, that would have to do.

"They did it," Jo enthused as the men and women started lowering their weapons, looking around in confusion.

Of course they did, Alyssa thought to herself. Slowly, her cell started to go off as message after message flew in. They were all from Kat. She hurriedly typed out a response without bothering to look and see what she had typed. Kat would probably end off adventuring with the boys or something like that.

* * *

_I guess I should have just said I'd try to get the next chapter up by the next day XD sorry guys. Well here it is, a little late but finished._

_I've been wanting to write Alyssa and Kat into season 5 episode 4 for a very long time, so I've been looking forward to it. I hope you will as well, and that no one is too disappointed that I'm probably going to skip right into it. _

_Thank you for the reviews :) Again, if there's anything in particular you want to see let me know. I don't know if you want me to deviate from the plot of the show or if I should stick to it as I have been doing -personally, I'm not really sure where I want to go with it yet. _


	18. A Hundred Years and Now You're Gone

100 Years

It was hell on earth and had been for awhile. They were doing well enough at the camp, but they were beginning to run low on a few key supplies -as Chuck knew all too well. Dean's house sat outlined in the evening light, located at the center of the camp so his comrades could find him easily if they needed to. Cas' house was located further away, closer to the edges of wilderness so they could all pretend that the fallen angel's orgies and drugs had always been his drug of choice -never God or faith. Kat's house was shared with Alyssa, as most everyone's was, and located diagonal to Dean's. It was probably a good placement for the both of them, but nowadays it was rough to see either woman.

Since Sam had said yes, Alyssa wasn't coping well. In fact, less than well. She had fallen into depression and only Cas and Kat ever saw her. Dean refused to have anything to do with her since she had failed the only worthwhile task ever assigned her. Saving Sam didn't just end with the seals -it carried well beyond that. And it was easier for Dean to blame Alyssa rather than accept that Sam had given her the slip and confronted Lucifer on his own. Now they were all paying the price. Sometimes, Kat wondered if it wasn't for the best that Alyssa had become so anti-social. If anyone knew, or suspected, what part she played in their nightmare she wouldn't have lasted very long. She was the black spot of failure on their recent history. Dean couldn't even hear her name. Honestly, when Cas lost all of his powers, Kat had been afraid Dean would come to kill her friend but he didn't. She was grateful for it, but at the same time she could feel how Alyssa resented it.

Death would have been easier than living with the guilt, she would say. But she still allowed Kat to look after her. About a year ago Alyssa had been out searching for survivors with some of their merry band when some croats had showed up. No one else had come back other than Alyssa, with her arm broken and no other signs of injury upon her person. Dean put her into quarantine right away and they gave her a week before she was allowed to be examined. Their latest doctor had died in the last fight and so the next qualified person, Dean, was meant to attend to her aid.

"No," he had said coldly, his eyes staring straight into Alyssa's. "Not helping." And he turned and walked away.

So it fell to the next qualified person… until there was no one left but Kat, Cas and Alyssa. They had done what they could, but really, none of them were familiar enough with what to do that the injury never healed correctly. That was the last time Alyssa had tried to help anyone, since no one was willing to help her with Dean's stubborn refusal. Kat wasn't able to change his opinion on the matter either.

"I'm okay for the night Kat," Alyssa told her quietly. "I know you want to go see him. I understand."

It was five years to the day that they found out Sam had said yes, to the day that Dean was resolved to fighting this and being their great and mighty leader in this war. Dean never took a day off, none of them really did. He was spending more and more time with Risa, but Kat knew it didn't mean anything. It never did. He slept around like a man in his twenties, a man that was fighting every day to stay alive. Honestly, it was a wonder between him and Cas how there were any condoms left. And how no one had gotten pregnant.

Prior to this, what felt like another lifetime ago, Kat had enjoyed sleeping around but since the world had fallen apart… She didn't sleep with anyone other than Dean. Sometimes Cas' offer was appealing, but she just didn't have the heart to do it. Dean wouldn't have cared, he wouldn't have tried to stop her and maybe that was the problem -that she wanted him to show her that he cared. But she settled for the nights he would sneak her into his cabin. Those were the best nights. She smiled to herself as she left her cabin, not needing to look behind her to know that Alyssa was sneaking out of bed and making her way unnoticed from the camp.

Tomorrow they were going to attack the Devil and it would be their last stand. No one was saying it out loud, and certainly not Dean but it was clear enough. She stopped at the storage, grabbing a bottle of alcohol before continuing to Dean's. She would go to battle tomorrow, hung over and careless and in love with a man determined to die. And she would die, and he would die, and they would lose but at least they tried. She knocked on his door and was grateful to see that there was no sign of Risa or Jane.

Dean smiled at her tiredly, moving aside to let her in.

"So, tomorrow's the big day huh?" she asked, flashing him a smile.

"Of course you know, yes. It is."

"Want to share a drink with me?" she asked, twisting the cap off.

"Maybe some."

Kat took a drink before passing it to him. "You know Alyssa's gone right?"

She saw the hardness come back into his eyes. "Did she, really?"

"She's going to try and save him."

Dean scoffed, taking a long drink. "She's should've done that five years ago."

"She's going to die Dean!" Kat snapped. "You could at least respect that much."

"Well good for her. We're all going to die, she'll just be someone half way in the middle." He handed the bottle back, turning away from her.

"She's my friend, Dean," Kat protested softly.

"That was your choice."

She stared at her feet for a moment, the silence weighing heavily between them. Of course Dean would never forgive Alyssa's failure -he hadn't forgiven Sam's -and now here they were.

"Dean," she said quietly. "I don't want to spend today fighting. I want to spend it getting drunk and being with you."

"Why don't you just go see Cas?" he asked flippantly, still not looking at her.

If there was anything left of her heart, she would have been surprised as she shrugged the pain away bitterly. "Because I don't want to see him."

"Cas says his drugs are better than any alcohol you can find," he added.

"I don't want to be stoned, Winchester!"

"You just want to be careless enough to die, huh?" he asked dryly, turning to look at her then. "You're supposed to lead them. But you'll barely be functioning so I guess it'll be Risa's job tomorrow."

Kat flinched, biting her suddenly trembling lip. It was too late for tears. She swallowed them back with difficulty. "Then that will be Risa's job."

Silence settled again, heavy and unmoving as Kat fought to control her emotions and to keep herself from lashing out at the man she had once loved. She couldn't definitively say that she still loved him, but she did care about him.

"Why are you still here?" he asked tiredly.

"Because I'm here for you." She smiled wryly, handing him the bottle back.

Dean raised a brow almost skeptically as he took a quick swig. "Did you steal this from supplies again?"

"Yup."

"You know Chuck hates that."

"And Chuck knows that since he published that book that we don't get along," Kat replied with a grin. "A little fear is useful. Besides, it's our last day on earth isn't it? Shouldn't we drink it away and spend the night in each other's arms?"

"If we drink all this, we'll be out cold come morning."

"Good stuff, isn't it?" Kat asked with a grin. "It's not the very best, just second rate, in case we win tomorrow. Got to have something to celebrate with."

"Will there even be anything to celebrate if we won?" he asked quietly. He swallowed a mouth before handing it back to her.

"Sure there will be. We could... celebrate us. Or the blue sky, or the harvest or sex, or something. You know?"

"You sound just like Cas," he laughed.

Kat took a long mouthful that time, feeling the familiar burn down her throat. She sounded nothing like Cas. "Yeah, sure." She handed him the bottle back.

"Any excuse is a good excuse for a drink between the two of you. I'm surprised you don't spend more time with him."

Because if she spent more time with Cas, she would never see Dean. She would fall into a drunken stupor and live there until she died. She didn't care about the goddamn ex-angel. She cared about the broken man in front of her, the one who was too stupid to fall apart and too smart to think that he would win. Tomorrow they would all die, and here they were sitting taking of celebrations that would never come. Here they were, together and yet divided. She leaned over, kissing him carelessly. Here they were, the same as they had always been. Two idiots, one heartsick and the other just three quarters stupid. She had run the first time and now here he was, running away from whatever they might have had. It felt a good deal like someone had cursed them to this stupidity and heartbreak, even as the clothes went flying and the bottle tumbled from its stand.

No one cared, because no one had any energy left to care. But they would try.

And they would fail, and they would die.

The world had already ended. Lucifer was just waiting for the last great stand of humankind. And tomorrow, at sunrise, it would look like humanity's most pitiful and broken crawling their way through a dead city to meet the fallen angel and die at his hands. And there would never be another tomorrow.

* * *

Now You're Gone

Alyssa made it problem free to the mansion. There wasn't a croat in sight, which led her to believe that _he_ was prepared for Dean's assault tomorrow. Even as she moved around the side, to the garden she had been dreaming about for what seemed like years, she knew that one of the infected could kill her so easily. But she just… she needed to see him. Not Lucifer, but Sam. And tomorrow the world would either start anew or it would die, with or without her. This would be Dean's battle, tomorrow. But tonight, it was her battle.

She settled on the stone path, following it unarmed to the mansion. She saw _him_, dressed in a pure white tuxedo, no dirt or blood staining it anywhere. He looked better than she had seen anyone look in years. But then again, this was all façade -this wasn't really Sam. Sam was somewhere inside, screaming and raging in mental exhaustion as Lucifer swallowed the world. Did he even know that the other angels had left? What did he know of them and their plans? Based on how there wasn't a single croat around, she was guessing that he had to have had some inkling that they were coming.

Lucifer walked out of the doors, a flood of infected at his heels, stopping before the door as they stared out at her.

"Why hello," Lucifer said, amusement in his voice as he looked at her. "Can I help you with anything?"

"I want to talk to _him_," she replied, her voice quaking.

"I'm sorry, he's a bit busy at the moment. Anything else?"

"Please," she asked softly, her voice breaking.

"He doesn't want to talk to _you_," Lucifer replied gleefully. "You failed him, you know. You wouldn't even come _see_ him -you were too scared. Well, now I'm here and you really have reason for it."

"I was scared for him!" Alyssa cried out, staring into his eyes. She wanted to see the cruelty, the malice and the hatred -she didn't want to see Sam but that was all she could see. He was all… Sam, but he wasn't at the same time. And it was confusing and her heart ached and tears swelled to her eyes. "I failed him and I'm sorry! I want him to know that!" The desperate note in her voice shook and then held, even as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

She thought she had cried herself out ages ago, with her crooked arm and the hatred of everyone in the world on her. No one knew why Sam said yes, whether it was because he gave up or Lucifer forced him to say yes, but they did know that Alyssa was supposed to have been there, was supposed to make him say no and save him from Lucifer in the end. How that would ever crush Lucifer, she had no idea, but that was the idea.

"Is that all?" Lucifer asked coldly, his eyes mirthless and without mercy. It struck a chilling fear in her body, paralyzing her to the spot even as he reached towards her, a smile spreading across his lips.

"Yes," she whispered quietly even as his hand wrapped around her throat.

And for a moment, as she watched his eyes she swore she could see Sam there, fighting a losing battle as the hand around her neck tightened. Sam would never forgive her, of course. She hadn't just failed him, she had failed Dean and the world and her pain and suffering was well-deserved. She didn't need the whispers in the dark of the night to tell her that much.

* * *

Alyssa woke up with a gasp, her hand going to her neck where she could swear she still feel the cold fingers of the Devil himself. Death had wrapped her in a cold embrace indeed, splattering her dream into a nightmare painted red with death and hatred. She swallowed tightly, feeling the hatred and fear recede deep within her mind. If she had not been awoken just from a nightmare, she would have realized that she was still dreaming, just a different kind of dream -because her body was asleep on a very uncomfortable couch back in Minnesota and not on this heavenly feather bed.

"You can still save him," drawled an unfamiliar voice.

Alyssa flew into an upright position, casting around in the dark for the source of the speaker. "Wh-what?!"

"You can still save him. He is not so unsaveable as all that. If you are with him in Detroit, when he goes, if you understand him and love him, you will go. If you still fear him, harbor a grudge... he will not be saved. There will be no chance for the earth if you do not go with him, understanding and accepting him."

"Who are you?" she demanded, her voice shaking as she looked around desperately.

"A friend. An enemy. I am many things and yet none. I can see your dreams, your thoughts and your feelings. You are a peculiar human being, Alyssa Jones. Do not be so close-minded out of fear. You will see the Winchesters soon again, so be patient and think on what I have told you. No one can make you feel anything other than what you truly feel, no matter what a voice whispers in the dark of the night..."

Alyssa came to in the half-light of an apartment flat, lying on a stiff and uncomfortable couch, her heart pounding in her chest. Could what she have seen come true? If the voice spoke the truth... what if it was just another dream? She asked herself as she sat up, placing her hand over her heart. It felt too real to be a dream. There was something... eerie about it. She would not dismiss such a sign, much as she would not dismiss Cas' words from her mind. She had failed, yes, but perhaps she still had a chance. And she was afraid of Sam, and hurting, but that was within her right to feel wounded by his words. She should go and see him, talk to him...

Her nature wasn't one that inclined her to run from her feelings. Running away never helped anything, she had learned when she was just a child and scared of the dark. She had fled the darkness until it caught up with her, overwhelmed her and left her in tears but stronger. Whatever frayed and tattered threads kept her friendship to Sam, she did at least owe him a heart-to-heart. They had always been friends, it felt like and although she had feelings towards him it did not mean he was obligated to have those same feelings towards her.

If she followed him to certain death, then she was doing it of her own accord.

A chilling calm washed over her, as the voice of that... man, washed over her once more. No, he could not make her do anything or feel anything, but between him and that dream -Alyssa was quite sure that ignoring it would lead her to that very same place. She exhaled several times before resigning herself to restlessness as she rose to her feet and made a strong cup of tea. She needed a lot of time to figure a few things out. It was just a dream at least. A dream that she never wanted to see come to pass.

Absently, she rubbed her arm -good and whole, useful, not dangling limply at her side. She looked at her phone, considering sending a message to Kat before deciding against it. The other woman had been busy lately, helping out with Bobby and some hunters that were being more rowdy than usual. Alyssa sighed shakily. It was just a dream, she told herself fervently. Just a nightmare.


	19. Kidding Ourselves, so Johnny Falls

Kidding Ourselves

It had been two months that Kat was looking after Bobby's place, answering the phone and helping out. She went out on the occasional ghost hunt but there were more pressing matters at hand. She heard about Bobby's adventure with death, and Dean's own touch with old age but she still hadn't seen him or spoken to him. Somehow, Bobby always answered the phone when it was either of the Winchesters calling. Until about two months later, when they and the Harvelles showed up. Alyssa was with them, of course, having been helping out on their hunts here and there.

It meant a lot of hugs and laughter, from the women and the men. Even the angel the were toting along with them, for as much fun as he was. And somehow or another, the night moved along and Sam was sitting on a chair, alone in the kitchen with a bottle of beer while Alyssa hovered just behind him. In the dining room, Ellen and Cas were having a drinking contest, monitored by Jo.

And for some reason, Bobby wheeled away to go and speak to Sam and suddenly Dean and Kat were alone. For the first time in a year, maybe even longer than that. And against all reason, Kat suddenly found it hard to talk as Dean sauntered over to her. She knew that cocky step and that smug confident smile, but she also knew the haunted look in his eyes -it was in hers too.

"Hi," she said. Of all the things she could have said to him, hi was not at the top of her list. So of course it was the piece that just tumbled out.

Dean smirked, as if he knew damn well that it wasn't what she had meant to say. "It's nice to see you walking proper."

"It's nice to be _upright_ again," she replied with a smirk in his direction. "So how's it feel to be alive again, Winchester?"

A dark shadow crossed over his face. "A hell of a lot better than being dead."

And then he was there, right in front of her and she reached out, her hand on his chest, above his heart. Suddenly, his arms were around her, pulling her close to him. It was hard to breathe, as she stood there, inhaling his scent, remembering him and longing for him. She had grieved his death and he had grieved hers, but here they stood, entwined and together for this moment. His lips crashed onto hers and she kissed him back, her arms going around him -and then, all too soon, he was pulling back, that cocky smirk still in place.

"You're such an ass," she told him, breathless as she scowled in his direction.

"Ah you missed me, just admit it."

"Pfuh, not now I won't."

"Oh come on, that had to be the best "it's good to see you again" conversation ever exchanged."

"Oh you wish!" she laughed, elbowing him good-naturedly.

That night, neither of them would be sleeping inside the house. And they certainly wouldn't be sleeping alone either. Kat knew it from the way his eyes sparked, from the fact that it could be their last day together and from the way that he was looking at her. Not that much different could be said of her, and how she was looking at him, watching where his shirt hugged his muscles and remembering all the times before now. Kat flashed him a wicked grin, her eyes dancing even as Bobby called them all together.

Sam stood with one arm on Dean, who had his arms around Ellen and Kat. Kat was grinning as she always did, wicked humor dancing in her eyes as she rested her forearms on Bobby's shoulders. Jo between her mother and Alyssa; Alyssa was in front of Sam and Cas, standing there awkward and stiff until Jo murmured something in her ear and she laughed.

* * *

"You don't have to hover," Sam told her softly.

He had gone to get another beer for himself, as Kat and Dean snuck out to go find their usual spot in the junkyard. Alyssa had been hovering near him all night and he was tired of waiting for her to say something. Guilt tugged in his chest, an all too familiar feeling as he turned to her. He remembered what he had said to her, and from the way her big blue eyes were on him, she remembered too.

"I-I know. I just…" she shrugged, shyly, looking away from him.

"I'm sorry, for what I said." But there lay the problem, he was immensely sorry for it but he still hadn't figured out why he said it. She had seemed so infuriating at that moment, but he could still remember the concern in her eyes that was replaced by a hurt he wasn't sure he could apologize for. "I didn't mean it. I was just… I was frustrated and I was being an ass. And there's… there's… I'm so sorry, Alyssa."

He could at least try and make things right between them. He would never have that chance with the rest of the world -he had made his bed and was lying in it now. But maybe he could have a chance with her, to at least repair their relationship to friend status. If she was willing. He was probably one of the worst friends she could ever have, considering how he had failed her. On more than one occasion.

"It's okay," she said, smiling with relief.

"No, it isn't, but thank you."

"Just… it… it wasn't you, who said that. It means… it means a lot," Alyssa said hesitantly, looking back up at him with a small smile.

"I didn't mean it," he repeated, smiling hesitantly. "I'm so sorry."

She threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly and almost desperately. Slowly, he put his arms around her, holding her close. How she could forgive him, he wasn't entirely certain. But something that he had been holding back slipped through, and he relaxed just a little more in their embrace. She had to have known that he was the one who let the Apocalpyse start, but she was still here, still hugging him. Like Dean and like Bobby. But she didn't seem to be concerned about telling him how he had screwed up. Maybe she was just that grateful for them to be reconciled.

She pulled back slowly, blushing faintly. "I've… I've missed you. I thought maybe… you might have been upset, about the whole… I wasn't sure if it was you speaking or…"

"It wasn't me," he told her gratefully. "It wasn't me."

Johnny Falls

Kat went with them to Carthage, sitting in the back of the Impala. Alyssa rode with the Harvelles and their lucky angel. Dean hadn't really expected to be able to convince Kat to not go, but he had tried for all it was worth, and yet she was still sitting comfortably in the back of the Impala. Alyssa had spent the last three years or so with the Harvelles; she wasn't going to abandon them now. Although Kat did wonder if her friend had another reason as well, but she didn't ask. Alyssa's reasons were her own. And they had bigger things to worry about.

When they met back up, after checking the town for survivors and the police department for information, Meg stood at the end of the street with her hell hounds…

Jo ran first. Young and headstrong and putting her feelings before the job, she ran back for Dean. Kat was hot on her heels, trying to keep the hounds back even as Dean scrambled to his feet and scooped up the bleeding girl and the seven of them ran back for the safety of the nearest store.

Kat knew the stinging pain of loss quite well. Sam and Dean walked that path so many times there no end to the grieves they could list. Ellen had seen too much of it. As Kat looked at the dying girl, she felt her heart go out for her. Jo should have lived longer, a lot longer. But hunting was never safe, and with Lucifer walking around… things were turning uglier by the second. They all knew it, but no one said a thing. Even as Alyssa kneeled next to her friend, holding her hand and talking softly to her. Kat turned away, walking to the back of the store to put some distance between them, to hide her sorrow in privacy. Jo would die and there was no telling who else would be next.

Following orders was something they knew how to do. They spent the remaining daylight building a bomb for Jo. Alyssa was close to useless. And when Ellen sent them away, it was Sam who pulled her away and carried her out over his shoulder. This was Alyssa's first time seeing war. Kat seen enough battles over the years, older ones of terror and fear, feelings she was accustomed to keeping under lock and key. She had also seen the memories and torments of old wars when ghosts passed away, peacefully or violently -the more stronger ones typically left an impression behind. Sam and Dean had been fighting this war for a year already. But this could be the ending, hopefully.

"Take her," Sam pleaded, looking at Kat as the bomb went off -taking the store out and Ellen and Jo too. Alyssa was devastated in his arms, numb and trembling.

Kat wanted to say no on principle, but she saw Dean look between the two of them and she knew. This wasn't her fight. She pulled Alyssa to her, grabbing her wrist and shifting their rifles around before heading back to leave town. Alyssa was in no shape to fight, she would just get herself killed like this. Sam and Dean knew it too. And although she begrudged the girl her foolishness, she understood that Ellen and Jo had been like family to her. Grief could tear a person apart so easily.

She was halfway back to the cars, could see both of them as she dragged Alyssa with her.

"Oh no, no, no. This just won't do."

She whirled, gun in hand to face the speaker. But she never came face-to-face with the man, instead receiving a blow to the side of her head that left her more than just dazed. The gun was ripped from her grasp and shoved into her stomach and she fell to her knees, winded. The third strike fell on her back, the end of her rifle driving her to the soaked ground. She heard Alyssa fumble, heard the rifle fire and the bullet ripped through empty space and then her friend was crying out, voice suddenly muffled and then there was silence as blackness swamped her vision with a final blow she didn't even feel.

* * *

Kat came to when she was being carried in Dean's arms, tucked into the back of the Impala next to him as Sam got into the driver's seat. They didn't ask where Alyssa went and her throat tightened as she thought that they might think that the innocent hunter had done this to her.

"Aly's ki-kidnapped," she croaked. "A demon took her. Bastard got me by surprise."

She heard Sam sharp inhalation.

"What would a demon want with _her_?" Dean asked.

Kat wasn't sure if Alyssa was meant to be offended by that, or if the demon who took her should have been.

"Didn't Castiel say something? About her having failed? Maybe they took her to make sure she couldn't succeed," Sam offered quietly. "This day just keeps getting worse. She shouldn't have come."

"No, she shouldn't have," Dean agreed tiredly.

Kat tried to move her aching head, to find that Dean helped her so she was laying with her head on his lap. "She h-had every right," she mumbled.

"But we should have known something would happen."

"No," Kat argued, exhaustion eating away at her. "We made a stand today, and it failed, and we lost J-Jo and Ellen and fuck it, we tried. We'll try again."

"No," Dean said quietly. "Not you."

"You can't make me stay away," she growled, trying to put as much force behind it as she could manage. It probably sounded about as scary as nine week old kitten growling at it's brother. "If I want to fight, I have every right. This is so much bigger than you guys alone."

"Kitty, no," Dean said firmly. And if she wasn't mistaken, she could hear the humor in his voice, the smile tugging at his lips even as Sam started the Impala and drove away from Carthage.

They drove to Bobby's; each of the Winchesters took a turn sitting with her, keeping her talking. Her coherence gradually improved, much to her relief and probably theirs too. When they got there, the first thing Kat did was take a drink in memory of their lost friends before she started looking for Alyssa Jones' whereabouts. But there wasn't a trace of her. The police were still out looking for her, and when she saw the picture they had for her, she was genuinely surprised.

Alyssa had light brown blondish hair and sweet blue eyes, a tender smile. She shone with hope and dreams, beauty within and out. There was a certain lightness around her, as though there was nothing wrong in the world and she didn't have a care about any of it. The woman she knew now, didn't have that same easiness to her, instead something more shadowy lingering with her. But being hunted and hunting could do that to a person.

She joined the men as they threw the picture into the flames, watching as they licked it up eagerly. She felt her heart ache for her lost friend and her grief. For the loss of Ellen and Jo and the pain the three men around her had. Kat had never known the Harvelles all the well, only long enough to stop in for a drink and some information on ghost hunts. She had known Ash the best and he was just ash on the wind, somewhere in the world.

* * *

_And here is where I start deviating and playing with plot and having more fun. _

_Any guesses on who Alyssa's kidnapper is? ;) _


	20. It Ends Tonight

Nothing went according to any plan they made. Kat left the Winchesters to their devices, sticking closer to Bobby and helping out where he needed her and where the rest of the world needed their best ghost hunter. Kat was used to that. However, it was what she had picked up as something of a side hobby that made her days different. And it was today's "guest" that made things especially different. When she was leaving a house, all nice and clean of spirits, she would pick up a demon. The nearest one to her that she could identify. Sometimes they were tips from the city folk, sometimes they were just conveniently there, and sometimes it was a tip off from other hunters.

She had been doing this for nearly a month and a half and had taken in "three" guests. She asked them a few questions, gave them delusional hopes, and then she crushed it with an exorcism. Someone had taken her friend, and she wanted to know who and why. Sam and Dean were busy with angels on their backs and demons crippling them every step of the way -she avoided brining up what had happened at Carthage as much as she wanted to. She had seen them only last week when they stopped by to meet up with Cas their half-brother and hadn't that day just been peachy-keen.

It was their fate to deal with the collapsing world. It was Kat's to clean up the little forgotten messes and keep children and families safe from evil spirits. That was her place in this world. She had accepted it. Dealing with angels and everything else that the Winchesters were coping with -was way too much for her. Leaping around in time, both to the future and to the past, and dealing with angel-assassins… No.

This was a lot easier to work with. Holy water and salt were the only items she used for these pleasant little chats. It wouldn't hurt the host. Their lips might be just a little dried out, but they wouldn't be thirsty at least. It was her fourth guest that proved the most useful.

"Alyssa Jones!" he shrieked, flinging himself away from the glass of water -not that he was able to move very far away, considering he was tied to a chair and there was a Devil's Trap drawn around him. "I know where she is! I know who has her!"

"Who?" Kat demanded coldly, watching the demon wriggle. Her heart leapt from her chest in hope, and she could only pray that he wasn't going to crush them. She shouldn't have let the hope start, probably but it was too late now.

"C-Crowley!"

Two Months Earlier

Alyssa woke up slowly, turning slightly. The bed sheets whispered with her movement, sliding across her skin and she sat up. Golden silk sheets fell back with her movement, lying harmlessly on the very comfortable bed. Uneasiness crawled over her flesh, leaving a ridge of Goosebumps in their wake as she got out of bed. The plush carpet beneath her feet was a deep maroon, helping brighten the beige walls with the one lamp that was at the other side of the room. A gigantic wardrobe sat in the corner, nearly ominous in its presence it hardly dwarfed the room. She set a hand on her bare arm, looking around to find her jacket freshly cleaned and hanging on the back of a chair next to a matching desk.

This place was not normal. It was nowhere she had ever been, nowhere she would ever stay. This was far too rich and expensive for her. And then the door was opening, wide and silent as bright light spilled into the room. An average sized man walked in, his hair receding and wearing a very fine black suit and he had to be the owner of this fine place.

"Well let's just get this out of the way shall we?" he drawled, his eyes flashing black.

With a shriek she drew back from him, desperately looking around for a weapon she could use but there were none in her reach.

"Really, do they always have to be this melodramatic? I'm wounded."

"What do you want with me?" Alyssa whimpered, drawing back. "D-don't touch me!" she cried out as he took a step towards her.

"Trust me sweetheart, you're not my type," he replied, bending down so they were eye level.

"Then why am I here?"

"Let's just call it… insurance. A back-up plan."

"Back-up plan?" she repeated numbly, staring at him.

"Don't fret the details, darling," he said, getting back up to his feet. "Now we don't have time for all this nonsense. You're to remain here, if you need anything... don't. We'll feed you, three meals a day. You have a comfy bed... What more could you ever ask for?" He flashed an insincere smile at her.

"I'll go crazy!" she protested. There would be nothing to do but count... ceiling tiles or something. "You can't lock me in here!"

"Oh trust me, I can and I have. Ta-ta." He walked out the doors and it was with heavy finality that they slammed together, Alyssa staring at them brokenly.

She was going to die. She didn't know why, or what for, what she had even done... but that man, that demon, would kill her. The knowledge alone was enough to drive her mad with fear. But she wasn't going to let it overpower her.

Within three days, she realized how utterly alone she was. Jo and Ellen were gone. From what whispered conversation she had overheard from her guards, Dean and Sam had made it out alive. No word on Kat. Demons weren't interested in ghost hunters. She wiped at her eyes, perched on her bed. There was nothing she use as a weapon, nothing handy, nothing iron. Nothing that would do a lot of damage. She could try ripping her wardrobe apart, but she expected that it would do more damage to her. Her window was sealed tight. The door was locked except for when food was delivered and there were two guards at hand all hours of the day.

* * *

Two Weeks Ago

Alyssa was beginning to fear that she was losing her mind when she heard the sound of fighting. Loud cries, death screams, that howling whoosh of a demon fleeing the scene... And then there was silence as blood pooled under her door. She crouched behind the bed. This wasn't... Something was going on. The door flew open and an unfamiliar woman strode in, her dark hair a mess, old blood dried into her hair, fresher blood staining her shoes.

She heard the chuckle, felt the demon grab her by the scruff of her neck and hauled her out from her hiding place.

"Well, well, well. Alyssa Jones, isn't it?" She smirked, eyes flashing black. "My, how _good_ it is to see you again."

"Wh-who are you?"

"Oh you don't remember me? I'm so hurt." She pouted, and Alyssa frowned blearily up at the woman -yelling out when the demon slammed her knee into her gut. "We had so much fun last time." A second blow followed, stealing the breath from her lungs. The demon let her fall. "You were so worried about little Sammy, knew it wasn't really him... You know, some people were _real_ upset when they didn't get to see you."

Alyssa coughed weakly, attempting to move away but her body wouldn't cooperate.

"Name's Meg, you know, the one the one that possessed Sammy and tried to kill you?" She grinned down at her. "They didn't believe me, when I said I'd found you. But here you are."

"What do you want?" she groaned.

"Oh I just want my reputation back. _He's_ the one who wants you," she laughed delightedly.

Meg hauled her from the mansion effortlessly, and from her position, Alyssa was able to see that the building was burning to rubble. There were some other demons with this one, stoic and average as they trailed after them. Alyssa didn't fight. It didn't save her any pain though, as the demons made sure to have their fun with her as they hauled her around. They'd drop her on occasion trod on her frail, exhausted body at every chance they got -and they made sure that she never really got all the sleep she needed. The car rides were heaven; the most comfortable that she ever got with her hands tied back and two demon guards on either side of her -but they let her rest up under Meg's command. Apparently, whoever they were going to go and see was someone that wanted her in one functioning piece. She got her first night of undisturbed sleep in two days.

And it was as blissful as it could get, minus the fact that she was being kidnapped again and was surrounded by demons taking her someplace unknown where she could very well end up dying. Demons were bad news. But the exhaustion and stress were too much for her, and she fell asleep. She slept most of the next day away too, only waking up at a rough prod where a boxed sandwich and a bottle of water were rudely shoved into her hands. She ate like a starved woman and downed the water before dozing back off. She considered using a bathroom break for an escape run, but something told her that Meg wouldn't be letting her out of her sight. The attempt at an escape run might result in things far more unpleasant than what she was already enduring.

The car pulled up outside a very fancy condominium. Alyssa was dragged outside, stumbling along after her man-handler as she was dragged to an elevator and they went up to the sixth floor. They went down to the twelfth room, where Meg shoved the door open and hauled Alyssa in after her. The place was tidy to the point that it almost looked unlived in. There was a huge flat screen tv plastered against the wall, the volume low enough that all she could hear was the dim beat of music and indistinct voices.

"What on -?" a man's voice came, and Alyssa could hear the tv flick off as a chair creaked and an all-too-familiar face reappeared.

She gasped, staring at Tyson Brady. She saw shock and wonder cross his face, and then he grinned. He glanced at Meg.

"What's this all about now?"

"Your deal," she replied, smirking, her hand tightening around Alyssa's arm. "I've delivered. You got the supply ready?"

"Of course. It'll be done as soon as needed."

"_He_ wants you to start shipping whether or not your master is ready."

"Oh definitely. I'll have them out tomorrow," he grinned, turning his gaze back to her. There was a solid wave of panic fighting in her stomach, threatening to claw its way out already. "Now, let me see my pretty little girlfriend. It's been so long," he crooned, stepping towards her, wearing that arrogant grin.

Alyssa didn't even stop to think about it. It was a reaction, more than anything else. To seeing him after all these years. She slapped him as hard as she could, her hand tingling with numbness as she stared into his cold, hard eyes. And then he was chuckling and she watched with growing horror as his eyes flashed black.

"Meg, dear, leave. I can handle her."

"You sure?" There was an almost teasing jibe to that question, barbs buried within it and apparently Brady wasn't the only one who knew it.

"Get out!" he barked.

Alyssa was shoved forward, directly into his grasp as Meg left. And suddenly, she kind of wished that the other woman was back as she struggled in his grasp.

"Stop," he growled.

"How long?" she demanded, still struggling. There was no way. This was the Brady that had hit her. And god, what about her actual boyfriend? The human that was still imprisoned within him? It had been _years_. She felt tears prick the corner of her eyes.

"Since spring break," he replied with a cruel smirk.

"Why?!"

"Well, Sam was getting a little comfy and I needed someone close who could get the deed done. He was growing soft! Between you and that blonde bitch…"

"No," she whispered, almost pleadingly.

"Oh yes," he laughed. "Jess let me in. She had a nice fresh batch of cookies in the oven. For Sam, of course. Always Sam. So I did my good duty, as Sam's friend. She was getting in the way."

"No, B-Brady…"

"Between you and her… well I thought for sure that Sam was going to stick around for you. With your little heartsick puppy eyes you made at him every time and I know he felt the same way. But, wow, he abandoned you. Still, you're a loose end."

"What?" she whispered, her voice cracking as she stepped back from his grasp. "What-what do you mean?"

Brady smirked. "I put the hit out on you, that if anyone found you, to have you arrested and that way I would have enough time to get there. But you got away before I got the chance to show up. Unfortunate, but it happens. And here you are, again, in the flesh. I almost thought you were dead, but I kept hearing all these whispers. With the Harvelles gone, so much easier to find you my dear," he laughed.

"No," she whispered, stepping back further. He followed.

There was no way she was going to die. And there was absolutely no way that she was going to let Brady be the one to kill her. He had killed her best friend and destroyed her life. Sam's too, really. And he didn't even care. As she backed away into the kitchen, keeping one eye on him and watching peripherally to find a weapon of some sort, she realized that the man she had dated and liked if not loved, was still there. She would have to exorcism him in order to save Brady because this man in front of her, although he looked like Brady, definitely wasn't.

But what was she supposed to do about that? A regular exorcism probably wouldn't work. What was she supposed to do? Just kill him? That wasn't something she could accept. _Brady_ was still there. This demon had killed Jess, had hurt her, had cut Sam from her life -but that was the demon and not Brady. What kind of shape would Brady be in anyways, even if they managed to get him out? He had been possessed by a demon for five years, at least. Maybe longer. Was there anything left of Brady?

"Oh this is too precious," he laughed. "You're such a good little girl, Aly, always trying to save people. Really. There's nothing left of Brady, he's a dried out husk. I took what he had to give and then I killed what I didn't need."

"I don't believe you!" she shouted, grabbing the first knife she found. "He's still there."

"Really?" he snorted. "After everything I did, you still want to save him? A knife won't do you any good, unless you're trying to kill him. Because really, that's as good a way to go as any."

"You are not him. Brady was a good man!" she cried desperately.

He laughed. "Really?" He reached around behind her and she skittered out of the way, turning to see the knife he had grabbed. He flashed her an arrogant smirk just as he drove the blade into his own stomach.

* * *

_Sorry for how long it's taken to update. Had some troubles with this chapter. Enjoy!_


	21. Just One Yesterday

_Sometimes I wish I had a beta. It's 3am in the morning here, guys. I'm exhausted. I'm sure there are mistakes. ^_^;_

_Thanks for sticking with me. I would've made this longer but this is... well. It is what it is._

_Been very busy. Now free._

_If you want frequent updates on my writing progress, you can follow me on twitter. I'm Kinthinia. I tweet when I'm writing, frequently. Every Now and Then is #ENAT. _

_Uh yeah, so I hope you enjoy. **Lemme know what you think** and thanks for following/faving and especially reviewing. Reviews mean so much to me. _

* * *

Chapter Twenty-One, Just One Yesterday

She screamed.

Brady -the demon -_it _smirked at her, his eyes flickering back to blue. "Would you feel better if I let you do it next time?" he asked, pulling the blade free as though it didn't hurt. The blood gushed around the wound, his white shirt staining quickly turning red.

And maybe it didn't hurt. Maybe demons felt pain differently. After all, he hadn't even grunted when he stabbed himself. What, did he think he was invincible or something? He turned the knife idly, the blade coated in his blood as he offered the handle to her.

"Seriously, go for it. There's nothing left of Brady in here," he grinned arrogantly. "I know you have a lot of reasons, so if you'll feel better…"

Alyssa took the knife, staring at him as blood stained his shirt. He didn't look like he was in pain. He didn't even look like he cared. And maybe he didn't -why would he? But it was hard, to look into those eyes, to remember how he used to hold her and kiss -that _Brady_ was gone. She had known on one level, after that night she had stayed at Sam's when she knew things would never be the same. She hadn't known that the two weeks prior when she kissed Brady goodbye -she hadn't known that would be the last time. She hadn't _wanted_ to be friends or anything when he came back.

Because he was a different person.

He was a demon. He had killed Jess. He had made her life hell. And he would kill her if it came down to it. All to make sure that Sam played right into his hands -or Lucifer's hands, or whomever's. It didn't really matter, in the end, did it? He wasn't Brady. He would never be Brady, even if Brady miraculously survived.

Her hand shook even as she held the knife. If it was anyone else… no, that shouldn't even matter, should it? Brady wouldn't want to live like this. Being dead would be better. But, god, it had so long… so long. Could killing him be the answer? She didn't think it would do anything. Nothing for her, anyways, that was for certain.

Brady's laughter broke the silence that surrounded her concentration. "You can't even do it can you?"

Could a demon survive without the host's heart? she wondered as she looked up at her ex-boyfriend. No time like the present to really find out, she thought. She tightened her grip on the handle of the cleaver, taking a breath as she solidified that this really was the action she was going to take. And before she could reconsider, she stepped forward and drove the knife into his chest.

He didn't even bat an eyelash. "Oh dear, Aly. Really?" He shook his head, like he was disappointed.

It happened to suddenly for her to really understand what he had done. The first thing she registered was his hand moving and the second was the blur of marble before her head collided with the countertop with a sickening _crunch_ that left her dazed and blinking against blurred vision. She groaned weakly, sitting up straight, turning only to find that his face was _right_ in front of hers as he grinned smugly. He pulled the blade free of his chest.

"I didn't know you liked to play so rough," he teased, but his eyes were black with intent and his voice was rough. "Little Brady never knew what he was missing out on."

And then he smiled, and it was all teeth and anger as he moved in closer to her -and then, a sound that she hadn't realized she would be so grateful to hear in her life as Katy Perry's _Hot and Cold_ blasted through, a trilling ringtone. By the disgust on Brady's face, she safely guessed that the caller was not welcome as he pulled his Blackberry out and answered with a meek "yes sir?"

She took what moments she had to get herself together, ignoring the pounding in her skull even as she could feel the tug of exhaustion weighing on her bones. Having a concussion was definitely not what she needed right now. She set the cleaver on the counter, careless of the blood that spread out over the white marble. Brady was still on the phone but she took a moment of satisfaction at the dirty look he gave her. Stabbing his heart had done nothing. Maybe the person in there was dead already. Which meant that Brady was walking around in a dried out old husk, just like he said. In which case, all she needed to do was to get him out of the body. _Brady_ deserved at least a decent burial.

_Brady_ was not the monster. And god, Sam… what would Sam do when he knew?

"Of course sir," Brady ground out. "Yes sir, gladly -no I wouldn't. I understand. Right away."

With a snap he ended the call and turned to her, his eyes flashing black and panic surrounded her in a terrifying haze as he reached towards her.

"Looks like our rendezvous will have to wait a bit," he sneered as he dragged her out of the house. "I'm needed elsewhere."

Whether it was a blessing or a curse, Alyssa wasn't too sure. But she felt grateful to know that she was going to outlive this moment even as she stumbled after him. A part of her wanted to lay down and have a nap, but the part of that had taken a few medical classes as part of psychiatry knew better than that. Forensic psychiatry hadn't required it, but she took them as elective. _For fun_, she had said at the time. Now that seemed to have turned _for survival_. School wasn't as useless as she had feared it would be. Taking a nap could help her recover _if_ she was concussed; it would also leave her more vulnerable to Brady and whatever else was going on.

So her only option really, was to continue on after her ex-boyfriend as he led her out to the parking lot and to his fancy, expensive convertible. She didn't have to say, didn't even need to think it as the passive-aggressive grin wormed it's way onto her face as he forced her into the passenger door. He didn't hesitate to whack her with his open palm, across her face before locking the doors, walking around, unlocking them and getting in. It was a good idea, except for the part where she wasn't feeling quite up to escaping. Maybe she could have tried. Maybe she could have outrun him, for a while. But he would have found her and dragged her back and that would have been worse than sitting in the car and letting him do whatever he wanted.

Also… it was clear Brady's demon shared some of Brady's issues. Namely being overcompensating for a certain lacking of something on his person.

* * *

One week later.

Kat _had_ gone after the demon Crowley. And she did it without the Winchesters too, but the lead she thought she had turned out to be totally useless because where Crowley had been staying was completely demolished and there was nothing left. She didn't tell the Winchesters what she had found, just like she hadn't told them about Alyssa. It was eating Sam from the inside, but there was nothing he could do about it. Whether or not Kat told him anything was irrelevant. He and Dean had bigger things to worry about and as much as she wanted to, she wasn't going to fail the earth in order to save one person. As much as she _really_ wanted to. Alyssa was far too nice to be dealing with any of this crap but there was just… there wasn't anything she _could_ do for the girl.

Seeing Crowley sitting beside her -she had been given some very detailed descriptors of the English bastard -in the back of the Impala was one of the last things she expected. And she had her knife in hand first, and was moving in on him when he effortlessly blocked her arm and knocked the knife from her hand and it was even harder to regain control as the car swerved and they pulled over.

"Where is she?!" Kat growled, even as Crowley disappeared to outside. She launched out the back door, looking around warily.

"'Fraid I can't help you in finding the darling," he said, all suave charm and sincere smiles. "They burned down my house! They _ate my tailor!_ So forgive me," he ground it out meaninglessly, "for not being more considerate but we've got bigger problems on our plate."

"Like what?" Dean snapped, his attention divided between Sam -who had a gun on Crowley -and Crowley himself.

The arrogant bastard just shrugged, looking at Sam fearlessly. "Gonna put the gun away, moose?"

"Kat, who are you talking about?" Sam asked, even as he kept his gun trained on Crowley.

The demon rolled his eyes exasperatedly. "Honestly, you want the Horsemen and I can get you the next best thing to Pestilence. He's holed up somewhere, I can get you his right hand man." He grinned.

Sam didn't share his humor, although Kat could tell that Dean was seriously considering Crowley's words. And honestly, it wasn't as though they could afford to wait longer on this.

"Kat?" Sam pressed.

She turned to him, glancing at Crowley. What was she supposed to say? It wasn't like Sam hadn't already guessed it. "I was… misinformed that he might be aware of Alyssa's whereabouts," she hedged cautiously.

Crowley chuckled, "Oh I know just where she is." He eyed Sam's gun with disinterest. "Same place as Pestilence's right hand."

The smirk that Crowley gave them was enough for Kat to know he was telling the truth. He had come with a royal flush prepared against their meager two pair. And now that they had laid their cards down, they had nothing in reserve while he had everything. Even if he didn't have a gun, it was like bringing a knife to a gunfight, Kat realized. She watched as Sam put the gun away.

"We lost good people on that suicide run," Sam growled. "What makes this time any different?"

"Satan isn't there," Crowley replied cheerily. "Just a little old CEO and a couple of guards. I'll be needing Dean-o here and we'll break in, deal with Tyson and be right on out with your little old girlfriend."

And that was the plan that Kat and Sam were both forced to agree to as Dean drove off with Crowley. Kat didn't like it. Sam liked it even less. But there really were no alternatives this time.

"He's gonna get himself killed," Sam said softly, staring at the floor of Crowley's shack.

"Dean can handle himself," she replied. "Not to say that he _isn't_ being an idiot… but we have to do this." She set her hand on his back.

"Why didn't you say anything? About Alyssa?"

Kat looked down at him, into his sincere green eyes. She could feel how tense his body was, like he was just waiting to attack something. Guiltily, she looked away. "Because there was nothing you guys could do that I couldn't."

"You had no right," Sam said quietly. "I've lost everyone that was ever important to me."

"You're right. But you're the one who can save the world, not me," she replied carefully.

Dean looked almost sick when he came back, after Tyson was carefully put away in the living room and placed on lock down. Sam was outside, cooling his head off. It wouldn't help. Kat glanced towards the CEO, sitting there so smug despite the blood all over his face.

"He doesn't have her," Dean said, softly. "She's… he gave her to Lucifer."

"What the hell does the Devil need her for?" Kat asked, frowning. "He could be lying."

"He isn't. I checked his place himself. It looks like she was there… there was, Kitty, there was a lot of blood."

Kat bit her lip roughly. "What does this even mean?"

Dean looked almost unsure, setting his hand on her shoulder. "We can't… If we do this, we can get her back."

And so they would have to, as she knew damn well.

* * *

Keeping Kat unaware of his plan was the hard part, Sam knew as he shoved the chair under Dean's door. The second challenge would be to keep her out of the way. Which he accomplished by tricking her into an empty room and using the same trick he had on Dean, with the chair. She unfortunately had a window, but it would take her a little while to get desperate enough to break out that way.

He hurried down to the living room, to where Brady Tyson was tied up. Looking as smug as ever.

"You know, Alyssa _did_ say you were looking a little buffer these days Sam, but wow," he whistled mockingly, "overcompensating for something perhaps? Maybe the lack of women in your life?" He smirked, eyes dancing.

Sam didn't waste his time, punching him in the face. "What the hell did you do to her, you prick?" he growled.

She was possibly okay, but from the signs of blood around Brady's condominium things weren't looking so great. Brady spat out the blood in his mouth, that cocky smirk there. Sam was dying to get Ruby's knife, to kill the sonuvabitch but he would have to wait. At least until he knew what Brady had done to Alyssa. She didn't deserve this, goddammit. She hadn't wanted this life -no one had. But she had a future before all of this. Before Brady.

"Ooh connecting the dots are we?" Brady wheedled. "I introduced you to Jess. Technically I introduced you to her, the little busybody. She couldn't keep her hands to herself, you know? Unfortunately she didn't know how to put her mouth to a better use-"

Sam's fist seemed to do the trick, silencing the demon. "Don't you talk about her that way," he growled. "When you were human -she meant something to you."

Brady scoffed, "So what? She's just a worthless meat suit now."

Sam hit him again, mostly because it made him feel better. God, he couldn't imagine if something happened to her. Not because of him. Alyssa was just so… She was so herself that he couldn't imagine her being any other way. She was his best friend. And he wasn't done trying to patch things up between them. Even if he didn't have anytime left, when he found her. If.

He hadn't saved Jess. Or Madison. He hadn't saved his father. He was unable to save Jo or Ellen and instead left them both to die. Hell, he hadn't even been able to save Dean. And they expected him to stop Lucifer? He was supposed to stop the Apocalypse. And he… he _needed_ Alyssa.

"Then what's she doing at Lucifer's feet?" Dean demanded as he came out to stand by Sam. "I can't make sense of that one."

Brady rolled his shoulders in a poor imitation of a shrug, but it was about all the movement he could accomplish with how restrained he was. "He's probably prepping her for the apocalypse. You know that whole thing for having a viable vessel…"

Sam felt as though the ground had opened up beneath him and swallowed him whole as he stared at Brady.

"It's nothing unusual, really. I mean Nick could contain him, for a little while. But really, his vessel deteriorates exceptionally fast. She won't survive it." He grinned, all teeth.

* * *

"Alyssa Jones, is it?" he inquired, turning to look at her. His flesh looked almost like it was rotting off his own body.

"Y-yes," she offered, uncertain. Brady had sent her along with different demons until she finally wound up with Meg again, a few miles out from Detroit itself. A lot of car riding and no breaks in between.

"You've caused some trouble, it would seem." He smiled knowingly and she suppressed a shudder. "Azazel couldn't stop whining about you. And it would seem that Tyson had similar troubles." He pursed his lips, tilting his head to the side as he examined her from afar.

She couldn't help the shudder that went through her and was grateful he was so much further away.

"Don't worry, child," he crooned softly, stepping towards her. "You want to help Sam right? You want to save him?"

Alyssa nodded fearfully, looking up at him. What was the point in lying now anyways? There was nothing he could gain from her honesty.

"I have a proposition for you." His grin was entirely too predatory for her comfort, but if it could help Sam...

Really, nothing from Lucifer would ever help Sam in the long run. He was more concerned with destroying the earth and human kind in some jealous fight against his brothers and to make a stupid point to his father. But if she could do something, to buy Sam time... they needed whatever help they could get at this point. And from what Crowley had let slip during her captivity, the Winchesters were well on their way with the Horsemen's rings. So all she had to do was give Sam what he needed, really.

"Yes?" she asked, wary.

"Nick here... he's temporary, really. Plan B material. But he's not the only one who's qualified for that position." Lucifer smiled at her, crouching down to ghost his hand over her head. "You're so stubborn," he patted her cheek roughly. Cruelly. "Should we just get to business then?"

"I haven't agreed to your terms."

"I haven't given you any either," he retorted, obviously amused. "There aren't any, really. You can either give me your body or I will kill you."

Alyssa eyed him distrustfully. "Why would I agree to either?" If she accepted... she wouldn't be able to contain him. There wouldn't be enough room for all of his corrupt grace and her battered, tiny soul. He would burn her into a husk. There would be nothing left. Only Sam could do that.

"Death won't be pleasant. But there are things worse than death, of course, if that doesn't scare you. Would you like to be a pitiful historian, watching as I turn this planet into the beauty it was meant to be? Because I can."

Alyssa peered up at him meekly. What was she supposed to do? "Please... I just... Don't kill Sam."

"I wouldn't kill him," Lucifer cooed, nearly sounding reassuring. "I would never kill him."

Asking him to save the planet was pointless. What else - "I want to see my family. I want to tell them that I was -am- innocent. You know when Sam's coming, right? I can be back before then. You can -you can _have me_ for that. Just... let me see my family."

Lucifer smiled, but it never touched his eyes. "I can do that."

Even as she was bustled into a car by Meg, who was grimacing the whole time, Alyssa was desperately trying to come up with some way to get Sam out of this situation. To get the world out of it. If Lucifer were to use her... She didn't want to think about the consequences even as the images ran unbidden through her mind. Like a scripted play, Sam would surrender and give in, perhaps thinking it was really her. But then, with Satan's penchant for pride, he couldn't stand to do something as ridiculous. He was the wounded brother, the one fighting to fix the world as he saw fit. Lucifer would never pretend to be her. But the illusion could be enough. If Sam still had feelings for her, of any kind. If Sam was clinging onto his guilt then they were all going to lose.

But there had to be something. Something they hadn't thought of before. Some way that she could help them. Even as they drove down the freeway towards her hometown, she tried to think of a solution. Because she was _not_ going to be the reason that humanity died. They could still stop it. Right? Crowley had said that the Winchesters might be able to do it, that they had a plan courtesy of an archangel. God -if he was still with them at this point -was with them. The world couldn't end.

But it could and it was an all too terrifying reality as Meg bustled her onto a plane, ignoring the scandalized looks and the security. She neutralized them. With too much force. Alyssa let herself be dragged along, wearily accepting that if she did make it out from this, the world would probably think she was a terrorist. Which was worse than being a murderer, really. By a long shot.

When Meg's attention wasn't entirely focused on her, Alyssa managed to "borrow" her neighbour's cell phone. She would need to do some research. Lucifer could be as certain as he wanted of the outcome -and maybe that was a weakness, some way to get to him. Abruptly, there was a flash and the airplane jostled violently in sudden turbulence that sent Meg flying as she clung to her seat.

And when she turned, she spotted Castiel sitting next to her. He glanced towards where Meg was and then leaned over to Alyssa. He whispered, barely able to be overheard over the low murmur of passengers. Her eyes widened and he was gone in another flash and she cried out as turbulence hit again. Meg glowered, taking her seat next to Alyssa. She knew that Meg could ask, but she wouldn't tell her. Or anyone else what Castiel had said. Meg could torture her, but then she would be defying Lucifer's orders and if there was one thing Meg wouldn't do, it would be to defy her father.

Lucifer as a father was a ridiculous concept entirely. But no more crazy than what the angel had said.

_"You can save him. Just say yes, when it's time, and jump._"

Just... let go.

Would Sam hate her, she wondered. Dean wouldn't. Kat couldn't. But Sam might. She smiled weakly to herself. But he would be alive and so would everyone else. If what Castiel had said was true...

If was good.

Alyssa leaned back in her seat, smiling. She could do that.


	22. Victoriam Speramus

_"So you gotta promise me something... You gotta promise: you're not gonna try and get me back."_

_"No, no way!"_

_"Dean… it's too dangerous. You can't go poking around -we can't risk it."_

_"Then what am I supposed to do?"_

_"Go, just leave. Get out of here for awhile -you said you wanted to go to Amsterdam? Then go. Take Kat with you. Live _your _life, Dean. I'm not saying you can't hunt; I'm just saying…"_

_"Don't save you," the older Winchester supplied, his voice tightly coiled with tension and reluctance._

_"Promise me, Dean."_

Kat stared at the back of Dean's seat, still pretending to be asleep. It was too dark for the brothers to really notice, especially with the emotional tension clouding the air. Sam was going to die. And he wanted to die. Some heroic martyr who was repenting for all of his mistakes. God, it was so stupid, but it was so Sam. Losing Sam a second time would kill Dean; from what she could gather about the first time it technically had. Dean _could_ imagine what torment they would put Sam through; Dean would know. He wouldn't with absolute clarity, but he would have a damn fine picture in his head that would drive him over the ledge too.

Amsterdam and one Katherine Calloway couldn't stop that from happening. Unless, maybe… Kat frowned intensely. There might be something she could do, but she had no idea if it would even work. And actually bringing it up with either of these mules would be stupid. They were both too self-sacrificing plus Sam had already made up his mind. If she asked Dean, it would be like asking him which arm he wanted sawed off. His answer would have been immediate, neither. Who did Dean want to lose -Kat or Sam? Same answer. The only solution Dean would be happy with would be if he didn't have to lose anyone. And honestly, Kat understood that.

She understood it in the same way she knew Sam's trip to Hell would destroy Dean. Sam was trying to ensure that there would be something left of Dean. Kat loved both of them. Sam was like her own brother, and she knew how ingrained it was in Dean to keep Sam safe. She also knew there was no way she could ever tell Dean what she was planning. Besides, there was no way to know if it would work or not.

She glanced over at Castiel. He might know, might be able to tell her how effective or ineffective the particular spell _was,_ but he was too socially awkward and too logical. He wouldn't see why she wasn't telling Dean or Sam, and somehow it would come out, mostly because Castiel didn't understand why it should be kept a secret. She wouldn't have either of the brothers supporting her in this. Dean would ask her to teach _him_ the spell or something equally ridiculous.

And, again, considering this wasn't some regular demon, she had no idea if it would work. One of the cases she'd worked on with her mother, involved a witch and her demon-possessed girlfriend. They hadn't made it to the town in time to save the girlfriend, but the witch had come up with a solution. She transferred the demon into her own body, and while it had saved her girlfriend, it left her with the demon permanently locked into her body. Janine had killed her. Unlike with most spells, the demon hadn't been able to escape and was still trapped to her body even as they burned it. The downside was, the caster became the mandated host, and there was no removing the demon once it was placed in. Lucifer wasn't exactly a demon; he did need permission from his vessels, like all angels did. Trying couldn't hurt anyone. She knew their plan anyway, and the only thing that would be worse would be not trying.

Sure, it would blindside both of the Winchesters. But they could never hate her for it. Or say that they couldn't understand her reasoning behind this decision. Because they would both know, that she would rather not see either of them dead.

And not Dean, not after… there were only so many pieces a girl could put back together. But some pieces would be shattered, left broken and abandoned and she would never be able to put Dean back the way he was if Sam went through with his plan. She would be there for him though, even if it killed both of them. Dean was going to need someone, whether her plan worked or not. She was better than no one, but she wasn't Sam. And she never would be; they were brothers, and they had no one else in this world, really. Bobby, herself and Alyssa -assuming she was still alive, and Satan hadn't stolen her soul, of course.

Chapter Twenty-Two, Victoriam Speramus

Alyssa wasn't sure how long it had been since she said yes. She felt none of the cravings Lucifer indulged her with, mainly the demon blood. It felt as though she had dozed off too long and was floating in dreamland. Sometimes, rarely, there was the burning flare of addiction that had her marching to the nearest sycophant and draining him dry as though she were a vampire. Meg was always nearby with some sort of triumphant grin on her face. A very small part of Alyssa would be glad to see Meg next on the list of demons to be sucked dry.

She felt Lucifer's mirth bubbling and coiling around her like oil on water. Only, Lucifer's oil was floating and Alyssa kind of felt like she was drowning, and there was nothing she could do about it. As a plan B, Lucifer had no problem giving her gifts. Like the visit with her family. She got the chance to tell them the truth; about how she had never murdered Jessica. She got to hug them and hold them and cry. She got to be with them one last time.

But she kept Castiel's words in mind, and there was something about that trip on the plane that stood out to her. Maybe it was because Meg never seemed to suspect anything, maybe it was due to the turbulence, or perhaps it had something to do with the angel, himself, but… there was something unusual about their encounter. She didn't analyze it too closely though, because she was more preoccupied with what was going to happen to her when she said yes.

They flew back to Detroit where Lucifer was waiting. Sam had never showed up, as near as she could tell anyways. She barely had the chance to agree before he was forcing his grace into her body, and it was agony. The white hot flare of feeling his consciousness overwhelming hers; he shoved her aside brutally, stretching out and taking over. She didn't fight. She sat down and curled up in the small corner that was hers, where she was out of his way. He was not concerned with her even as they headed toward the cemetery where Michael was going to be. She knew nothing of Adam -the youngest Winchester -and she didn't bother to ask or pester about Michael.

Lucifer strode into the cemetery, and she could feel his rage and arrogance settling over her like a prison. She would be unable to do anything, much as she might like to. And then, suddenly, there was a bottle flying through the air and smashing against Michael and he disappeared with a howl of pain. She screamed when Castiel exploded into a gory mess of meat chunks and bone.

Dean stood there, looking apprehensive as Sam came to stand beside him. She could see the determination in his eyes. And she felt Lucifer smirk, his pride boosting as he watched. Alyssa couldn't help but wonder if they had found the body back in Detroit, if they knew she was here. If they knew she was _still_ here. 'Had it been like this for Brady?' she wondered, horrified as she relived the scene of his stabbing.

"Alyssa?" Sam asked softly, gazing at her with those gentle eyes she loved so much.

Kat was frowning, watching Alyssa suspiciously and Dean looked resigned and so tired. They had to know it was Lucifer. She -he -_they_ had just exploded Castiel into a bloody paste. The Winchesters couldn't not know.

"Why hello Sam," they said with a smile. "Come to say yes? Take her place?"

"Michael won't be gone long," Kat stated, exhaling heavily as she looked at Alyssa with hard eyes.

_I'm sorry_, Alyssa wanted to tell her friend. She stepped forward to where the white hot bars of her prison were. She could feel the rage radiating from them, and she didn't dare touch them. Lucifer said he was freezing cold, but that didn't make his rage any less dangerous. She looked out with her own eyes for a second, seeking Sam. Seeking to reassure him. Whatever Castiel had meant, she would know when it happened. And she could still save Sam. The Winchesters had suffered enough, hadn't they?

This decision was on a global scale. If she took the fall… everyone knew what it would mean. And she was okay with that. She didn't really have anything to live for. She had lost her family because of her non-existent crimes; then the Roadhouse burned down and she lost Ash, and then Ellen and Jo were killed. She had almost gotten the Winchesters killed too. She had been kidnapped and held hostage and now she was Lucifer's meat-suit, standing in the way of her friends. They probably had a plan. A plan she was not part of, and could not be part of either, judging from their looks.

Alyssa smiled wryly to herself from within her cage as she saw the resignation flicker across their faces. The Alyssa they had known was dead. Or so they thought.

_I'm still here_, she whispered quietly. _I'm still here_. And she was, she wasn't dead. She was in her own body with Lucifer. She wasn't currently in control… not yet. Hadn't some others who had been possessed, hadn't they been able to achieve a few moments of clarity? If she could have that… it was all she needed. She peered around, unable to see anything really beyond her cell and the brilliance that was the fallen angel.

"_What_ are you doing?" Lucifer asked, his voice ringing around them. She felt more so than saw the irritation bubbling across his grace and she could almost feel him reaching out, trying to perceive what was happening.

Kat was chanting something, soft and quiet, and then something strange was happening. Alyssa blinked in shock as Lucifer's grace _warped_ as though he was being pulled towards Kat but her friend kept on speaking, more steadily and more confidently. Dean and Sam both looked surprised, stepping away. It was as though fear and concern had wrapped draped themselves over Sam and Dean, leaving them with some trace of hesitance and inaction as their women faced each other down. Alyssa wondered what she looked like to an outsider as she stepped between the widening bars of her prison; even as Lucifer's grace snapped back into place, and she barely avoided his detection.

"You thought that would do something?" the fallen angel growled furiously, and with a wave of his arm, Kat was sent flying.

In the same moment, Bobby fired two bullets into Alyssa's back without hesitating. And she couldn't feel the pain or the burn of it. There was nothing. She was utterly disconnected from her body, and that was awful enough on its own. Lucifer probably didn't feel it either because he was an angel and this was Alyssa's body -it had been since she was born. Maybe she was supposed to feel something, but she didn't want to linger on those thoughts. If she didn't feel the pain, she could do her job here. She looked down, at where she was standing. Only she wasn't physically there; she was just the embodiment of her soul. See-through and lit with golden-white, nothing compared to the angel's brilliance. Red was slowly staining through her golden-white colors, and an awareness that although she might not physically be aware of the pain, it probably wouldn't be much longer until she was.

Lucifer had accepted her offer only because Nick wasn't going to last much longer, but he had known she had accepted with the hopes of fighting. He was either careless or unconcerned about this revelation as he snapped Bobby's neck and threw Dean against the Impala. He didn't touch Sam, even as Sam rushed forward, and Lucifer threw him aside like a ragdoll.

"You gonna say yes Sam?" he snapped. "Because that's the only way your brother won't die. It's the only way I won't kill your girlfriend."

With that statement, a piercing agony shattered through what concentration she had. There were no words to describe the pain.

"Oh yes, she's here." Lucifer cackled at her scream. "She can feel every fucking thing. I can shield her from that, you know. But right now, I opened the barrier just a bit; she can feel that bullet sinking through her soul and shredding it little by little. Can you imagine what it would be like if I let her feel the other one? I was being nice here, Sammy. I can play mean too."

He grabbed at her with his burning hands; the brilliance too much as she was shoved to the forefront of her mind with his hands on her and she screamed in agony. Her body dropped to the ground accordingly, and she could feel -feel the unbearable agony of two bullet wounds and the way her knuckles were swollen and broken from beating on Dean. She wasn't a fighter, but she had learned how to be one; the physical reactions and brute strength that Lucifer used, were beyond her.

"Alyssa," Sam whispered, staring at her, stepping toward her with guilt in his eyes. Lucifer threw her back before she could even react, and he was pinning Dean back against the Impala.

The pain intensified around her as her fingers held Dean down, clenching in a way they could no longer. The pain was excruciating and mind-numbing, shattering what concentration she had as she shoved at Lucifer's brilliance, trying to release her fingers, desperately trying to remove herself of the pain from her broken fingers. It was unbearable and she couldn't help herself as she did everything in her power, in order to lessen the pain. But Sam was rushing towards them then, grabbing Dean and breaking her feeble grasp even as Lucifer grabbed back.

"You want me so bad?!" Sam yelled. "Then let her go!"

"Oh I don't have to do a thing Sam. _You_ just have to say yes. I can give her more pain than imaginable -she's screaming right now, calling out your name. Begging for you to take her place. She can't hold out much longer. Souls are a fragile thing, you know."

_No_.

_No, not… not like this._

She didn't want to die. And she didn't want Sam to take her place. But Sam would never know that -Sam would never know she loved him. Sam would never know how much he meant to her. He would never know that she had since forgiven his cravings, his demon yearning. He hadn't been himself. She never got the chance to say any of that. She never got the chance to really hold him, to tell him how she felt, how she had _always_ felt.

**Shut up**, came Lucifer's resounding voice as he shoved her back roughly.

She was too weak, too dead inside and outside to do hardly a thing. But Lucifer's focus was on her, even as Sam crumpled to his knees, even as he folded and pulled the rings from his pocket. She watched as Dean strode towards them with grim determination, and it was as though death itself had uncurled from his shadow. She could see Kat, struggling towards them as well, miraculously alive. Again. The woman had as many lives as a cat.

Lucifer was still in control and he stepped aside, eyeing the rings distastefully. "You think that'll work? She can't even lift a finger -and you expect she can walk me right into that box?!"

He laughed, the cackle echoing around even as Michael appeared. Alyssa lashed out, desperate, throwing everything she could give to defiance. She wasn't aware that it was her love for Sam, her admiration for Kat, and her wish for them all to live a long healthy, happy lives that thwarted Lucifer. She staggered him for one minute, and she threw more memories against him. Childhood Christmases, dreams of being with Sam and married, dreams of children and a family, and her hopes and wants, and love. Her love for everything and everyone. She loved Sam and Kat, Bobby and Castiel, Jo and Ellen, Ash and Brady. She even loved Dean, in the way that he was a pesky older brother -she wouldn't have minded getting to know him better.

Alyssa basked in the few seconds of memory that were afforded to her as they accosted Lucifer. It was too much for him, the strength of her emotions. She watched as she got her very first bicycle and learned to ride, how she fell and her father helped her back up with a laugh as he wiped away her tears. She watched as her mother made cookies and taught her the special recipe. She could smell the sweet sugars and the melted chocolate, feel the burn of a freshly made cookie.

And then she was in school, and she was minding her own business. She saw Sam, watched him from afar, and paid little notice to his friend, Brady. She remembered the way he looked, with his leather jacket and t-shirts and how he was distant yet approachable. How he smiled at her; the way it made her heart beat faster and turned her into a silly schoolgirl.

She watched Sam go out with Jess and felt nothing but happy for the both of them. Jealousy cooled in her mind, but she couldn't find a way to be angry about them being together. She did have Brady, and he was a great guy. She watched Sam and Jess move in together, watched as Jess dragged her through mall after mall and boutique after boutique as they looked for the perfect Christmas gift for Sam. It turned out to be an old ring, made of silver and unusually cheap that they got for him. For the longest time, they didn't know he had sent it to Dean, and that was the first time he talked about his brother. And Alyssa felt the same way Jess did when he told them; she wanted to know more about Sam's family, but Sam wouldn't have any of it even as she tag-teamed him with Jess. Eventually, the girls settled with his mysteriousness.

The gate behind her opened. Michael slammed into her, and they tumbled through it together; Alyssa with a smile on her face and Michael with an enraged scowl.

And then… they were gone.

* * *

_Thanks to Cartersdaughter for beta-ing. And to all of you for the awesome feedback. Hope you enjoy_


	23. It's a Bittersweet Symphony

_Thanks to my beta Cartersdaughter._

_Also sorry about the numerous line breaks, I would just use spaces but ff won't accept the space breaks so it's over killed with line breaks instead._

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Three, It's A Bittersweet Symphony

That night, the three of them were sitting around the Impala. Kat was curled up on the trunk an untouched beer in hand as she gazed up at the starry sky. Sam was leaning against the hood, as far from Dean as he could get. His eyes were red-rimmed, and he was well on his way through his third beer of the night. Dean was half sitting on the hood, still nursing his first beer as they sat around just outside of Lawrence, Kansas, remembering Alyssa.

Kat wondered uselessly if her spell had even done anything -if there would be any nasty mojo coming around to balance out what she had tried to do. It seemed Dean and Sam hadn't noticed, or they had forgotten and that was great. Because Kat was all too aware of how bad it was to mess around with questionable magic. She had spent most of her life fixing up those sorts of mistakes. They'd said bye to Bobby some hours ago, leaving him to get back to work while they grieved. He had given Kat a stern look that told her he hadn't forgotten what she had done and just how foolish he thought her actions were.

Kat wasn't sure if they _were_ going to pick up hunting again. She glanced toward the brothers. She wouldn't blame either of them if they called her on her idiocy -there was no telling what could have gone wrong with the spell. Sam looked wrecked. It wasn't his fault. And a small part of her was glad that Sam was here, for Dean. She shoved her guilt away roughly. Alyssa hadn't deserved her fate. Of anyone here, Alyssa was the least deserving. Some innocent victim dragged into this mess years ago. Sam was probably dying of guilt inside, and those beers weren't going to do him any favors. But Kat wouldn't fault him for it either. At least they knew what had happened to Alyssa… there had been some closure. It was questionable just how willing she had been to go through that hole, to chain herself to Lucifer for eternity… _but there was nothing they could do_.

As Dean asked his brother a question, voice low and teasing, trying to pull Sam from his shell, Kat wondered what the hell they were going to do now.

"She did it," Kat murmured to herself. "We did it. We stopped the Apocalypse."

There was only one question left after that: What came next?

* * *

_"Proud of yourself?" Lucifer hissed, stalking away from her._

_Alyssa quivered, helpless against his ire. Adam was sitting beside her, rocking back and forth. Michael was testing the reaches of Lucifer's cage -he didn't care what happened to either of their fragile human souls. He only cared about the fact that his escape and long-awaited battle with his brother, had been stopped by one human. _

_Hell was entirely different from how she had imagined it, at least this far in. It was ice cold. The cage was located in the deepest recesses of Hell, but demons could come and go as they saw fit. Beyond them, she could see where Lucifer's favorites played their games and curried for favor from the new top dog. With Azazel and Lilith gone, Lucifer's influence seemed to have dimmed considerably. She could see Crowley on the horizon, where the white tundra turned to smoking brimstone, a throne made of human skulls seated just at the edge of her field of vision._

_It was obvious that Lucifer didn't much care about what was going on anymore, in how he prowled the perimeter of the cage. It had been… Alyssa wasn't sure anymore, but it felt like weeks. And in that time, Lucifer and Michael had attacked each other four times, violently blasting each other with everything they had, careless of Adam and Alyssa's presence. And being forgotten was a far more pleasant alternative than when they occupied the angels' attention._

_Adam whimpered quietly. "Why'd it have to be me?"_

_Alyssa set her hand on his translucent shoulder, seeing the shimmer of his soul just beyond his astral presence. "Because life sucks," she offered sadly. "And we got the short straw."_

_He snorted. "_You_ asked for this," he reminded her._

_She hadn't really. It was just a better ending to the Winchesters' sorrowful tale. She looked up as Lucifer strode back to them, grabbing her by her neck and dragging her along with him. His cage was a massive box, and from it he could see any part of Hell he wanted to, other than the entrance where newly reaped souls arrived. But his influence was contained; the only places he was visible to his demons in both sight and presence was that frost covered plain._

_Alyssa quickly learned that his favorite place was the torture racks. Alistair had learned all of his lessons from a trainer, and before that trainer, there had been Lucifer. From what she gathered, from the whispered pieces of conversation that drifted to her while she was nearly asleep, Lucifer made Alistair look like a baby. The fallen angel never spent more than an hour on any tricky bastard he wanted on his side, but he did tend to prefer to leave most things to his demons. Unless he had a vendetta against the victim. "John Winchester had gotten lucky," the demons would mutter under their breath when Lucifer left to face Michael. "John Winchester had been lucky that Lucifer was never personally interested." A timeless angel didn't have to worry about deadlines._

_It only took thirty years to utterly break Dean Winchester. But for Alyssa, it never mattered how often she screamed and begged for him to stop; Lucifer would never let her take a turn at chopping demons or Adam or do whatever else she thought he wanted of her. He liked her where she was: bleeding and screaming under his knife. But this activity wouldn't last him an eternity, she knew. It might last a few years as he dragged retribution from her flesh. But he would get other ideas in his head._

_Adam was a little safer. He had not intentionally dragged Michael down to Hell, and Michael had no feelings to spare towards his vessel. He had only hit Adam the once, when the young man tried to interfere between the angels. Adam was a peacemaker, of all things. In between the torture sessions and often during the repetitive clashes of Michael and Lucifer's graces, Alyssa would limp over to Adam and sit down beside him._

_"This is so pointless," he had whispered._

_"I know," she would tell him._

* * *

Kat found a decent place they could rent where they could live without tripping over one another. She and Dean took upstairs and left Sam with the basement to do whatever he wanted. Dean parked the Impala and gave Sam a second set of keys no questions or demands in place. Sometimes, one of them, would go down to tell him breakfast was ready but instead, they would find he had disappeared. He came home every night, though, even if it wasn't always in time for dinner. Kat took turns with Dean to make sure at least once a week they went out with Sam; often it was a hunt, only a few states away.

They tried to give him as much space as they could, but they kept an eye on him. The worst was during the demon-involved hunts he went on, and she knew Dean felt the same. They both worried that in his state of grief, he might become addicted again in an effort to get Alyssa back. An effort that would never amount to anything, as all of them knew, but no one talked about.

As the months kept on passing, the couple could see Sam was making more of an effort to get back to the healthy person he had been before his grief. He started to go out hunting more often, and as Kat had gotten a boring part-time job with fictitious credentials, she stayed back more often than not while Dean went out with Sam. When Dean was at home, he picked up odd jobs around town, doing labor work for construction sites and he started to help out semi-regularly at a mechanic's shop.

It wasn't a perfect routine, by far, such as the night when Sam staggered into the living room with a gaping hole in his leg they had to invent a cause for as Dean ushered him to the hospital. They skipped town after that, showing up three states away in Minnesota and taking up temporary residence at another house that was a fair bit more crowded.

* * *

_Lucifer was creative._

_Alyssa couldn't tell how long it had been anymore… and there were distinct holes in her memory, where the only things she could see and feel and remember were the flames. Lucifer burned her alive. He let her freeze to death. He tore through her mind, shredding any semblance of sanity and reason as though her mind was a piece of paper meeting his scissor hands._

_She couldn't see the pieces; she couldn't put them back…_

_Adam wasn't doing so well either. Michael had left Lucifer's vicinity, frequently, trying to get his hands on Beelzebub and the other fallen angels. Michael even tried to get Crowley on his side. He was desperate to get out. She could see his brilliance was slowly dimming the longer he was trapped here. Adam was in worse shape than she was; he wasn't meant for this torture. A state of non-torture, of being ignored by the angels and then coddled to by Alyssa. Adam grew quieter: morose and melancholy turning to despair, blame and hatred._

_Adam stopped talking._

_Adam stopped moving._

_Adam was like a decoration to the cage, a desolate and inconsolable piece of art, wrapping in and around himself like he was hiding from another blow. An imaginary strike. He was a prisoner to his own mind: likely a raving lunatic inside and nothing could ever repair or free him from that state._

_Alyssa couldn't remember the last… thing. She frowned._

_Lucifer's voice cackled around her like the whip drawing blood from her skinless body, stripping the flesh from her bones. She rocked forward on her feet, dry heaving. The chill bit deep, settling over her like a comforting blanket to soothe her wounds. It was better than the fire -anything but the fire and the burns and the _stings_._

_Crowley came over to her sometimes when Lucifer wasn't around. He was a merry British man, whistling and bristling with his success like the pompous literary agent he was._

_"The Winchesters are doing well," the demon commented. "Katherine too, but she's practically one of them, so I hear. Nothing formal, I'm afraid, but the neighbors do talk about what those three get up to at night."_

_Alyssa stared at him blankly._

_"You know…"_

_She blinked, frowning in confusion as she caught the rest of what he was saying._

_"…and he's ready to help with this. We might be able to fix this problem of yours."_

_Alyssa frowned, gaping at him in confusion._

_Something akin to pity flashed in his eyes before he walked away._

_Alyssa furrowed her brows, shuddering involuntarily as she flinched, sensing movement nearby. And when she glanced up, no one was there. She cried out, clapped a hand over her mouth, and sobbed. There was no one here with her. She was alone... so alone, and this prison was inescapable. But she wasn't the only one crying, screaming out, because she could hear the all-too-human screams ringing out behind her and around her._

_Crowley's reign was inevitable: brutal and harsh, and there were more souls reaped than ever before as he tailored the deals to match his interests._

_But she was still curled up on the floor of her cage, Lucifer towering over her._

_There was fire, flames nipping at her flesh, and screams were torn from her lips as he dropped her into the pit of heat, and the flesh melted off her bones._

_She lay dead, unmoving and immoveable on the tundra, soaking in the cool frost._

_Crowley was nearby, peering down at her, a smirk on his face. How her death was amusing, she would never know._

_How she wished she _could_ die._

* * *

Kat jerked out of bed reflexively, running to the room next to hers, hot on the heels of Dean as the agonized scream ripped through the air. Dean slammed the door open, running in and throwing his weight at his little brother as Sam flailed violently. Kat heaved a sigh of relief, confliction warring with her as she watched Dean bring his brother out from the nightmare.

It had been a year. They had moved three times and found some semblance of peace, balancing an apple pie life and hunting. Sam was working as the library assistant, and he seemed to find some peace in his work, at long last. Sometimes Kat wondered if he wished he was dead instead, locked downstairs in Lucifer's cage, but he always seemed to remember the promise he had dragged from Dean. And Dean had dragged the same promise from his little brother, merciless and relentless in not allowing his brother to spend one minute looking for an answer, or finding some mystical way of bringing Alyssa back.

Because there wasn't one. And there never would be.

Sometimes, when she went to bed after a long shift, she would find Dean kneeling by their bed and praying to Castiel. Castiel was someone they could believe in, tangible and there. But they hadn't heard from him since Alyssa had fallen to hell. Every night, when Kat came across Dean, so vulnerable and desperate to relieve Sam's suffering, and therefore his own, she would sneak back out of the room and fix them all drinks.

Their money situation was a little tight after they got a call from Bobby about a possession a town over. Since they were trying to keep their money honest, coming back home made things a little trickier. They were still suffering from it -Dean with his bruised back, who would be crawling under cars come morning; Sam with his sprained wrist, who was expected to cart books around all day and Kat with three broken fingers and a job that required being bale to type over a hundred words a minute.

She looked through their cupboards, most of which weren't too empty, other than the liquor cabinet of course. There was a bottle of Kahlua and two empty whisky containers. Liquor was always a good way to deal with pain, and Kahlua was better than nothing. She rooted around in the cupboard above the stove, pulling out their hot chocolate mix and preparing three mugs.

Sam and Dean were in the living room, bickering over what show to watch when she brought the drinks out. Kat curled up on the couch, next to Dean as she took a sip from her drink. She watched him from the corner of her eye as her boyfriend reached over, grabbing his favorite black mug and taking a long drain from it.

"This is... what did you put in this?" Dean asked, scrutinizing her.

Sam chuckled, grabbing his cup. "Can't you tell?" he teased. "It's Kahlua. Your favorite."

Dean scrunched his face up, glaring at the drink distastefully.

"Oh come on, you liked it until you realized," Kat protested with a laugh. "It's not that bad!"

"You gave me a girly drink!"

"So? You don't see Sam complaining."

"That's because he likes this crap," Dean muttered.

"I like it," Kat said cheerily. "And we're out of the good liquor. So quit bitching." She elbowed him playfully.

"Sammy, go out and get some good hard booze."

"Do it yourself!" he laughed. He made a show of lifting his hot chocolate up, taking a long drink from it and savoring it.

"Too bad you're too proud to know what you're missing out on," Kat teased.

"Ugh, you're such a girl," Dean said, rolling his eyes.

"Jerk," he replied, and for a moment, there was some of his old spirit in the word.

"Bitch," Dean responded without missing a beat.

Sam didn't seem to mind and for the first time in months, it felt like they had the old Sam back.


End file.
